how to win my wife's heart back?
First things first, you can't 'win' her back. Let's make that clear. So I'd suggest you stop thinking that way.
I've had a look at your two threads. Yes, you're in a mess. You've both acted in very destructive and hurtful ways to each other. She's doing what she needs to do right now. Separating, to get space to clear her head. From what you've said (at least your side of what's happened) it seems like she still loves you. Or at least the idea of still loving you.
But, given all that has happened, even if there have been some changes for the better, it's not surprising she is confused. Undecided as to whether she wants to keep trying.
BUT, that's not your concern right now. Chasing her, trying to 'win' her back, will only push her away. She doesn't need you right now. She needs to figure herself out.
And YOU need to figure yourself out. THAT'S your goal. Don't focus on the relationship. Get to work on yourself.
You've mentioned that you have realised you have problems, your own problems. Work on those. Find out what's 'broken' with you. And work on making you better. Get into counselling (or continue it). Go to the gym. It's a great way of burning off anxiety, and getting in shape. and never EVER say to her anything like "look, i'm changing! See?" She'll see it for herself and decide if it's real.
Work on you. And let her work on her. If you get back together it will have to be as two different people. Not the ones who separated.
She may come back, she may not. But you have to accept the 'may not' part, no matter how it hurts. But if she comes back, it's because she chooses to, not because you changed just enough to 'win' her back.