I should had never let that word slip my mouth.
I do listen to her to be honest and do pay a lot of attention to her wishes but it's a bit one sided. When there's an argument, she won't back down and it usually comes to me stepping down. E.g. during that trip what I told her initially was sorry for starting an argument but we agreed that to go there I'll get the sleep I need first which is a part you found it's ok to skip. She wouldn't reconcile until I admitted guilty despite our agreement on me getting some sleep, after a whole day of arguing I mentioned divorce.
My tantrum three days ago was because she didn't take into consideration my input in a period when I'm under medication which causes tireness and by doctor's orders I need rest.
In one of the 30 sec calls (she hangs up after that), I meant to tell her I had a tantrum because I feel insecure when she neglects my needs and then I become angry but she hung up at "insecure". In another 30 sec call when I mentioned the antibiotic's side effects and my condition she said "you're not the only one in the world to have this" and she hang up.
I'm not saying it's ok to mention divorce because I had a reason to be angry but at the moment she's not interested at all into hearing the root cause.
I agree that this is something we need to work on as longer term goal but right it's me that did the major blow to our wedding by saying the word "divorce" 3 times in 3 months. I need to amend that first.
I think these tantrums have hurt her a lot and she lost trust in me because of it.
Before we start MC, we need to be in contact first and work towards this together. Right now she has lost all trust in me (I can't blame her to be honest) and won't even talk to me.
We need to talk first, need to build trust again. Then I'd be keen to do MC and anything it takes to amend. I'm very serious about this, she and the child are my number 1 priority.
What can I do to go back to talking terms and build trust again?
You both sound immature.
You should know better than to threaten divorce. It's not a threat to be taken lightly at all. Never threaten divorce unless you're willing to follow through with it. There are only so many times you can throw that threat out there as a fear tactic or a tactic to win an argument before you'll find (as you now know) it blows up in your face.
She is immature for not wanting to have adult discussions with you. Why do you think she would rather ignore you? Do you listen to her when she has something serious to discuss? Lack of effort when it comes to communication over serious matters says that there is a fundamental disconnect between the two of you and there is no respect for each other.
I'd suggest MC as soon as possible. Have a serious talk with her (if you're able to get her in contact with you again) and say that you want to work on repairing the damage that's been done. If she's also willing to work toward the same endeavor, that you both need to be open to MC.
MC isn't the magic solution, but it does give you a new environment for you both to share and get to the heart of what causes disagreement, and how to better and more calmly communicate effectively.
The personal issues are for each of you to tackle individually. You need to work on your emotions and she needs to work on her passive aggressiveness. With a child on the way, you both need to draw focus toward being solid, mature partners that can respect one another.