You neglected to mention what he does that is abusive (I am not acquainted with any of your previous posts). You said he threatened to turn off the phones and internet, but that by itself means very little.
So as it stands, I'm not sure whether you're over-reacting and being irrational. Or whether your actions were entirely appropriate.
Ok. What did he do that was so abusive. Well he never laid a hand on me or the kids. Let me start off with that. He would raise his voice and then stand almost touching me and look downwards at me (he is a foot taller then me). He would bump into me "by accident" as he walked past. He would argue with me and stand blocking the doorway so that I had to ASK him to move. He stood where he knew I needed to be. I was afraid to ask him to move, like making coffee and I needed to get a spoon out of the drawer. He has OCD as well. I remember him yelling "Yall get in here, who didn't pick this debbie cake wrapper up and put it in the trash. YALL, that in included me, yall was me to, and he would line us all up and someone would have to admit to it. He would have me and the kids pick up dirty gravel out of the driveway, he would have us clean fly spit off the windows. I remember washing some grease off teh grass outside. I spilled some cooking oil on the grass while I was walking to pour it out over the fence. We had made french fries the yummy way
He didn't like me talking on the phone after he got home, he didn't like me using the computer to talk to people, he didn't like me visiting with my family, he didn't want me hanging out with people because WE didn't have time or the energy to invest in friendships.
In his defence, you have no idea the kind of abuse I went threw before I met him and we got married. I have HSP. (Highly sensitive personality) I have sensory issues in regards to sound everything sounds like it is x10. I have issues with personal space as well. I need lots and lots of it. I'm a "Please don't stand so close to me" kinda person. I also cry very easily because I get triggered. My fight, flight and freeze response goes off with very little reason.
My H has learned to set in the floor when have intense discussions. That way i am at a height advantage. He has learned to set across the room when we have discussions. He doesn't get any where near the door. He has followed through with these things for over a year. That is why I do believe he is capable of change.
At the end of our relationship, we just were not getting along at all. The bills were barely getting paid and he wanted the landline phone cut off and the internet threw the landline cut off. It was a constant issue that I was using the computer instead of talking to him. I was using it to avoid him. (again, I am not faultless in this marriage) Those were some biggies. But he also wanted the cell phone cut off. He was going out of business and we were no longer going to have the business pay for cell phones, but he was not going to get me a phone. He was going to leave me at home all day with no phone. What if I fell and got hurt. He was going to leave me at home with little children and no phone. That just not wise. I get that he was also triggered over finances. His control of that stuff came from a place of fear, financial fear. My leaving came out of a place of fear to though. Abuse was a common theme and no phone and no internet, no way to talk to the outside world, was not something I was ready to embrace. We live in the country. It's not like I can go outside and talk to my neighbor. I can't even see one neighbors house from mine. i might can yell to my other neighbors house and they maybe can here me if they happen to be outside.
That is hte bulk of hte issues in the past few years. I do think he is teachable and trainable. He may also have aspergers. IT makes him a very black and whit thinker. It makes him not have the ability to think of others feeling the way we do. It makes him oblivious to a lot of social things. Like DON'T STAND TO CLOSE, or say excuse me instead of "GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THE WAY" . When these things are brought to his attention he is usually able to change them and eventually recognize that was not the correct way to handle things.
So that is it in a nut shell. Like I said I am at fault here to. I came with a lot of baggage to. I have my share of contributions to the issues to,