The insanity started Nov 2012. She moved out (see: vanished) Nov 2013. I filed the next day.
The misery and hell I allowed myself to go through during that year is tough for me to look back on now. I'm honestly ashamed and humiliated.
I was the world's biggest doormat and sucker. When the kids and I came home to a cleaned out home with no warning, no goodbye, no explanation - I was done. I had to file to save myself. I could not live that way for another minute.
The breaking point was finding she had downloaded my business bank statements while keeping up the charade in Oct. At the time I didnt confront her or say anythjng. Just watched and waited. I knew in my gut if I didn't protect myself she could easily destroy me beyond repair and destroy the lives of my kids beyond just the emotional heartbreak of their parents divorcing.
Did I do everything wrong and against TAM advice for that 1 year? Yes. But I still tried. She could have normalized and figured it out. She didnt. There was a 4 month waiting period after I filed. She could have reached out to me. She never did.
I found TAM maybe 2- 3 weeks after she was gone and I filed. Conrad and crew set me on the right path. Obviously still a struggle to stay on it sometimes.
In my wildest dreams would I have thought the 3 years after the D she would be constantly harassing me to reconcile.
In a way I feel bad for her - I think she is a tortured soul. Easy to say not my problem, but I do love and worry for my kids. If she could get it together it would be better for them.
Unfortunately the kids - even my 6 yr old daughter now - are picking up on her instability and they cry telling me about it. I don't say anything negative about XW to them ever. But at some point in a few years if she doesn't get it together, I'm going to have to explain it somehow. If her actions are so loony that I can't figure it out and it drives me crazy - imagine how the kids feel... ugh.. and I only have very limited contact with her.
There isn't enough time in the day to detail it all. I'll just say it's heartbreaking. My kindergarten daughter was sobbing in her bed last week after I put her to sleep for the night. I went in there and she was crying asking why her mom doesn't do any of the stuff I do. I didn't know what to say other than there's a lot of colors in the rainbow and we are all good at different stuff. And to take a minute to think about the stuff mom is good at.
The kids are definitely the trigger for me. I can't get full custody. So I'm leaving it in God's hands!