Wow... that is all - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 125 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 10:09 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

Nice boat, good for you!

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post #17 of 125 (permalink) Old 08-13-2015, 10:27 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marduk View Post
What was her reason for wanting back in 2 years later?

Let me guess... She was willing to get past whatever you did to make her have an affair, right?

In other words, her plan a dried up and she wanted plan b back. Or life got hard.
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Hahahaha! How did you guess?? See her email below...

I have forgiven you for the things I feel you did to me. So that is where all this is coming from. Sorry it took two years for me to do so. You asked what is different and that is what.

Obviously this was a bad idea. Maybe someday you will forgive me. I am sorry I made you feel that way.

I wish I would have forced counseling when I was hurt. I am a stuffer and I thought ignoring how I felt would get us through. I am so sorry for that.

Thanks again for listening. I truly do hope you have found happiness and peace.
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post #18 of 125 (permalink) Old 08-13-2015, 11:42 AM
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Re: Wow... that is all

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Originally Posted by cbnero View Post
Hahahaha! How did you guess?? See her email below...

I have forgiven you for the things I feel you did to me. So that is where all this is coming from. Sorry it took two years for me to do so. You asked what is different and that is what.

Obviously this was a bad idea. Maybe someday you will forgive me. I am sorry I made you feel that way.

I wish I would have forced counseling when I was hurt. I am a stuffer and I thought ignoring how I felt would get us through. I am so sorry for that.

Thanks again for listening. I truly do hope you have found happiness and peace.
Must... not... laugh...

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #19 of 125 (permalink) Old 08-13-2015, 12:08 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

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Originally Posted by cbnero View Post
Thanks again for listening. I truly do hope you have found happiness and peace.
"Yes Wife... I HAVE found more happiness and peace than I ever dreamed possible! Too bad about all your regrets for how royally you f*cked up!!"


"Love is chemicals masquerading as choices!"
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post #20 of 125 (permalink) Old 08-13-2015, 01:16 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

Quote:
Originally Posted by cbnero View Post
Hahahaha! How did you guess?? See her email below...

I have forgiven you for the things I feel you did to me. So that is where all this is coming from. Sorry it took two years for me to do so. You asked what is different and that is what.

Obviously this was a bad idea. Maybe someday you will forgive me. I am sorry I made you feel that way.

I wish I would have forced counseling when I was hurt. I am a stuffer and I thought ignoring how I felt would get us through. I am so sorry for that.

Thanks again for listening. I truly do hope you have found happiness and peace.
WOW just WOW. What is she hopping for after this email?
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post #21 of 125 (permalink) Old 08-13-2015, 02:58 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

Quote:
Originally Posted by cbnero View Post
PREVIOUS POSTING: pushing myself to go through with it

2 kids, 7 & 4
XW had EA/PA or whatever with married coworker
Usual stuff - refusing counseling, blame shifting, severe gaslighting
Pulls a Houdini and moves out Nov 1, 2013
22 months straight NC by me
Email contact only for kids

LAST WEEK her email:
Would you be willing to meet me for dinner some night? It can be on one of my days and I will get a sitter.

COUPLE BACK AND FORTH EMAILS WHILE I SAY NO AND ASK FOR MORE INFO

YESTERDAY her email:
Hello?
I guess I will just spill it that way you don't have to be taken off guard. I want to go to dinner to talk and see if there is any chance for starting over between the two of us.

She called last night. Terrible conversation. She hasn't really changed. Nothing that you hope to hear as a betrayed spouse. And you all know the key words and phrases you need to hear to even consider it. I shut her down. Somewhat harshly.

So there you go. Another Walkaway tries to walk back in. Another betrayed spouse says no. Standard procedure I guess.
I'm curious about the timeline. Your other thread ends in June 2014 with a similar e-mail from her. Was this new e-mail one of several she's sent since last year?
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post #22 of 125 (permalink) Old 08-13-2015, 05:12 PM Thread Starter
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No this is the first time we have spoken/emailed anything personal since then. I mean nothing at all except the kids/finances. And then maybe only a few times a month.

She did email me once beginning of this year when I confronted her via email about not communicating about the kids with full disclosure. (She didn't tell me ds had to go to a doctor for something - equally disturbing but a long story I don't care to repeat). That email said she was scared to communicate because I could be mean to her. Apparently I only emailed her when there is a serious complaint or issue. Um, yes, true, but believe me hardly ever and nothing on something trivial. And not emailing her enough to tell her she is wonderful. So she was scared to be honest and that is my fault of course.

So bizarre... lol
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post #23 of 125 (permalink) Old 08-14-2015, 01:32 PM
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I bet you never put the toilet seat down either!!!!!! She is a saint for forgiving you. I can't believe the selfishness of you you............kidding almost made it without laughing. Nice boat.
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post #24 of 125 (permalink) Old 08-14-2015, 01:34 PM
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Get a few hotties on that boat and plaster the pictures all over fb. You know for fun not to well rub salt in someone's wounds.
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post #25 of 125 (permalink) Old 08-14-2015, 02:16 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

Quote:
Originally Posted by cbnero View Post
PREVIOUS POSTING: pushing myself to go through with it

2 kids, 7 & 4
XW had EA/PA or whatever with married coworker
Usual stuff - refusing counseling, blame shifting, severe gaslighting
Pulls a Houdini and moves out Nov 1, 2013
22 months straight NC by me
Email contact only for kids

LAST WEEK her email:
Would you be willing to meet me for dinner some night? It can be on one of my days and I will get a sitter.

