Re: Wow... that is all
Thank you for the kind words and support! It is a struggle as many of you know.
Here is a summary of what has been occurring in the past 6-12 months. XW wanted to put the kids in therapy because both children pee and soil themselves routinely at her house. I have never been allowed to ask the circumstances or what is happening there that might be contributing to this. She just keeps demanding therapy. Finally I say ok, but I want to know who the therapist is, be kept in the loop, etc... She never tells me anything and 6 months after they have been seeing a therapist sporadically I find out about it. I reach out to the therapist who was a complete b1tch to me and wouldn't share any info on their therapy. My lawyer had to email her demanding info. Basically a complete nightmare.
I tell the XW we need to find a new therapist together and pull my consent to see that therapist anymore. XW refuses to listen and tells me she doesn't care what I think and how she is confident any judge will agree with her. I warn her I will file for contempt. She doesn't care. So I file contempt and have her served. The person serving the papers talks to her neighbor directly next door to see when she will be home. The neighbors didn't even know she had children... I don't want to get into how that came up here online. But also learned she is known as the B in the neighborhood along with other stuff.
Anyways the XW gets served, gets her own lawyer, and then hires a Guardian Ad Litem hoping to get the court to send the kids back to this crazy therapist. My attorney says this is a good thing and wants me to share what I have been going through and request custody change. I met with GAL and laid it all out. The GAL (a woman) basically says this: The kids should see a different therapist. As far as custody - no change at this time. She lays it out in a letter basically saying that both mom & dad have their "strengths & weaknesses." Dad's strength is structured practical parenting. Mom's strength is being emotionally in-tune with the kids. But she is concerned about Dad's tone in communication with Mom, how I am overassertive. But that Mom also needs to "step up her game a little bit" when it comes to parenting the children. Whatever... yeah, if you don't feed the kids breakfast in the morning or bathe them for 3-4 days straight, or bring our son late to his student council meetings then yes - I am not going to be all nice about it. That's crap. I'm worried about the kids, not about my XW feelings.
So our court date was coming up next week. XW wanted me to drop the contempt charge and her and her lawyer were threatening all sorts of stuff and making dumb offers, still trying to get the kids back to nutjob therapist. I held firm. As of last week, 2 days after here apology email, XW agreed to pay some of my legal fees, all the Guardian Ad Litem fees, the court fees, etc... and also find a different jointly chosen therapist in exchange for me withdrawing the complaint. I agreed to that.
Meanwhile this year - last Friday my daughters K teacher told me my daughter is doing so well that her math and literacy are up at a 2-3rd grade level and they are advancing her to higher ed for gifted kids. My ex has never helped with homework, I have worked with my kids daily when I have them. Both are tops in their class.
For the XW - still has not paid any $ for their lunches this school year. Waiting again on her portion for health insurance. Not helping kids still with homework or their education. Not sure on bathing and personal care.
I think she is doing the best she can, and just isn't meant to be a parent. I am doing well emotionally and financially. Not dating anyone. I have no desire to go through this again. And I won't risk my relationship with my children (6 & 9) for my own selfish wants. I'm okay with being alone. I spend a lot of time with my family and friends and my relationship with my kids is awesome. Sometimes I think I should try dating again but right now the kids need me, they don't get a 2nd chance, and for right now they need my attention and focus. I realize maybe I'm not fully recovered and emotionally healed and this isn't long-term healthy for me. But I figure we all have our own problems... haha