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post #106 of 126 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 08:54 AM
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Re: Wow... that is all

When she asks for 'together' time: "No, thank you."

When she makes statements like the one about turning the relationship over to God: "Thank you for your honesty" or no response.

CFD.

Think of her as that annoying admirer that you would never date.

And for the record, your outburst shows that four years later, you have NOT forgiven her. She is right about that, CB.

Unfortunately, that is hurting you more that it is hurting her.


"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #107 of 126 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 09:03 AM Thread Starter
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I disagree. I can get along with her fine and have no feelings of bitterness toward her.

But whether it's XW or anyone else - I do not accept people treating me like an idiot or torturing me for whatever personal reasons.

She is free to do as she likes. I do not ever lash out at her or guilt her over her choices. But then she doesn't give me the same respect.

If you go poking a bear you might get mauled. Same with me. Either respect my boundaries or watch the heck out and don't complain when you get attacked for being stupid. If I got angry the first time and flew off the handle then I would likely have anger issues. That is not the case here

4 years of constant messing with me? Sorry I am out of patience with her. No means no. Leave me alone means just that. Not my fault she doesn't listen. And if her feelings get hurt I don't really care.
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post #108 of 126 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 09:42 AM
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Re: Wow... that is all

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Originally Posted by cbnero View Post
LOL I know, right? I bounced back right away when I saw her email. Figured I'd post my stupidity here and take my lumps.

Initiate lumber delivery.

I doubt she is at 50k, I think she is much higher - as in another solar system. She is crazy as hell.

I'm just hanging my head in shame for getting caught up in it. We had been getting along for a few months. I had been faking nice because she's been giving me the kids a lot more. Suddenly she wants family easter. Nicely decline. Then it's joint counseling with her. Then it's the scripture and forgiveness lines. Then the leave it to God lines.

Seriously what the heck... I am fine getting along but she always crosses the boundaries. So now I go back to NC. Rinse. Dry. Repeat. Circle of he'll! Lol

Stop the madness!
I suggest instead of getting mad or upset about it, appreciate the justice of it. All this stuff proves that she knows deep down she is the villain in the story and will have to learn to live with it. This is probably the best you will get, but at least there is something. Some never come to realize what they did at least not in this life. The ones who do have to live with the people they are. I would rather be you then her. You can move on find better with your honor intact and fully recover. She will always be the person who blew up everyone's life.

Have you told her what you wrote in your post. I will never be friends with someone who treated me like you did. She lost that possibility. Please only contact me about the kids. If she asks you to go to counseling again, I would respond. I have no need to go to counseling I didn't cheat.

Has she ever just said she was sorry with no strings attached?

Last edited by sokillme; 04-05-2017 at 10:01 AM.
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post #109 of 126 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 11:31 AM Thread Starter
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She has apologized a few times. But never an all encompassing apology - she will pick out one isolated thing and then focus just on that. But it always is accompanied with a request for something she wants or during a situation when she isn't getting her way with me.

So it's like she throws it out there and it's always ambiguous and via text or email. Seems so fake and contrived.

I have told her repeatedly to leave me be and why I feel that way. I would say this crap happens every few weeks or months for the past 3 years since the divorce was final.

My issue isn't the affair or the lying. I get she was mentally cracked. Not an excuse but we have all seen enough examples that you know the cheaters playbook by memory now. I don't hate her for that but it's enough I'll never want her back. That part I'm 100% over.

My issue is the stuff she absolutely refuses to discuss or correct with the care of the kids. That I do not forgive or forget.

Respect and trust or earned. Right now she keeps asking for both but doesn't want to do any of the work. If I express that to her she just goes dark. Never to be mentioned again. Then stuff cools off. Then she starts in again being nice and suddenly she's trying to manipulate and guilt me again into doing what she wants.

I'm all for disconnecting and forgiving. But that is hard to do when the unacceptable stuff is still taking place years later. And the degree of forgiveness and the "when" of forgiveness is mine and mine alone to decide. She has no right to be laying that on me every few weeks.
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post #110 of 126 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 12:48 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

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I slipped up and got caught in her trap of madness...

XW replied last week: thanks, forgiveness is one of God's greatest gifts

Me: XW, cut the crap. You were as nasty to me as the day is long. I might forgive you but I don't trust you at all. I'll say anything to get you to leave me be. If I'm going to be stuck with you for the next 10 years I'd rather get along than not. But do NOT quote Scripture to me as it makes me puke in my mouth a little.

6 days later, today, at 1:45 a.m.:

XW: Hi CB, I think the best way to trust someone is to trust in God. I wish I would have left our relationship 100% in his hands.

---------------------------

Sigh... so much for my progress. I didn't and won't reply to her email. It's just a never ending loop with her. No personal accountability.

It sucks but I don't think I can even have civil conversation with this person. I think it needs to be NC now and forever. Don't look at her, don't talk to her. Just keep to strict emails about kids only.

