Justification for this is ... that she wants the "best". Well we are paycheck to paycheck so either of us loosing his/her job would mean trouble.
I've tried talking numbers but we've progressed very little. Joint expenses like rent & bills are 50-50 atm, I'm happy to skew this according to income %'s and discussed this with her. When we go out, it's me who pays (and often this can cost quite a bit).
So far bank accounts are separate and I have told her that unless we define clear goals for joint accounts I do not agree.
She proposed to have a "working capital" shared account so that we do not talk about give me X£ for this or that, I didn't agree on the amount going there and I said lets put less there plus open a joint savings account with very clear goals (e.g. buy a house in this £range in X years time). She didn't agree to the two accounts idea (some £ going for current expenses but most being locked in a savings account with a clear objective agreed upon upfront).
I told her today that I am taking steps to amend for what I did but it is pointless if we don't talk, hinting that I want her to be there if this is to work.
I made the mistake, my behaviour was terrible tbh so I'm not in position for high demands but I do think if she's not picking up the phone nor seeing me we won't get anywhere. It's a difficult step for her to take as she's lost trust due to my tantrums.
I had told her a month ago or so that if we are to spend on brands & restaurants, rather than saving, then I'd rather get a job that's more relaxed, pays less and we can skip the brands. Financially this is equivalent and I'll live longer.
Whats her justification for more fancy restaurants and vacations? How far down the road would y'all be in trouble if you did what she is asking? Has she seen the numbers in black and white? Is your money pooled together or separate? What would happen if it were separated if its not?
I want to share a concept that may not be crossing your mind. I don't think its wise to chase her right now. Get centered as an individual. Just concentrate on your immediate space. By taking your hyper focus off of her, you open up space for her to seek you out and initiate. It could take her a while, so you would have to keep busy, but right now you are carrying the entire weight of this relationship on your shoulders. You need to lay it down and wait for her to pick up some of the load. The entirety of this relationship does not belong solely on your shoulders alone.
You are the father of her child who ALSO deserves respect. You are working hard to provide and protect yall financially, she can back her truck up with the demands. See now I'm getting mad for you. If she wants to let her mother and aunt destroy her marriage with foolish ideas, then she is truly blind to her part in protecting this marriage. You are not her work mule she can beat with a whip going down the road. I equivocate your threatening divorce (though I dont like it) to you bucking her off. In the horse world we call that FEEDBACK and maybe she needed and deserved to have her a$$ bucked off. Sometimes you've GOT to say "Enough is f'in enough". So don't beat yourself up too hard for this one. I can tell this woman needs to be rocked back on her heels hard.
Sorry for the fiestiness... That kind of disrespect ticks me off. Who the hell does she think she is.... Ok. Lol... Sorry