both have read this book and think highly of it.
I tagged them to see if they would drop in on this thread.
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Hi, far. Yes, I read HMT,
but over a year ago. I really should reread it.
OP, I did enjoy the book. I don't have it in front of me, as I am out of country right now, but I remember she encouraged each partner to open their heart to the other, in complete vulnerability. The purpose was not to attack in any way, but just to expose our hurt openly, and not hide anymore.
Have you heard the saying, "If we don't talk it out, we will act it out"? I think she is trying to get things out so the unkind actions driven by the hurt can stop.When we do that, our partner will usually be moved by compassion for our suffering.
Our vulnerability can invite our partner's vulnerability, too. I told my husband nearly two years ago that I cry sometimes when I think about our son's cancer coming back. To my surprise, my husband told me that he cries about it sometimes, too. I did not realize that. His vulnerability was in response to mine, and it was a moment of bonding for us.
The author also talked about attachment theory as applied to marriage. I am a strong believer in attachment theory as applied to childrearing. I breastfed my five children for years, did the family bed, and homeschool in a very relaxed fashion.
I think my husband in many ways has treated our marriage as an attachment experience. He is very committed and caring with me. I don't think he believes in divorce. He strongly believes in nurturing a wife and providing a stable base and commitment to her. He has never read HMT,
but I think he lives it.