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post #31 of 92 (permalink) Old 02-25-2016, 01:26 AM
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Re: Wow... that is all

I don't know where you live, but i have a friend who's husband is trying to get and keep custody of his daughter. The mother has been hospitalized for drugs. Arrested for drugs. Arrested for theft, prostitution. She has been investigated but she still has a chance of getting back custody of her daughter.

You better start documenting EVERYTHING NOW. If you even have a hope to get your kids. Truth be told from what you have said, the system has seen way worse mothers and let them keep the kids. Its an unfair world to the dads of this world sometimes.

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post #32 of 92 (permalink) Old 02-25-2016, 05:31 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks for the insight. I should clarify I'm not really so nervous of her as I am of the situation of taking kids from their mom. This is a first for me. Her I could give a rats behind about, she sucks.

That's crazy the court doesn't care more about these kids. I guess for the few thousand it will cost me I'm going to roll the dice. At least I can say I tried everything vs living with a regret down the road.
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post #33 of 92 (permalink) Old 02-25-2016, 10:06 AM
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Re: Wow... that is all

It's sad the government thinks all children are theirs and they allow "us parents" to see them. Had this occurred in 1915... there would have been a government overthrow (not joking).

Nero... this is the script I have seen in real life and on TAM. EX spouse half-a$$es their end of agreement to care for kids. The other side, we'll say this is Nero... documents, goes to court in mediation to no avail and has to files motion for custody change.

When court investigates, EX spouse "suddenly" starts doing as agreed to. Everything stays the same.... for about three months. Then it starts up again. It's a form of mental abuse. If EX spouse knows the other couldn't care less if they were seeing someone serious..... what's the next best option? Yeah... the kids.

Unfortunately Nero... the courts aren't exactly there to help you. There is a set protocol... being a judge sometimes seems it would only required a high school diploma. Each step is a process and it frowns upon autonomy. Maybe you will get a judge who is wanting to "break the chains" of big brother government.

I swear I hate when I read a D with kids under 10. What Nero wrote is what I read often.

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #34 of 92 (permalink) Old 02-25-2016, 11:20 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wow... that is all

It's to the point where the kids routinely express how they would prefer to stay home with me vs going to her place.

If she straightens up and gets involved with the kids, that would be best. Maybe the fear of losing them will inspire her to do so, even for 6 months. If every 6 months I have to take her back to court but in return I keep her in line then it will be worth the money.

Some people spend $10k/year on their children's tuition. If I'm the guy who spends $10k-$20k per year on keeping the exwife motivated but the end result is the kids care is improved, then it's worth every penny.

Money isn't a concern for me so I guess I'm lucky on that front.
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post #35 of 92 (permalink) Old 02-25-2016, 11:35 AM
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Re: Wow... that is all

Is she getting any CS? Alimony?

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #36 of 92 (permalink) Old 02-25-2016, 12:29 PM
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Nero you need to get CWS to do a surprise home inspection while the kids are at her home. If the teachers see this happening, see if a school counselor or nurse will make the necessary call.

My sister's ex husband pulled crap like this - they had 50/50 custody at the time. The school called child services because the kids were coming to school filthy, dirty clothes, no lunches or lunch money, no coats/boots in bad weather. They did a home study and were so appalled he now has nothing but supervised visitation.
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post #37 of 92 (permalink) Old 02-25-2016, 12:41 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

A public school teacher is compelled by law to inform the school counselor of any child abuse / neglect.

Even if it just suspected....

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #38 of 92 (permalink) Old 02-25-2016, 12:51 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

Quote:
Originally Posted by cbnero View Post
Thanks for the insight. I should clarify I'm not really so nervous of her as I am of the situation of taking kids from their mom. This is a first for me. Her I could give a rats behind about, she sucks.

That's crazy the court doesn't care more about these kids. I guess for the few thousand it will cost me I'm going to roll the dice. At least I can say I tried everything vs living with a regret down the road.
If the courts find your XW is neglecting the kids the ruling will be in the kids best interest. However, most courts are simply find if kids are fed, clothed and a roof all is well. However, you W might be assigned a social worker or perhaps supervised visitations. It appears she has earned this type of response to her lack of caring.

