Had a good discussion last night about how the relationship ended with the last OM. She really opened up and provided some clarity, in a way I could understand
We were living 1000 miles apart. I had filed for D. Co-worker OM would drop by for the occasional romp whenever he felt like it. She followed him one night and observed him pursuing a new romantic interest (also a co-worker) and figured out what he was doing and where she fell in the pecking order (3rd). She told him to stay away but he wouldn't. So eventually she had to inform his W to get him to stop the unannounced visits. A week later she was called into the office by management and was accused of stalking him (untrue) and was ultimately forced out of her job. She had no further contact with him until a month later he called from a private number, angry that he himself had been fired for sexual harassment of the other girl, and he blamed my W. They have never spoken since or have seen each other.
So the real reason for the end of this relationship finally is revealed: Jealousy and feeling used when she was preparing to continue her life as a divorced woman, find someone new, and settle down. And this OM would have gotten in the way of that plan.
Later she would have a spiritual awakening and decide it was better to stand for her marriage and make sweeping changes in herself, but that is another thread.