thank you - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-21-2016, 07:30 PM Thread Starter
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thank you

Thank you to everyone who commented on my post... at first I was taken aback by some comments, but all of your perspectives helped me to see the situation from a very different perspective. I did feel very responsible, but I was quite hung up on having been honest when he lied....

I can see things differently now. I can see how it might not matter to you to be truthful to someone who you thought loved you unconditionally, and more than anyone else in the world, if they had betrayed you, even if they did it with full disclosure.

That shift has helped me release what resentment I was holding on to... and that is helping me tremendously.

I know the odds are against me, but I hope I'm right. I hope there's still a chance. I took a lot of big steps today, and I have a plan, and I'm probably a lot more hopeful than I ought to be, but that's a lot better than a puddle on the floor.....

So anyway, thanks again. I appreciate it very much.

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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-21-2016, 07:34 PM
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Re: thank you

Rude, did you delete your thread?
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-21-2016, 08:17 PM Thread Starter
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-21-2016, 08:55 PM
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Re: thank you

Well, good luck. Hope it eventually works out the way you want.
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-21-2016, 11:39 PM Thread Starter
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Thank you. I hope it works out the way that is best..... I've been wondering if I should tell him, that I think what I did was worse now... I have been very, "i was awful but i didn't lie and I stopped. .. but you're still being awful and you lied!"

But now I'm thinking that doesn't matter.... I betrayed him when he believed completely that I never would, and in my dogged determination to be "honest" I basically made him witness to me slowly falling for someone else and drifting away from him. That's worse that what he's done to me. It is. It would have hurt me more.


I don't know what to do with that realization though. Do I tell him, and then leave him alone and 180? Or do I just do it...? I've apologized over and over, but I've never realized, let alone admitted, that I mistreated him worse, when it comes to our infidelity.
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-22-2016, 01:28 AM
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Best of Luck Rude! I'll be rooting for you!
Since you seem to empathize with your H, I have no doubt that you will choose what is best for you as far as if you choose to detach. Again, good luck and God Bless!
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-22-2016, 06:05 AM
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Hasn't he already moved out and moved on? Your options are limited.
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-24-2016, 01:31 AM Thread Starter
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Yeah, he moved out, and I think now that he has moved on. He struggled with it forva long time though, there have been lots of talks about him coming home.....

But, i talked to him yesterday, and told him everything I've realized, and we talked for a long time.... and I heard something in his voice.... I think he did sound like I wanted him to sound with me... as much as I'd prefer I never had to see the woman he left for, it might work out, and I feel glad he's happy....

Also, hearing him talk about his life now, and is finally having a civilized conversation about our marriage made me see....

It's very sad, and it still makes me sad, but we probably shouldn't be together. It's very confusing, to love someone so much and have to accept that they don't actually make you happy, and not only that, but that you don't make them happy.

He's not a thinker. He's smart, very smart. But he's just not a thinker. I think he likes that she doesn't talk much. That was never going to happen with me. And it drove me crazy, that while he'll talk your ear off sometimes, it's never about anything serious.

Life's funny. But, I apologized, and I feel better. I'm probably still on the roller coaster, but I feel WAY more stable than I have since all of this started, and if I am still on it, this is at least a nice break.

Side note- from what I've read here,
spouses being moved out and moved on doesn't always mean the end, but I do feel now that this is probably it for us. It would be nice if he'd actually end up with someone other than the OW, but, he says he's happy now, so I'll try not to wish too hard.
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