Her affair and meltdown started back in Nov 2012. Here I am over 4 years later looking back and it's been a continously mind bender ever since.

Ugh! Blah!
Aliens!
Conrad will always be here in spirit....
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A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #111 of 126 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 12:53 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

Quote:
Originally Posted by cbnero View Post
I disagree. I can get along with her fine and have no feelings of bitterness toward her.

But whether it's XW or anyone else - I do not accept people treating me like an idiot or torturing me for whatever personal reasons.

She is free to do as she likes. I do not ever lash out at her or guilt her over her choices. But then she doesn't give me the same respect.

If you go poking a bear you might get mauled. Same with me. Either respect my boundaries or watch the heck out and don't complain when you get attacked for being stupid. If I got angry the first time and flew off the handle then I would likely have anger issues. That is not the case here

4 years of constant messing with me? Sorry I am out of patience with her. No means no. Leave me alone means just that. Not my fault she doesn't listen. And if her feelings get hurt I don't really care.
This whole post sounds like a not-so-veiled threat of changing from the victim to the persecutor if someone crosses your boundaries.

Show me I am wrong.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #112 of 126 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 01:21 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

Nero...... I agree, I almost am certain you are over her. But you are allowing her to be an "emotional

vampire" via the kids. Remember Nero... if a delusional XW can not seduce you with her vagina,

her only other option, is through the kids. Did you contact the school psychologist, CPS, the school

counselor? Cut out how she gets to you. She knows your weaknesses. And she is exploiting it.

Can you use a family member as a go-between in drop-offs? In contact? Best to make contact

via email only. Maybe she is seeking faith, maybe she isn't. Doesn't matter, you want no part

of her any more. Her tie to you.... is the kids. And if someone does not want to let go.... the kids

are an easy 2-4-8-16 year extension. Do your kids have phones where they can contact you at any time?

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #113 of 126 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 06:16 PM Thread Starter
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This whole post sounds like a not-so-veiled threat of changing from the victim to the persecutor if someone crosses your boundaries.

Show me I am wrong.
Ha, no thanks to your offer.

Me venting here or getting frustrated once with her and snapping back is more of an isolated deal than the norm.

I have no issue going NC with her again. My frustration is that we can't seem to reach that middle ground where we both respect each other's boundaries.

I'll listen to her complaints and try to accommodate her if they are valid. But that doesn't happen back. I give, she takes.

I'm not interested in being an angry bully. Not my personality type. So, I'll just ignore her and not engage at all. She will figure it out eventually. Or not. Either way, not my problem.
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post #114 of 126 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 06:28 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

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Originally Posted by farsidejunky View Post
CB:

If Conrad were here he would be posting the lumber right about now. Come on, man.

To add insult to injury, she was CFD in her response to you. She sounds like she is at 50K.

Does that bother you?
Not even.

It took her SIX DAYS to craft that bull**** reply, and, even then, she sent it at 145 am.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #115 of 126 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 06:40 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

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Not even.

It took her SIX DAYS to craft that bull**** reply, and, even then, she sent it at 145 am.
Gus, I am not defending her actions.

I am illustrating that she is acting much more emotionally centered than he is during the exchange.

This has little to do with her and everything to do with him.


"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #116 of 126 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 06:57 PM Thread Starter
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Well I won't deny it there. She likely was an emotional wreck sending me that email at 2 in the morning. But she was better refrained in her emotions. It's OK she can do that.

I honestly think she is trying very hard to change and wants me to notice. The problem is I have no interest in going back. And the red flags with her still exist - big time. Going back would be suicide...

Anyways I'm back at 50k. I'll stay NC and cool. See how it goes. Think I'll keep strict NC for the next 3 months, maybe 6. Maybe a year or three...
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post #117 of 126 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 07:00 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

I would want nothing to do with her either. She is Looney Toons.

That said, I want to see you deal with this in the way that you have in the past: like a champ. That requires the occasional 2x4...

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #118 of 126 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 09:37 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

Tell her you had a long talk with God and he has other plans for you. God says we're just not right for each other so we have to live totally separated lives and civilly coparent the kids.

In time he will show me the perfect woman for my future and a great step mom for the kids.

God has spoken and I must obey.

He said she was tall and blonde with really long legs.

I'm so excited and I'm sure you'll be truly happy for me.

I hope she has bigguns too!!!!!!!!
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post #119 of 126 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 09:39 PM Thread Starter
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Hahahaha!

I love TAM. So much better than seeing a therapist. Thanks for the lumber friends!

I'm back, baby!
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post #120 of 126 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 09:49 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

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Hahahaha!

I love TAM. So much better than seeing a therapist. Thanks for the lumber friends!

I'm back, baby!
Where shall I send the bill? Or you could just give me your credit card number.

PS: I'll need the 3 number security code on the back also.
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