And, no one will fault you for doing your best to look after your children's well being. As you stated concerning your own conscience, no regret for not trying your best.

I hope it works out for you.

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #39 of 92 (permalink) Old 02-25-2016, 03:11 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wow... that is all

She was so deep in the fog she never got an attorney for the divorce, so there is no CS or maintenance.

I don't know how the court will view it, but what the heck, never hurts to ask. I know what doing nothing will accomplish.... nothing.
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post #40 of 92 (permalink) Old 02-26-2016, 04:17 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

Just a hunch..but it isn't normal for a mother to neglect her children. Either she has a drug issue or a mental health issue.

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post #41 of 92 (permalink) Old 02-26-2016, 05:47 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

The new "addiction" could be a new guy in her life....

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #42 of 92 (permalink) Old 02-26-2016, 06:20 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

Wow, your threads were painful for me to read. There is something wrong with your ex-wife like other posters suggested: a mental issue, financial issue, drugs, alcohol, another "fog" ..........the sentence about your daughter not having a shower nearly killed me. I wish you the very best.
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post #43 of 92 (permalink) Old 02-27-2016, 08:29 AM
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Re: Wow... that is all

Hi,

Just got caught up with your other thread. In your first thread you discussed exposure. I found that exposure had the benefit of driving the OM out of my divorce. He was already in my marriage and my ex was in his marriage. They formed an echo chamber of self serving behavior. Comments like you should do this or get that flowed back and forth. Once I spiked that relationship the terms where agreed on quickly.

Did your ex ever go to nursing school?
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post #44 of 92 (permalink) Old 02-27-2016, 11:48 AM Thread Starter
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Haha, no. She is in real estate working for a home builder. She is good at her job and does well.

I did expose to the OM wife, but because I was such a doormat they had every lie in place to cover their a$$es. My ex spun it into this whole thing that I was abusive and he was helping her or something along those lines.

Interesting note, the lady that got my ex the job was the office manager for the builder. She and my ex were former coworkers and the lady is still a client of mine. During/after the affair my ex turned against her friend and ultimately got her fired. I suspect because I threatened to expose the affair to this lady/manager. Foolishly. I should have just done it and not threatened. But I'm a lot smarter now.

Anyways I had a chance to talk with this lady recently. I asked if she knew about the affair with OM coworker. She did not. But she believed me as she said she asked ex about him and my ex said he was just a good friend. She was so hurt my ex turned on her as well. Said my ex lost almost every friend and hasn't heard from her in a year. Told me it never take her back. Told me my ex looked like complete crap. While the affair and divorce were ongoing her hair was falling out in clumps. Ulcers. Terrible diet. Etc... she couldn't believe my ex's family didn't put her in mental therapy.

It was good to hear validation it wasn't just me. But yes, I did the opposite of the 180 for a year. Did everything wrong. If I had been on TAM maybe turned out different/maybe not. But that's ok, I'm happy she is gone now. It pains me to see people who find TAM and do not listen to the advice given.
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post #45 of 92 (permalink) Old 02-29-2016, 06:05 PM Thread Starter
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So late last night ex texts me saying son 8 asked if I could stay with them tomorrow since they didn't have school. I know my son needs me and is hurting so I agree to take the day off and watch them from 8-5 while she has to work. I go into work at 5 a.m. to get 3 hours in and she brings the kids to my office to drop off.

No showers, no breakfast, no teeth brushed. Looked like they were homeless. Son had a cold and so no Vaseline applied and his lip is scabbed and bleeding. Photo attached.

Anyways I get them fed and cleaned up. Play games, read books, etc... all day. They don't want to go back to her but she wants them so ok.

Then after I give them back i call her because I forgot to relay the cold medication I gave our son. She sounds very emotional. Says she doesn't want to talk to me again and to email her from now on because she just checked her mail and saw the mediation request.

I mailed it a week ago! Who checks mail once a week? My postman would kill me.

Oh well. So it begins...
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