You all may remember me, my husband left back in january of 2010, my son and i moved on and lived our life the way we were supose to live it, I didnt ask for him back beg or plead, my son was my priority, my h was out doing his own thing. he wasnt the greatest dad, never wanted to do much with our son, he called all the time and wouldnt leave us alone, always wanting to know where we were what we were doing. we sold our house and moved into an apartment until we can get a new house, h also moved into an apartment, I got sick a couple months ago and emergeny surgery and h was there to help, we went to sons t ball games together because i couldnt drive, and out to dinner afterwards as a family, he was coming over all the time and taking our son out to play and they hanging out with us.
he ended up having to get surgery also and my son and i were there for him as well. well about 3 weeks ago he started asking me to go to lunch with him alone, i blew him off for 2 weeks, the unknown scared me, i was in a place where i was safe and i didnt want him screwing it up. my sisters kept begging me to go to lunch with him, they would take my son for the afternoon, so i gave in and went, was so nervous thinking he was just going to ask for a break in the alimony or something, well when we got to the resturant, and sat down he asked if i wanted to talk about us, now mind you our divorce is final this month, im not even sure what day, i never really payed attention to my attn, just knew it was in july and it would come when it came.
I told him there wasnt an us because the day he left was the day i was divorced, he went on to tell me he cant move on he never stopped loving me and he wants to reconcile, we had a long conversation about what went wrong in the marriage and what we both needed to change, i told him i can forgive but cant forget, told him if were doing this we need mc and need to put in 110%, he said if he wasnt willing to do that he wouldnt have came back, he said he misses our family, i said well i know you miss our son but you have to miss me we were the ones that were married, he said he did, and has been miserable without me. we agreed to give it a shot but take it real slow, his family like mine and my family is behind me in whatever decision i make, his on the other hand are probably not gonna be so understanding, i asked him what his family would think and he told me he dont care what they think as they dont live his life, which came as a shock to me as his dad is very controlling and he usually listens to every word his dad says.
we have been dating and going out as a family and so far so good, he has come to family cookouts on my side and its like he never left, he invited me to his brothers cookout last weekend and his family knew i might come, but i declined because i am not ready for that yet, i told him i have a wall up and he has to prove he is in this for the long run, i wont be hurt again and i wont let our son be hurt again, our son knows nothing yet, we need to work things out before we tell him. when we go out my son is confused but he likes it and i just tell him daddy and mommy are friends, but for 7 he is smart, my h grabbed my hand the other nite as we walked and my son looked and smirked and said hes holding your hand.
he also said the other nite mom i dont know whats going on with you and daddy, hes always with us. as for sex that is not even on our minds, i asked him if that was what he was after and he said no he dont even want it now. so were just dating to see if we can work things out, I am confident we can do it, as time goes on and we are together i feel the love we still share for eachother. he told me through this whole ordeal he learned so much about himself, i have seen changes in him, we never really fought he said he was bored, I no i always put our son first as if i didnt he wouldnt have had anyone, and now i can work on our marriage since he is getting more involved with our son. we will see where this goes. of course its not going to be easy, but i will do it for my family. It feels good having our family back together, and he is much more attentive to both my son and myself. lets hope he stays that way.
we have another date tonite and i am looking forward to it. we have fun when were out. and i am not the one making any of the first moves, this is all on him. he knows i can do this on my own and i think that scares him, i think he seen my son and i move on as a family without him and it bothered him. I will keep you posted on the progress.
First of all, congrats! I know you are wary (and should be), but I hope you also feel a little happiness.
Secondly, I think you are doing all of the right things - taking it slow, etc.
Have you been to marriage counseling? There is a lot of water under and all over the bridge of your relationship. It may help to discuss things with a counselor by yourself as well as with him. There are real issues that may or may not have been resolved. The dating stage makes everything look fine until you start running into problems again.
I have a son too, but he is very young and doesn't yet understand what is going on. I would be careful about your son knowing details about you and his father dating - just because it is so easy for him to get his hopes up and hurt again. Just like dating any other man, protect him until you know his intentions are genuine and for the long haul.
thank you, my son does not know anything, we are planning to go to counseling. I am wary of things and wont open my heart again for hurt and he knows that. we are taking it real slow and i understand dating and marriage are two totally different things. he knows i wont stand for him hurting our son again, he only gets one more chance. today I talked to my lawyer and she is drafting up paperwork so I am protected with the alimoney and child support if this doesnt work out. he is the one who told me to get intouch with my lawyer as he already informed his of the reconciliation.
