Is it even worth fixing? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 12-26-2015, 10:22 PM Thread Starter
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Is it even worth fixing?

It all started 4 months ago when my husband moved to LA with me. We had been together for just about 2 years and made a decision for me to finally go back to school for something I had been passionate about for many years and for him to get his foot in the door to start working on film sets.

Everything started pretty decent, he had made some connections in the film world and I had made enough money for my deposit for school that my dad was helping me with. We didn't have the best financial stability but we had enough to get all our bills paid and had agreed for me to not work while in school so I could get the best education I could.

My husband was having a difficult time adjusting to LA as he had never really been away from his home town and never lived on his own away from family which I completely understood. I gave him space when he seemed like he needed it and tried to show him the spots of LA I had found before he moved up here due to his school.

About a month after he moved here things started gradually getting worse. I noticed that our sex life had been lacking, he didn't want to have sex anymore, and his attitude started decreasing, including how he started treating me. I tried everything I possibly could to keep us from drifting apart and to keep our communication open.

By October my husband stopped communicating with me and found anything he could to start fights with me. It suddenly became my fault that I was in school and not working, despite the mutual understanding that we had that I would not be working. He was constantly telling me how he did not want to live with me in LA anymore and how he felt like our marriage was a complete disaster and that we should get a divorce. He would, and still does, pick fights with me for absolutely no reason and place blame on me for things that I have not done. Our first marriage anniversary was a fight due to him getting upset that I had spent time with my friends the night before which he had told me was alright, and telling me that he had made all these plans that I had ruined because I spent time with my friends.

The first week of December, for the second time within the last year, he was once again submitted to the mental institution for threatening to his family that he was going to kill himself. While he was in we talked every single day. The first 3 days he was there it seemed like he wanted to work on our relationship and make it work which of course I gladly told him I would do anything we needed to to make it work. After that he constantly stated how we aren't good financially, which despite not wanting to take too much focus on my schooling I have gone out and found 2 jobs to make sure we are good financially. He got out of the mental institution on December 23rd and has only stressed about money as he does not have a full time job.

I have told him many times that I will do whatever I can to help him find a full time job. I have offered to take him to temp agencies to get him some type of job that will pay him decent money and get him some type of job skills and have suggested to take him to the vet centers to help him find a job. I have told him that I have two jobs lined up and that I put in a application for a paid internship which would make me a good amount of money a week all in which he refused to say anything about other then "well you better get something".

At this point I am doing whatever it is in my power to keep this relationship going without receiving any effort from him. He is refusing to look for jobs and refusing to invest any time into our relationship to make it better. He wants nothing to do with me sexually and any time I try to even kiss, hug, or even get close to him he pulls away as fast as he can.

At this time we can not afford marriage counseling and I am stuck here trying to fix both our financial situation and relationship on my own while trying to live a happy life and be successful at school.

Is it even worth trying to fix at this point? Would it be better to divorce so that I can at least be with someone that doesn't put blame on me for every problem? I strongly do not believe in divorce but through all the pain and being constantly told he wants to leave I am starting to lean more and more towards divorce.

What else can I possibly do to try and save my relationship by myself before considering divorce?


Last edited by lost_21; 12-26-2015 at 10:40 PM.
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 12-26-2015, 10:35 PM
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Re: Is it even worth fixing?

Tell him to go home to his family? Consider it a "separation". See if he will get his sh*t together or not. THEN, see if you really want to be married to him or not....reassess. Give it a time limit, six months or a year.... imagine the weight lifting as he moves away to work on himself.
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 12-26-2015, 10:37 PM
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Re: Is it even worth fixing?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lost_21 View Post
It all started 4 months ago when my husband moved to LA with me. We had been married for just about 2 years and made a decision for me to finally go back to school for something I had been passionate about for many years and for him to get his foot in the door to start working on film sets.
..
Our first marriage anniversary was a fight due to him getting upset that I had spent time with my friends the night before which he had told me was alright, and telling me that he had made all these plans that I had ruined because I spent time with my friends.
These two paragraphs seem to contradict each other. You were married 2 years before moving to LA. But on your first anniversary you had a fight (after you moved to LA)?

Please clarify.

How long did you know your husband before you married him?

How old are you and your husband?

Your husband is falling apart emotionally to the point that you cannot deal with it. In this case I suggest that you get a divorce and move on. And be careful about divorce in CA. You could end up having to pay him alimony if he is unable to function and work.

IT sounds to me like he needs to move back to be with his family.

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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 12-26-2015, 10:47 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Is it even worth fixing?

We have been together for 2 years and married for 1 year. Thank you for pointing that out.

We both are in our 20's. It is to a point where I feel almost like suggesting him moving back with his family and separating so that he can get his life on track and I can focus on my career and happiness and after a couple of months discussing our relationship.

I really don't want a divorce. I didn't get married to just throw it out the window when times get rough. I firmly believe in putting in any and all necessary work to keep the relationship going.
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 12-26-2015, 10:52 PM
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Re: Is it even worth fixing?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lost_21 View Post
We have been together for 2 years and married for 1 year. Thank you for pointing that out.

We both are in our 20's. It is to a point where I feel almost like suggesting him moving back with his family and separating so that he can get his life on track and I can focus on my career and happiness and after a couple of months discussing our relationship.

I really don't want a divorce. I didn't get married to just throw it out the window when times get rough. I firmly believe in putting in any and all necessary work to keep the relationship going.
I understand not wanting a divorce.

Why does he say that he's acting the way he's acting?

Does he take drugs... like illegal drugs?

.

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