Re: can u go back and not have the SA hold leaving over your head
The advice from my T was to continue to keep the house I was renting for at least 6 months, longer if I am uncertin. She seems to think I will know for sure if things are going to work or not. With the holidays coming and the stress that comes with that. Then in January and February the depression that sometimes occurs after the holidays, I will surely know by then.
We have a back up plan. The T has two of my kids in T, separate from me. If anything alarming comes up then she will help me leave. The first plan is what is in the best interest of my children. My little girl is not so sure about returning. She is a child, she wants to but not he other hand she doesn't want to. She asked me what would happen if we started arguing agian, and her daddy made me cry again. I told her we might argue like she does with her brother, and I might cry like she does when her brother is aggravating, but if her daddy is aggravating a lot or makes me cry a lot, then we are moving. She wanted to know if she could have friends over, I told her absolutely she could. Her concern was that her daddy was nto going to let her have visitors. I told her things are going to be different now, He WILL allow her to have visitors or we will nto stay .She wanted to know was he going to make her get rid of her cat, and I told her no, If he doesn't want to keep the cat then he is not going to keep us, we will move.
The T said that was my golden key . The key to an end. If I need to leave then my response to him is "I made a promise to that little girl adn I intend on keeping that promise."
The other option is the T and I simply tell my H that it is not going to work. Then she helps me leave. We do have to be realist and be prepared for the worst case senerio. In the event that things are very bad the T will tell my H that she is going to report him to social services and the kids will be taken, she is not really going to take them. She is going to give me the option to move me and them away from there dad. It is unlikely that will happen. But you do have to be prepared for the unthinkable. In the event that she says leave and I do not though she will report to social services. She has my best interest in mind, and she has cares greatly for children. She is the best T in the world. I feel safe moving forward into this.
My H has done a lot of T over the past year and she ok wit home going back and that has been the goal for a long time. The T and I agreed a year ago if she didn't think it was a good idea then I would listen to her. Only after her recommendation that she thought it was safe and he had changed should I even begin to consider returning. I feel like I am doing the right thing. It is a hard thing to do, but it is the right thing.