Thanks for this, I never really considered that hearing D at home back then would have an impact on me doing this decades later but it makes sense.
For 1. I'll start IC & I'll remove anything stressful from my life. For 2, I plan to propose to first talk about it between us and as a next step if needed, do MC.
For anything to happen though we need to talk and meet. She's not too keen on that and to be honest I can't blame her.
Whether or not she meets with you, start seeing an IC.
Personally, I believe that she, and the amount of money you (and she) spend is one of the huge stressers in your life.
Stop reaching out to her. The more you call, and the more she rebuffs you, you are looking more and more pathetic in her eyes.
I understand that you are in love with your child, perhaps even more than you love your wife, because the child hasn't hurt you and needs you while your wife doesn't. But you have to accept that unfortunately the fate of your child seems to be in your wife's hands according to British law.
Even if you get back with her this time, the next time she gets fed up with you, or finds someone else who has more money, you will be thrown to the sidelines and you not see your child.
You should not get back together with her just because you have a child with her. You have to get back together because she is the right woman for you, and you for her. If she wants to spend you to oblivion, and party until YOU drop, do you really believe she is the right woman for you?