What are her problems with the marriage? She has been threatening divorce for a while... What are the issues?
Why didn't you listen and value the relationship then?
Why do you all of a sudden want a relationship with her now, when you obviously didn't then?
I don't get why people think a wedding ring is the same as putting on a pair of handcuffs between the two of you and throwing away the key.
You earn a marriage. Every day.
So the issues come down to the fact that I spent more time on the computer than with her and sometimes with the kids as well. The last several vacations, for example, well, it was just her and the kids. I feel so bad about it in retrospect and I guess it came down to me growing to become too selfish over the more than two decades that we've been together. Don't get me wrong, if she ever had any sort of serious problem, I was always there for her. It was just the day to day - not enough love and caring. And, this has been going on for a long time... She's threatened divorce before and I guess I sort of ignored the signs.
I think I was suffering from a sort of mild depression, as well, combined with a computer addiction (MMOs, shows/serials watched by myself, etc...). Too much of a geek and a loner to be a good husband and father. Now, I regret it all.
As to why do I want a relationship with her now, well the inevitable threat of immediate divorce hit me like a piano falling on my head. It made me re-evaluate my life, my treatment of her, and how much time I was spending with the kids. I came to the realization that I love her more than life itself and of course I love my kids as well and that whatever was required of me to be what she wanted me to be will be worth the effort.
Unfortunately, as is often the case, this realization came too late in the game. So, the separation which is happening shortly, is inevitable. I have agreed to give her slightly more custody of the kids during the separation, but on the other hand we have both agreed that we will be able to visit the kids whenever we like (when it's not our turn) at the other person's place. So, this seems to be a fairly open separation with regard to visitation privileges. It also gives more opportunity to continue the re-connection process.
I also told her that if she ever feels lonely (when the kids are with me) and needs someone to talk to, I can just swing by and be there for her. I am making myself very available and realize that this could be a mistake (i.e., not being hard to get), but I am still (re)acting somewhat emotionally and feeling guilty at this point. At least I am conscious of the fact and realize that I am willing going against "textbook" advice.
I want to show her that I am willing to change and be the person she wants me to be. I just hope that she gives me the time necessary to show her this and falls back in love with me, before being convinced (in part by toxic divorced friends) that she should proceed with a divorce. We have no fixed deadline for this and are kind of playing it by ear. I believe that time will work in my favor, as long as I can be a good husband and father and really make my positive changes as such permanent.