I think he thought the grass was greener, when i called my lawyer she told me she was just hanging up a picture of my son i had given her and she knew she would get that phone call that we were reconciling, she seen it through the whole divorce that he never really let go. I will be careful, I am stronger now and he knows that.
I am in no hurry to tell our son of this. believe me i couldnt bear to see him hurt, he is the reason i got through this and never would i have brought a man around him. he is my priority(plus i dont trust alot of people, I watch to much cnn) when the time is right we plan on taking a family vacation to the bahamas and telling him. (he wants to go there anyway) we will work on our issues and see what happens from there. I think because we are both willing to let go of the past and work on it 110% it might work. we can only try
Thank you, We had another date, it didnt last as long as we both wanted, as our son didnt feel good and we had to cut the date short to go pick him up. at least we got to eat dinner and talk a little. after I picked up my son we came back to my apartment and hung out, I guess he isnt after sex either becuase I put my son to bed at 10 and we just sat talking and watching tv, he didnt even try anything. I guess I was looking for a little makeout session anyway but it never happened and I guess today i am glad because it proves he isnt only after sex. just a nice kiss when he left.
Congrats! My stbxh realized how good he had it in our marriage once our 2 kids and I moved across the US back to our home state and he wants to still continue with the divorce and try to start over once everything is finalized.. tell me how that makes sense??
Not sure how that works. our divorce would have been final this week, and a couple people told me to go through with it just incase it dont work and we end up in the beginning of the court thing again, but he assured me we are in this forever, and I talked to my lawyer and she is drafting up paperwork so this dont happen. I need security just incase it dont work.
We had a great weekend, went to the drive in with our son saturday nite, sunday he came and picked us up and we went to the beach to have lunch and walked through all the stores, later we went by his dads to go in his pool, I was wary of going as i havent been around them yet but they werent even home. they however knew i would be there as he called his dad infront of me, He told me he already told his family, I asked how they felt he said there fine with it, his sister is having an engagement party next weekend and he asked me to come, I told him no, that would be huge becuase the whole family would be there, I am not sure why i am nervous i think i just worry about what people think, like there all gonna be like your an idiot for taking him back, I know i shouldnt care what others think, his uncle will be there and i know he loves my son and myself and he was his first lawyer, I can imagine he would have something to say.
anyway just keeping everyone posted. and that girl I never thought this would happen to me, I guess when you love someone nothing matters. in the beginning of our divorce i would dream of him coming and asking me to find a sitter and take me to lunch, to make up, and when it did happen i blew him off for two weeks. its strange. but it feels good and it feels right.
we went right into divorce court he asked for a divorce on a thursday and I had a lawyer by saturday, it lasted a yr and a half going back n forth to court, our divorce would have been final this wednesday. he never stopped calling throughout the yr n a half i swear it was 20 times a day, no one believed it until my sister was here and seen it. everytime he dropped our son back off he would hang around, and when he was ready to leave he would stand at the door, kinda like he wanted to say something but didnt have the nerve.
it was only like last month that he started asking me to go to lunch everyday, and i would make up excuses not to go, i wasnt sure what he wanted and was afraid to know what he wanted. my sister actually had to push me to go. it was then that he told me he was miserable and missed us. and he wanted to reconcile. I was dumbfounded as i never thought he would come back due to ego and his family. he got them so involved i thought he would never come back even if he wanted to. his father is a big influence on him, especially since there was alot of money involved. I am still not sure how his family feels but he dont care what they think he said they dont live his life. he again asked me to go to his sisters engagement party this weekend and i said i would feel funny what will everyone say he said who cares we cant worry about other people. we are doing great so far so its just a matter of taking it slow and working on us.
update.. I guess his family has accepted that we are getting back together, we went and hung at his moms house the other nite, it was as though i never left. and husband asked me again to go to his sisters engagement party sunday and I told him I would go, this way his whole family will be there and they will all finally know, I kinda feel bad because its his sisters day and I am sure the family will talk more about us getting back together than her getting married.
His brother asked me today if I could help him with some work he needs done for his business, it will be just at home work and he will pay me, so I guess he has accepted me back. was always close with him and his wife. tonight husband is coming for dinner and then we are going out as a family to meet up with some friends to watch a band. things are going great, he still takes our son on tuesday and fridays to have his daddy son time and for me to go out, but the other nites he is usually here with us. he did spend the night saturday, and he isnt after sex as he put our son to bed and came and slept in my bed and didnt try anything, the next morning we had coffee together and a nice conversation about us. I dont bring up the past as i am only looking to the future.