R is holding fast - 4 months after DDay2 - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-04-2016, 12:06 PM Thread Starter
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They didn't know each other back then, the BF got married in 08.

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post #17 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-04-2016, 12:07 PM Thread Starter
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Yes to females in combat (they already have been), and register for the draft.
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post #18 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-04-2016, 12:15 PM
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Re: R is holding fast - 4 months after DDay2

I think you are deluding yourself. This marriage is dying on the vine and you won't admit it.
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post #19 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-04-2016, 04:43 PM
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Re: R is holding fast - 4 months after DDay2

MAJDEATH,

Did this discussion with the "friend" occur after your second D day, and if it occurred after the second D day then the friend knew the truth about your W's affairs for years and years without saying a word to you. I know she is no worse than your W in that regard, but I would have a difficult time being around someone who allowed me to live a lie for that long.

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post #20 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-04-2016, 05:17 PM Thread Starter
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There were many others who also knew the lie, it's just that we moved far away after R and we didn't move back to "the scene of the crime" until just last year. I'm sure that was the reason she came clean. The best friend remarried 2 yrs after we R.
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post #21 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-04-2016, 11:22 PM
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Re: R is holding fast - 4 months after DDay2

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I had a long discussion with W's BF, before allowing her back into our lives. During the dark years, I would say the BF more accepted the As, rather than encouraged. The later part of the dark years saw the 2 splitting completely, they didn't talk for several years.
I told BF point blank, if anything even remotely close to what happened before starts to happen again, I will punch her as hard as I can, right in the face
So if your wife comes close to having an affair or actually has an affair you will punch her best friend in the face as hard as you can.

What's that going to solve?

Also are you going to punch your wife in the face too?

If you aren't planning on punching your wife in the face as hard as you can if she has an affair, tnen why not? Doesn't seem fair that her best friend will be punched in the face and your wife wouldn't be punched in the face especially considering that her best friend isn't even to blame for your wife's numerous affairs.
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post #22 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-06-2016, 08:43 AM Thread Starter
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Re: R is holding fast - 4 months after DDay2

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So if your wife comes close to having an affair or actually has an affair you will punch her best friend in the face as hard as you can.

What's that going to solve?

Also are you going to punch your wife in the face too?

If you aren't planning on punching your wife in the face as hard as you can if she has an affair, tnen why not? Doesn't seem fair that her best friend will be punched in the face and your wife wouldn't be punched in the face especially considering that her best friend isn't even to blame for your wife's numerous affairs.
Th W will suffer much more than a bloody nose.

The success of marriage comes not in finding the “right” person, but in the ability of both partners to adjust to the real person they inevitably realize they married - John Fischer
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post #23 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-08-2016, 10:29 AM Thread Starter
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Had a good discussion last night about how the relationship ended with the last OM. She really opened up and provided some clarity, in a way I could understand
We were living 1000 miles apart. I had filed for D. Co-worker OM would drop by for the occasional romp whenever he felt like it. She followed him one night and observed him pursuing a new romantic interest (also a co-worker) and figured out what he was doing and where she fell in the pecking order (3rd). She told him to stay away but he wouldn't. So eventually she had to inform his W to get him to stop the unannounced visits. A week later she was called into the office by management and was accused of stalking him (untrue) and was ultimately forced out of her job. She had no further contact with him until a month later he called from a private number, angry that he himself had been fired for sexual harassment of the other girl, and he blamed my W. They have never spoken since or have seen each other.
So the real reason for the end of this relationship finally is revealed: Jealousy and feeling used when she was preparing to continue her life as a divorced woman, find someone new, and settle down. And this OM would have gotten in the way of that plan.
Later she would have a spiritual awakening and decide it was better to stand for her marriage and make sweeping changes in herself, but that is another thread.
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post #24 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-08-2016, 11:44 AM Thread Starter
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I believe toxic friends are in the top 3 categories of contributing to As.
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post #25 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-08-2016, 06:02 PM
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Re: R is holding fast - 4 months after DDay2

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I believe toxic friends are in the top 3 categories of contributing to As.
I'm having difficulty wrapping my head around the intending meaning of this statement.

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post #26 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-09-2016, 12:09 AM Thread Starter
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1 is the WS, 2 is the AP, and 3 is the toxic friend (or friends).
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post #27 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-09-2016, 09:18 AM
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Re: R is holding fast - 4 months after DDay2

What are the categories?
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post #28 of 28 (permalink) Old 01-09-2016, 11:49 AM Thread Starter
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What are the categories?
Besides the 3 mentioned: abandonment, substance abuse, hitting age gates 30/35/40, coworkers, health issues, kids leaving the household, etc. But infidelity can happen anytime, anywhere, to anyone.
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