Wow... that is all - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 159 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 07:29 AM Thread Starter
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Wow... that is all

PREVIOUS POSTING: pushing myself to go through with it

2 kids, 7 & 4
XW had EA/PA or whatever with married coworker
Usual stuff - refusing counseling, blame shifting, severe gaslighting
Pulls a Houdini and moves out Nov 1, 2013
22 months straight NC by me
Email contact only for kids

LAST WEEK her email:
Would you be willing to meet me for dinner some night? It can be on one of my days and I will get a sitter.

COUPLE BACK AND FORTH EMAILS WHILE I SAY NO AND ASK FOR MORE INFO

YESTERDAY her email:
Hello?
I guess I will just spill it that way you don't have to be taken off guard. I want to go to dinner to talk and see if there is any chance for starting over between the two of us.

She called last night. Terrible conversation. She hasn't really changed. Nothing that you hope to hear as a betrayed spouse. And you all know the key words and phrases you need to hear to even consider it. I shut her down. Somewhat harshly.

So there you go. Another Walkaway tries to walk back in. Another betrayed spouse says no. Standard procedure I guess.

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post #2 of 159 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 07:58 AM
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Re: Wow... that is all

cb...

Thanks for the update! Sounds like you're doing great, and so glad you shut her down without giving her a chance to weave her web. I'm sure she found out life on the other side isn't all roses. And now she wants to "start over"?? Hah!

Stay strong, brother
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"Love is chemicals masquerading as choices!"
~ Sandfly
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post #3 of 159 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 08:12 AM
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Re: Wow... that is all

Quote:
Originally Posted by cbnero View Post
PREVIOUS POSTING: pushing myself to go through with it

2 kids, 7 & 4
XW had EA/PA or whatever with married coworker
Usual stuff - refusing counseling, blame shifting, severe gaslighting
Pulls a Houdini and moves out Nov 1, 2013
22 months straight NC by me
Email contact only for kids

LAST WEEK her email:
Would you be willing to meet me for dinner some night? It can be on one of my days and I will get a sitter.

COUPLE BACK AND FORTH EMAILS WHILE I SAY NO AND ASK FOR MORE INFO

YESTERDAY her email:
Hello?
I guess I will just spill it that way you don't have to be taken off guard. I want to go to dinner to talk and see if there is any chance for starting over between the two of us.

She called last night. Terrible conversation. She hasn't really changed. Nothing that you hope to hear as a betrayed spouse. And you all know the key words and phrases you need to hear to even consider it. I shut her down. Somewhat harshly.

So there you go. Another Walkaway tries to walk back in. Another betrayed spouse says no. Standard procedure I guess.
Yea, my XW still tries to push. Last weekend she wanted to use my garage to change her brake pads. She wanted my sons to do it. Even though they have never done it before! Knowing, that I would probably jump in there so my sons dont get hurt.

Of course I said no. She promised not to come into my house. I still said no. I will not assume the liability associated with such an endeavor. So, she went to her brothers(X's are resourceful like that). Turns out it took them 7 hours to do it, because she had wrecked the rear discs, and smashed the piston in one of the calipers. Ive never seen that before, but, I know how she drives. I feel sorry for the new jeep i paid for. I will lead a hard life. Poor Jeep doesnt deserve it.

As a BS, they not only cheat on you, but they also cheat on all the things that came with you. I think that is the thing they have a hard time with. It really shows how selfish they have become. It will continue to be all about them. Every time.
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post #4 of 159 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 11:17 AM
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Re: Wow... that is all

LTNS Nero...... been awhile! My XW tried several times. I even met her for dinner, she paid.

Made sure it was the "ultimate closure" being it was near the one year mark of D.

Even took current g/f with me to wait at a table across restaurant. When XW left in tears,

g/f and I ate dinner.

At one time or another, the WAS always tries to return, 99% of time. Clockwork.....

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #5 of 159 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 11:41 AM
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Re: Wow... that is all

Shutting that down has got to be the best feeling in the world. I think I would have had to do it in person just so I could deliver the news through a nice song-and-dance number. Maybe hire a backing band.
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post #6 of 159 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 12:14 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

P.S..... cb... how is your friend "Stallion" doing?

Haven't heard from him in a coon's age...