COUPLE BACK AND FORTH EMAILS WHILE I SAY NO AND ASK FOR MORE INFO

YESTERDAY her email:
Hello?
I guess I will just spill it that way you don't have to be taken off guard. I want to go to dinner to talk and see if there is any chance for starting over between the two of us.

She called last night. Terrible conversation. She hasn't really changed. Nothing that you hope to hear as a betrayed spouse. And you all know the key words and phrases you need to hear to even consider it. I shut her down. Somewhat harshly.

So there you go. Another Walkaway tries to walk back in. Another betrayed spouse says no. Standard procedure I guess.
She cheated on you and hasn't changed, yet wants to get back together?
I'm glad you said no.

If you even remotely want to consider taking her back, do so ONLY AFTER you truly and wholeheartedly believe she has changed. Else you'll kick yourself for taking her back.


"The pain of all your experience is what makes you the person you are now. And without your experience, you are an empty page, a blank notebook, a missing lyric. What makes you brave is your willingness to live through your life experiences and hold your head up high the next day. So don't live life in fear. Because you are stronger now, after everything that has happened, than you ever were back before it started."
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post #26 of 125 (permalink) Old 08-14-2015, 02:25 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

Quote:
Originally Posted by toonaive View Post
I feel sorry for the new jeep i paid for. I will lead a hard life. Poor Jeep doesnt deserve it.
Its braking my heart, nobody ever considers the long term damage divorce has on Jeeps.

Maybe remind her to always check the emergency/parking brake?

Last edited by gouge_away; 08-14-2015 at 04:47 PM.
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post #27 of 125 (permalink) Old 08-15-2015, 07:27 PM
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I would send her an email and ask why would she ever want to get back together with you, she said you were abusive that she was never attracted to. Why would she ever want you back being you are such a horrible person?

Then if she makes up some excuses saying why she wants you back say well mabye but only if you have an open relationship. Why an open relationship because you will not be in a sex less relationship and the thought of sleeping with her makes you physically sick.
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post #28 of 125 (permalink) Old 02-24-2016, 09:28 PM Thread Starter
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I'm sad to report that I'm back on TAM in need of help for myself.

Since D in March 2014, my exwife has done little more than feed the children and clothe them. We have 2 children, a boy 8 in 2nd grade, and a daughter 5 in 4k this year. She has kids Mondays/Tuesdays and every other weekend. I have them every Wed/Thurs and every other weekend.

Last school year I was the only one completing homework for our son. She rarely if ever brushed their teeth. They would come home with lips so chapped they were bleeding in the winter, she never once bothered to put chapstick on them. Hands dry and cracked and bleeding, no Vaseline applied. 20+ tardy slips at school. She insisted on packing our son a lunch but then sent him to school 25+ times with no lunch and paid no lunch money so I had to keep putting extra money in. She paid me late or not at all for half their health insurance 9 of 12 months.

I took her to mediation Oct 2015 and the mediator put her square in the spotlight and she agreed to do necessary care and studies. She also lost her temper and went off in a 5 minute curse filled rage explosion towards me, right in front of the mediator.

Fast forward 6 months to today:
I'm doing all the studies with the children. She will usually have our son do his math homework, but has helped him practice twice this entire shool year on his spelling. He has 2 quizzes per week. I have to push him to study 2 exams in advance because she does nothing. She has done none of our daughter's 4k homework - ever. My initials are the only ones on them since beginning of year. Still rarely brushing teeth. Now she has different position at work so they sit in daycare until 6 pm on Mon/Tues. Last week I got them Wed after school and my daughter smelled. She informed me (confirmed by my son) that she hadn't had a shower since Sunday morning. I got them today and daughter hadn't showered Mon or Tues again.

I filed to take ex to mediation again today. Probably get scheduled in 3-4 weeks. I am going to ask my ex that Mon & Tues custody be given to me. I plan on nicely listing my concerns. If she says no, I am having my attorney file court paperwork requesting custody change and guardian ad litem be appointed to investigate and make a recommendation to the court.

I'm a nervous wreck. I don't know how the court will see it. I know what the kids will tell the guardian, it won't be good for my ex. I know what the teachers will say since they all see it and have commented. I'm afraid to face my ex still and confront her. Like facing Vader. But I can't see my kids continue to suffer and fall behind in school.

Anyone have any insight on these things?

Thanks Nero
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post #29 of 125 (permalink) Old 02-24-2016, 11:42 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

My insight would be:

If facing your ex is still a fearful thing in light of your own children being severely neglected by her, then you might want to consider some therapy to grow a stronger spine.

Neglect is abuse, and your children are not only suffering physically, but mentally from it. Maybe you are too close to the issue to see it objectively, but I am sure you will at some point, and it may be too late then. Your children deserve someone who is willing to take on anything for their wellbeing.

She only has power over you if you allow it.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
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post #30 of 125 (permalink) Old 02-25-2016, 12:56 AM
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Re: Wow... that is all

Keep a log and go for full custody. They deserve better.

Last edited by Marc878; 02-26-2016 at 06:18 PM.
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