Wow... that is all - Page 9 - Talk About Marriage
Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

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post #121 of 125 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 10:15 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

Cbnero, what pushed you over the edge to file? Was it a defining moment? Or a series of them.

You've done well. Better than most.

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post #122 of 125 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 10:49 PM Thread Starter
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The insanity started Nov 2012. She moved out (see: vanished) Nov 2013. I filed the next day.

The misery and hell I allowed myself to go through during that year is tough for me to look back on now. I'm honestly ashamed and humiliated.

I was the world's biggest doormat and sucker. When the kids and I came home to a cleaned out home with no warning, no goodbye, no explanation - I was done. I had to file to save myself. I could not live that way for another minute.

The breaking point was finding she had downloaded my business bank statements while keeping up the charade in Oct. At the time I didnt confront her or say anythjng. Just watched and waited. I knew in my gut if I didn't protect myself she could easily destroy me beyond repair and destroy the lives of my kids beyond just the emotional heartbreak of their parents divorcing.

Did I do everything wrong and against TAM advice for that 1 year? Yes. But I still tried. She could have normalized and figured it out. She didnt. There was a 4 month waiting period after I filed. She could have reached out to me. She never did.

I found TAM maybe 2- 3 weeks after she was gone and I filed. Conrad and crew set me on the right path. Obviously still a struggle to stay on it sometimes.

In my wildest dreams would I have thought the 3 years after the D she would be constantly harassing me to reconcile.
In a way I feel bad for her - I think she is a tortured soul. Easy to say not my problem, but I do love and worry for my kids. If she could get it together it would be better for them.

Unfortunately the kids - even my 6 yr old daughter now - are picking up on her instability and they cry telling me about it. I don't say anything negative about XW to them ever. But at some point in a few years if she doesn't get it together, I'm going to have to explain it somehow. If her actions are so loony that I can't figure it out and it drives me crazy - imagine how the kids feel... ugh.. and I only have very limited contact with her.

There isn't enough time in the day to detail it all. I'll just say it's heartbreaking. My kindergarten daughter was sobbing in her bed last week after I put her to sleep for the night. I went in there and she was crying asking why her mom doesn't do any of the stuff I do. I didn't know what to say other than there's a lot of colors in the rainbow and we are all good at different stuff. And to take a minute to think about the stuff mom is good at.

The kids are definitely the trigger for me. I can't get full custody. So I'm leaving it in God's hands!
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post #123 of 125 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 10:57 AM
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Re: Wow... that is all

So many guys make the mistake of... she gotsa cute tail, nice rack, steady job.... WTH not?

Then you fast forward 10-15 years. Nero... did she give off any warning signs early on she was bandaged up?

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #124 of 125 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 06:17 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
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So many guys make the mistake of... she gotsa cute tail, nice rack, steady job.... WTH not?

Then you fast forward 10-15 years. Nero... did she give off any warning signs early on she was bandaged up?
Oh for sure there were red flags everywhere. In college/ just after - you don't really think about it. At least I didnt. I was pretty naive.

Now I look back and say WTH was I thinking? Why would I ever have accepted some of the stuff she did. Especially her mom, always gave me the heebie jeebies. Funny her daughter ended up her clone...
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post #125 of 125 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 12:55 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

Quote:
Originally Posted by cbnero View Post
Oh for sure there were red flags everywhere. In college/ just after - you don't really think about it. At least I didnt. I was pretty naive.

Now I look back and say WTH was I thinking? Why would I ever have accepted some of the stuff she did. Especially her mom, always gave me the heebie jeebies. Funny her daughter ended up her clone...
Can I ask what she did? One thing my pop always stressed to me was -look at her mama, that'll be her

in about 20-25 years.... want that?- I last saw my college flame in late '96.... caught up with her after

my post-D g/f was asked to leave. Lordly lordy.... she became her mother. As usual, pop was right.

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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