Winning her back! - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

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post #16 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-16-2016, 05:41 PM
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Re: Winning her back!

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Originally Posted by asandefur25 View Post
My children are 3 and 4, my older son is not biologically mine and I haven't had the finances to adopt him. So it's been made clear to me he will be used to her advantage should I not do things how she wants them.

We had to live with family because of financial issues. Was more cost effective to split bilks than take in the whole thing alone. For almost all that time she was a stay at home mom while I worked full time.

And I have no good answer to why I let that happen. On one hand I didn't want to upset my family, and on the other I was mad about things that had happened throughout our relationship.

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I see, okay.

There's just SO much drama.

So, do you believe in God at all? Do you and/or your wife have any type of spiritual beliefs, or faith?

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post #17 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-16-2016, 05:41 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Winning her back!

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Originally Posted by Bananapeel View Post
Sorry for my ignorance but the timing doesn't match. Either way, the answer you are looking for is to be a better version of you. Do the 180 and if she shows interest in getting back with you, then go find a good marriage counselor.
My son will be 5 in just a few weeks we got together in February of 2011. If that helps. I just want to be able to say I took every avenue possible to try and make good on my promise of marriage.

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post #18 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-16-2016, 05:45 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Winning her back!

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I see, okay.

There's just SO much drama.

So, do you believe in God at all? Do you and/or your wife have any type of spiritual beliefs, or faith?
We were both raised in church, and believe and try to instill God within our children, but sometimes stray from the right path, and we do not attend church on a regular basis. She expressed much interest in finding a church, we never really had much luck finding a church that we felt truly welcome. Our intent just within the last year was to find a church, and once we had been attending for awhile and got to know the people try to attend group studies and have weekly meetings with the Pastor to help out issues

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post #19 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-16-2016, 05:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Winning her back!

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Originally Posted by ThreeStrikes View Post
Well, you had a shirtless selfie-pic as your avatar. On a marriage forum.

Anyways....

Neither of you seems capable of maintaining an emotionally mature relationship. My advice to you is to live alone and work on your issues with a competent IC.

Forget about "winning" anyone back. There's no such thing.
That picture was automatically uploaded when I signed in using my Google account. I'm sure many would appreciate stones not being thrown. Everyone here is trying to help and seek help.

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post #20 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-16-2016, 05:58 PM
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Re: Winning her back!

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Originally Posted by asandefur25 View Post
We were both raised in church, and believe and try to instill God within our children, but sometimes stray from the right path, and we do not attend church on a regular basis. She expressed much interest in finding a church, we never really had much luck finding a church that we felt truly welcome. Our intent just within the last year was to find a church, and once we had been attending for awhile and got to know the people try to attend group studies and have weekly meetings with the Pastor to help out issues

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I'm a Christian now, but there was a time I 'strayed.' I left and became an atheist. God can do amazing things, and since you believe...maybe take this time to get close to Him again? I'm not preaching, lol I'm just saying, when you don't know where to turn in your own strength, let His strength lead you. Even if things don't work out with her, you seem all over the place right now, and this may be what you need to gain comfort and peace again.
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post #21 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-16-2016, 06:04 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Winning her back!

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I'm a Christian now, but there was a time I 'strayed.' I left and became an atheist. God can do amazing things, and since you believe...maybe take this time to get close to Him again? I'm not preaching, lol I'm just saying, when you don't know where to turn in your own strength, let His strength lead you. Even if things don't work out with her, you seem all over the place right now, and this may be what you need to gain comfort and peace again.
Thank you. This has been an experience that has been leading me to much prayer, asking of advice of many believers, and also for their prayers.

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post #22 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-16-2016, 07:21 PM
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Re: Winning her back!

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Thank you. This has been an experience that has been leading me to much prayer, asking of advice of many believers, and also for their prayers.

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God's got this. But, trust where He leads you. He may be leading you back to your marriage or not. Not everything we want, is what we need.
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post #23 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-16-2016, 07:43 PM
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Re: Winning her back!

Those kids need a peaceful, loving stable home life. If you focus there, your wife will notice.

Have you studied the faces of abuse or sought books on how not to abuse or be abused?

The Abuse Thread

I recommend the book You Don't Have To Take It Anymore. Its a book about turning a mutually abusive relationship into a mutually compassionate, loving and emotionally fulfilling relationship.

The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to Blossom. - Anais Nin
Never underestimate the potential for things to improve in ways you cannot yet imagine. Karen Rohlf
Be soft as possible, but firm as necessary - Pat Parelli

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post #24 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-16-2016, 08:56 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Winning her back!

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Originally Posted by Blossom Leigh View Post
Those kids need a peaceful, loving stable home life. If you focus there, your wife will notice.

Have you studied the faces of abuse or sought books on how not to abuse or be abused?

The Abuse Thread

I recommend the book You Don't Have To Take It Anymore. Its a book about turning a mutually abusive relationship into a mutually compassionate, loving and emotionally fulfilling relationship.
I will look into those. And yes my focus has been my children through this whole thing. We have gotten along pretty well and have been splitting the responsibility of raising and looking after them. We have attended doctor visits together and other things. As far as that we have done very well with the exception of the using my older son against me in arguments and to get her way but it hasn't happened very many times

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post #25 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-16-2016, 09:00 PM
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Re: Winning her back!

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Originally Posted by asandefur25 View Post
I will look into those. And yes my focus has been my children through this whole thing. We have gotten along pretty well and have been splitting the responsibility of raising and looking after them. We have attended doctor visits together and other things. As far as that we have done very well with the exception of the using my older son against me in arguments and to get her way but it hasn't happened very many times

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She needs to quit that.

I have a lot of books listed in my signature link as well.


The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to Blossom. - Anais Nin
Never underestimate the potential for things to improve in ways you cannot yet imagine. Karen Rohlf
Be soft as possible, but firm as necessary - Pat Parelli

Blossom's Road of Recovery and Reconciliation
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post #26 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 12:59 PM
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Re: Winning her back!

Sorry, but this sounds like a TERRIBLE relationship that you really should just let go of. Do the work on yourself so that in the future, you can be a better partner to someone.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

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post #27 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-26-2016, 08:58 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Winning her back!

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Sorry, but this sounds like a TERRIBLE relationship that you really should just let go of. Do the work on yourself so that in the future, you can be a better partner to someone.
I have decided to step away. Though I do need to change things about myself I am willing to do those things. At this point if we were together it wouldn't be different because she refuses to see her own fault in what has happened between us. Unless a major mindset change were to happen I don't see us together again.

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post #28 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-26-2016, 09:27 AM
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Re: Winning her back!

Congratulation someone woke up and smelled the coffee....she is a blame shifting serial cheater.....move on with your life.
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post #29 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-26-2016, 09:36 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Winning her back!

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Congratulation someone woke up and smelled the coffee....she is a blame shifting serial cheater.....move on with your life.
She is. And I am not going to say I am not in love with her because I am. But I have come to realize that to love soneone and make them happy then you have to love yourself and know that they will make you happy. Until that is possible than this is what is best for me and my relationship with my children. They don't need to see me miserable and they don't need to see their mother as the reason for that

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post #30 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-26-2016, 10:08 AM
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Re: Winning her back!

When we know beter, we do better. You've taken a big step forward, A. It's time for you to improve yourself and your life.

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"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.

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Last edited by anchorwatch; 03-26-2016 at 11:25 AM.
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