Hi everyone.
Husband and I reconciled after an almost year-long separation. We have been living together for almost 4 months now. It's him, myself and our 3 year old daughter.
Reconciliation has not been easy, there are ups and downs. I am in individual counselling to deal with resentment and the fallout of arguments, as well as to help me make a decision about whether I should divorce him or stay together. Counselling has helped me see that, for now, staying together is the option that will cause the least amount of damage to my daughter. My counsellor is a divorced mom of 2 and she focuses a lot on how my daughter is affected if we argue etc. which I really appreciate.
Husband and I have made progress but it's because I just let a lot of things go. My stress levels were sky-high, causing health problems and I decided to focus on my health rather than what he should/shouldn't be doing.
He still spends A LOT of time with his biological family. Tuesday I watched a movie after work so he went to his mom's. Wednesday I visited my mom so he was at his mom's. Today he calls and asks me if it's OK to have dinner at his mom's because "she invited him for a special dinner". This is on top of the fact that they see him every day (he commutes to work/from work with his siblings and spends an hour after work with them until I come home). And he also is there for a full day every weekend with our daughter.
I'm just getting stressed out, you know? I'm sad. Because we had an argument. I told him, your mom should realize you have a family of your own and we need to spend time together...he got offended. He said he'd come home but I don't want to spend dinner with an angry person who I am also angry at! I also realize that it's NOT his mom's fault, it's his, for not drawing boundaries with his family. His mom can ask him to come over every night...he should know not to and communicate it to her.
We are so different. I don't want to be the wife who asks him to spend less time with his mom/siblings...but if I don't tell him it's bothering me or it's wrong, he'll keep doing it and nothing will improve. But I'm so terrified of the effect a divorce would have on my daughter. When he's at work, or he leaves for groceries, she cries to go with him because she's so attached to him. This is aside from the emotional trauma TO ME of divorcing someone I care a lot about.
As for his family, I have "gotten over" the fact that they do not want a relationship with me and realized that they hurt me so much the first time around, WHY ON EARTH would I allow them to hurt me a second time around? So we don't keep in touch. I only hear about them through my husband or daughter and I don't plan on building a relationship with them again.
Husband and I reconciled after an almost year-long separation. We have been living together for almost 4 months now. It's him, myself and our 3 year old daughter.
Reconciliation has not been easy, there are ups and downs. I am in individual counselling to deal with resentment and the fallout of arguments, as well as to help me make a decision about whether I should divorce him or stay together. Counselling has helped me see that, for now, staying together is the option that will cause the least amount of damage to my daughter. My counsellor is a divorced mom of 2 and she focuses a lot on how my daughter is affected if we argue etc. which I really appreciate.
Husband and I have made progress but it's because I just let a lot of things go. My stress levels were sky-high, causing health problems and I decided to focus on my health rather than what he should/shouldn't be doing.
He still spends A LOT of time with his biological family. Tuesday I watched a movie after work so he went to his mom's. Wednesday I visited my mom so he was at his mom's. Today he calls and asks me if it's OK to have dinner at his mom's because "she invited him for a special dinner". This is on top of the fact that they see him every day (he commutes to work/from work with his siblings and spends an hour after work with them until I come home). And he also is there for a full day every weekend with our daughter.
I'm just getting stressed out, you know? I'm sad. Because we had an argument. I told him, your mom should realize you have a family of your own and we need to spend time together...he got offended. He said he'd come home but I don't want to spend dinner with an angry person who I am also angry at! I also realize that it's NOT his mom's fault, it's his, for not drawing boundaries with his family. His mom can ask him to come over every night...he should know not to and communicate it to her.
We are so different. I don't want to be the wife who asks him to spend less time with his mom/siblings...but if I don't tell him it's bothering me or it's wrong, he'll keep doing it and nothing will improve. But I'm so terrified of the effect a divorce would have on my daughter. When he's at work, or he leaves for groceries, she cries to go with him because she's so attached to him. This is aside from the emotional trauma TO ME of divorcing someone I care a lot about.
As for his family, I have "gotten over" the fact that they do not want a relationship with me and realized that they hurt me so much the first time around, WHY ON EARTH would I allow them to hurt me a second time around? So we don't keep in touch. I only hear about them through my husband or daughter and I don't plan on building a relationship with them again.