paged me here apparently so I will offer whatever input that I can.
First off, you're going to have some "haters". As John suggested, don't look at it as hating, these people will help you find yourself. Some of the BS can come across as almost cruel in their ways of talking to you. I've had one BS blow up at people trying to help me and called them ****blockers. It happens. You're dealing with BS and WS alike. Some things you say might trigger a BS, or make them angry or think you're full of ****. But what you have to keep in mind is, ALL of the comments will help you in one way or another.
I've broken down crying from some of the comments on my thread. I've responded, sometimes in a not so nice way. But at the end of the day, you have to realize that tough love helps you grow.
If you stay here and keep responding, you'll be forced to look deep within yourself and that's a very good thing. I've been told by a few that were very hard on me that I've somewhat gained their respect. I have to feel that it's because I'm not giving up on my quest to become a better person.
In my opinion, there are many different types of WS. The serial cheaters, the one time long affairs, the one time flings and the emotional cheaters.
Unfortunately you fall under the serial category. I fall under the one time fling. What sucks is, you were given several chances. And you threw it away each time. You failed to recognize your behavior before it was too late. I know the "it's too late" sentence sucks. I'm in the it's too late category myself and it's the hardest thing in the world to accept.
My husband wants a separation because he "has to". He can't "do the cheating thing" and making me leave is "how he makes it stop". I'd give my life to change that. So I do know how you're feeling right now. My husband has mentioned several times that he "can't see the future" and "there may be a chance for us some day" but "not now, especially not right now". Many people have told me my marriage is over. And I can't accept it. The pain is real, raw and overwhelming most days. I GET IT.
But I've done so much soul searching since my DDay - September 29th.
I still live with my husband. I still sleep with my husband and wake up to him wrapped around me often. He's also gone back to kissing me. Make out kisses, along with sweet kisses. My husband will play with my hair, rub my back, hug me. Lay his head on my chest, rub my feet, do things for me.
And it gives me hope. But at the same time, I can FEEL the difference in him. His smiles aren't so swift, he's guarded with me. He checks my text messages and Facebook incessantly. Even though moving out is the last thing I want, I'm in the process of buying a house. And I've come to even look forward to making it my own. I just got word today that I got the second job I applied for. I'm planning my life ON MY OWN. I'm planning to make it on my own. There's a great sense of accomplishment in that. I'm taking pride in how I'm taking charge of my life in those aspects.
Most people on TAM don't like my husband. He has his own issues and he surely hasn't been a saint during our marriage. I've even had people tell me my one time PA and shaky boundaries are understandable. However, I still accept full responsibility for what I did. Because I always had a choice.
But through this soul searching I'm learning so much about myself. I've changed my boundaries (still working on it, it's not easy). I've become 110% transparent to a man who doesn't want me any longer. I've stopped contact with 95% or so of my "friends" because they're toxic. I've made it my goal to persue female friendships. I no longer seek male attention (at least not knowingly) and I analyze my actions with as much foresight as possible.
There are many here that don't believe my husband either deserves me nor that I should be chasing him because he's "no prize". It's hard to shut that off.
But. This deep soul searching, this getting to know myself is something that is tantamount to my future. Either as his wife, someone else's mate or as a crazy old cat lady.
Search yourself. Figure out why you do the things you do. Change them. You have proven to be an unsafe mate. What can you do in the future to be a safe mate?
And this is the hardest for me to say, because I get it, but let him walk away. He has expressed what he needs in order to heal. If you truly love him, you'll give him WHATEVER he needs in order to heal. That was the only thing that made me able to proceed with buying my own house. When you truly love someone, you want them to love you back. But sometimes the best thing to do is let them go. Posted via Mobile Device