"Love is chemicals masquerading as choices!"
~ Sandfly
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post #7 of 159 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 12:30 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wow... that is all

I wouldn't say it felt "good" or "bad." I just didn't care one way or another anymore so it wasn't like I was hoping for this and enjoyed hurting her. My goal is to make my life and my kids lives better and if the reality is she could help in that goal then I would listen. Some people do legitimately change and turn their life around. I was looking to hear remorse, responsibility, etc... from her. I didn't hear it so I called her out on her BS. I wonder if I should have just said No Thanks and left it at that vs sharing any emotion on the matter because I can't change her, how she thinks, feels, or acts. Nor is it my job to do so. Still hard to disengage completely I guess, but I think I did well. I pretty much brought up a couple things and said this is why what you are telling me is meaningless and therefore nothing has changed. She was still blameshifting like crazy. Started yelling at me for filing for D 2 days after she moved out... REALLY???

She asked if I was seeing someone and I said none of your business.

Anyways I picked up a new toy for myself this week so any memories of this conversation with the Ayatollah are about to be washed away...
View image: boat


My life is better than I can remember. Everyone going through it - stay calm, know yourself, hold to your morals, and keep the faith. 18 months of personal therapy on my own dime. Best money ever spent.

I'll sign off with my new theme song via Chris Janson as I sail off to better waters:
But it could buy me a boat, it could buy me a truck to pull it
It could buy me a Yeti 110 iced down with some silver bullets
Yeah, and I know what they say,
Money canít buy everything
Well, maybe so,
But it could buy me a boat
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post #8 of 159 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 12:35 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

Ok, some will think this is a corny song.

But I see it "apropos" to your situation (and mine!)

Christopher Cross... "Sailing"

"Love is chemicals masquerading as choices!"
~ Sandfly
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post #9 of 159 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 12:40 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

That's certainly the most mature way to look at it. Whenever there's children involved, you want the other person to at least be in a good place for their sake. That's certainly my rational mind's position right now, but being only a few weeks out from uncovering the A (and still living together witing out the D) I'm still in the trenches of conflict and blaming -- so that fantasy of one day in the future when/if the WW sees the error of her ways too late does *occasionally* comfort me
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post #10 of 159 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 12:45 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wow... that is all

I would recognize that focusing on fantasy - one day she might come crawling back - is a terrible place to live mentally.

Look at what she has done. Get angry. Use anger to move yourself forward. It wasn't until I was able to completely move on - then she came back.
Don't know why that is the case, but it seems to be that way.

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post #11 of 159 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 12:47 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

What was her reason for wanting back in 2 years later?

Let me guess... She was willing to get past whatever you did to make her have an affair, right?

In other words, her plan a dried up and she wanted plan b back. Or life got hard.
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post #12 of 159 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 12:50 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

Quote:
Originally Posted by cbnero View Post
It wasn't until I was able to completely move on - then she came back.
Don't know why that is the case, but it seems to be that way.
Exactly!!! YOU moved ON!! Women like cb2 always want WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE!!

You became more attractive to her because you are completely disinterested. She wants to "re-interest" you.

For God's sake... PLEASE do not succumb to this woman's womenly wiles... you are doing EVERYTHING right!

Hang in there cb!

"Love is chemicals masquerading as choices!"
~ Sandfly
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post #13 of 159 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 01:21 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

Quote:
Originally Posted by cbnero View Post
PREVIOUS POSTING: pushing myself to go through with it
Standard procedure I guess.
No, I don't think that it is standard procedure to have the fortitude to stand up to an ex spouse who hasn't changed and to celebrate by buying a new boat.
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post #14 of 159 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 01:30 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

Quote:
Originally Posted by cbnero View Post
I would recognize that focusing on fantasy - one day she might come crawling back - is a terrible place to live mentally.

Look at what she has done. Get angry. Use anger to move yourself forward. It wasn't until I was able to completely move on - then she came back.
Don't know why that is the case, but it seems to be that way.
Eh, I'm really just joking about it. It's more of a "Ralphie's soap poisoning" fantasy in terms of seriousness

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtEaka1QeV0
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post #15 of 159 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 08:15 PM
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Re: Wow... that is all

Your life's good. Hers isn't. She's discovering the price of cheating can be higher than she thought it would.
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