The problem with thinking more about the spouse than yourself is you can't change what they do. You can only change your actions and perceptions.
Posted via Mobile Device
Now, I have to ask some more questions about this statement. First a quick note: I have nothing against someone who holds to the logic of this statement. I just cannot stop thinking about the ramifications of the statement. So this is speaking my peace.
Is it not true that there are many ways to change someone? Some that are healthy and moral, and other methods that are dangerous and immoral?
First the negative methods.
- "showing up" someone
- quick induction hypnosis
There are many ways to negatively make someone do what you want them to do. However, because all of these are dishonest, manipulative, divisive, and sometimes cruel methods - it often destroys relationships and leaves the victim bitter and resentful.
Everything that I have been talking about concerning changing someone has to do with positive ways of changing someone, accept the goal is to help the individual to desire to follow.
I am talking about what it takes to greatly influence people to join you in your vision, mission, or positive desired outcome. Influence is gained by first understanding the real person of whom you want to influence. You also have to use tact and emotional connection to see the world through their eyes so you can better have them align towards a common goal.
Just read everything I have been posting here, and you will see that I recommend influencing through relationship and deep understanding.
If one is sincere and truly gets to the bottom of issues, then it is more likely that mutual happiness will result from these efforts. If the relationship has been too damaged, then if enough real and insight driven positive change is put into affect, then there is a chance for reconciliation. Even if it is not optimally affective right away, at least it will not backfire and make matters worse.
In the case of broken trust/infidelity (if there is real evidence) then it takes greater resolve and trust building to re-establish trust, hopefully before it is too late.
Sometimes the pain is too great, but that should not preclude the efforts of sincerely repentant spouses from trying.
I feel like too often we give up when hope was truly possible. If it is the ego that is hurt the most... preventing real healing, then perhaps looking out for oneself is all there ever will be in life.