Almost divorced, but reconciliation on the cards - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

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post #16 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-27-2016, 10:44 PM
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Re: Almost divorced, but reconciliation on the cards

I beg to differ with all the so called experts here ......... Man up !!! You have CHILDREN involved here ......... Put your kids first , the advice of these other nitwits is self serving and ill advised .......... Your kids sanity and self worth are more important than how you feel about this , at this juncture . Get the required counseling and whatever it takes to keep this family unit intact , you and your wife owe this to your children .........

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post #17 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-28-2016, 08:46 AM
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Re: Almost divorced, but reconciliation on the cards

Seems like there's 3 schools of thought on this thread.

1- Divorce her then start dating again. To me that's totally pointless. If you're considering reconciliation then why divorce? As if there's a better chance of things working out if you legally wipe the slate clean and start over? Makes no sense.

2- Dump her because she jumped right into bed with another guy as soon as you split. If it was me, I'd do that and not look back. I'd never stay with a woman I could not trust who has inflicted that level of betrayal upon me.

3- Do everything you can to save the marriage- If you're looking at a hard life due to a big financial hit from divorce and lost access to your kids and all of that then it might be worth trying to make a save but you gotta lay down the law or she'll be right back at it again with another guy before you know it. No matter how bad it might be if you stay with her it might be better than living on a relatives couch or a small apartment, seeing your kids every other weekend and having no money to spend on them or yourself.

None of your options are great. No matter what you do it's going to hurt, big time. But serious damage has been done here, you can't expect to walk away unscathed but of course you already know that. Choose your punishment. It's going to be painful no matter what you do.
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post #18 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-28-2016, 09:11 AM
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Re: Almost divorced, but reconciliation on the cards

In all likelihood, your W was busy lowering her panties and mixing DNA with "the bloke" long before you had the first damned clue about it.

You are foremostly her Plan B, even despite the fact that she's warming back up to you during the December phase of your D.

Make no mistake about it: You were her Plan B then ~ you are her Plan B now, until such time that she can find herself another hard male appendage to play with!

Proceed with the D, for both your sake and the kids! Get custody of them and look out for them! As far as your deceptive, skanky W is concerned, let her go! She ain't worth it! BTW, did you ever get yourself checked out by a doctor for the presence of STD's?

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post #19 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-28-2016, 09:56 AM
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Re: Almost divorced, but reconciliation on the cards

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mclane View Post
Seems like there's 3 schools of thought on this thread.

1- Divorce her then start dating again. To me that's totally pointless. If you're considering reconciliation then why divorce? As if there's a better chance of things working out if you legally wipe the slate clean and start over? Makes no sense
Divorce is symbolically huge. It means "the previous relationship is dead, we can start at square one from a safe legal standpoint."


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2- Dump her because she jumped right into bed with another guy as soon as you split. If it was me, I'd do that and not look back. I'd never stay with a woman I could not trust who has inflicted that level of betrayal upon me.
Same, and I suspect the OM may have been part of the demise of the marriage to begin with. At least I'd be asking myself that question.

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3- Do everything you can to save the marriage- If you're looking at a hard life due to a big financial hit from divorce and lost access to your kids and all of that then it might be worth trying to make a save but you gotta lay down the law or she'll be right back at it again with another guy before you know it. No matter how bad it might be if you stay with her it might be better than living on a relatives couch or a small apartment, seeing your kids every other weekend and having no money to spend on them or yourself.
You can always make more money, and you can almost always get half custody and spend a hell of a lot of time with your kids. Especially if you do it amicably rather than trying to R and it going even more badly.


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None of your options are great. No matter what you do it's going to hurt, big time. But serious damage has been done here, you can't expect to walk away unscathed but of course you already know that. Choose your punishment. It's going to be painful no matter what you do.
I'd just add one thing, and that I think the one pain greater than divorce or her having OM so soon would be a false reconciliation.

Because I think that's what he's heading for.
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post #20 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-28-2016, 12:01 PM
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Re: Almost divorced, but reconciliation on the cards

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You can always make more money, and you can almost always get half custody and spend a hell of a lot of time with your kids. Especially if you do it amicably rather than trying to R and it going even more badly.
Despite the gradual changes in divorce legislation, many if not most states still award primary custody to the mother and the father is given occasional visitation. He becomes a secondary parent and is barely present in the lives of his children, even if he utilizes all available funds and legal strategies to prevent this from happening.
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post #21 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-28-2016, 03:21 PM
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Re: Almost divorced, but reconciliation on the cards

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Originally Posted by happy as a clam View Post
Make no mistake. She was seeing the other bloke long before you separated or got the ILYBINILWY" speech.

So...did she cheat? YES. Are you Plan B because Plan A (the other guy) didn't work out? YES. Can you live with sloppy leftovers? Most men couldn't.

Have some self respect. Divorce this woman. Then start over at your own peril (she'll likely do it again) and try dating her. If it doesn't work out, you're free to move on.
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Bless you. You have nailed this one right on the head.

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post #22 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-28-2016, 03:23 PM
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Re: Almost divorced, but reconciliation on the cards

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I beg to differ with all the so called experts here ......... Man up !!! You have CHILDREN involved here ......... Put your kids first , the advice of these other nitwits is self serving and ill advised .......... Your kids sanity and self worth are more important than how you feel about this , at this juncture . Get the required counseling and whatever it takes to keep this family unit intact , you and your wife owe this to your children .........
Just what nitwits are you referring?

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post #23 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-28-2016, 03:36 PM
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Re: Almost divorced, but reconciliation on the cards

Really Honda750. So, he should lock his man hood up and come crawling back. What a great example that would be for the kids. They have been apart for over a year. She did not leave the affair partner, AP left her.

I would not get back with her or talk. You are plan B,C,D ect. During the time that the OM had left her she has been looking. She just can't find anyone else, so she is coming back to you.

She see's your not dating as a sign you are still devoted to her not that you have morals. Finish the divorce first then decide what you want to do.
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post #24 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-29-2016, 04:06 PM
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Re: Almost divorced, but reconciliation on the cards

Andy don't do it. I have been following your threads all along and basically I advised you in your post last year when you discovered her infidelity (if you remember the beer bottles, and then while paying Amazon for her on her computer, the message from him and her reply that popped up).

She lied about it and deceived you. She hooked up with him on New Year's Eve while you were at home with the kids - bad enough.

Then you had barely left the home (because she insisted and you were thinking of her and the kids when you left) and she had him in your bed in your home - the height of disrespect.

And now you are considering going back to her ?!?!? You are not her first priority. She wants back with you because she is comfortable with you - not because she is in love or wants you for any other reason.

You have already seen that you can be without her and can co-parent well enough. So don't go back to the misery. Let the divorce happen and as others are saying, let her compete with some of the other hot women (waiting to date you) before she earns her right for another chance. That and a ton of truth, remorse and repair work that she needs to do (although I don't think she is anywhere near up to the task ahead).

Tread very carefully here as you have come a long way since then.

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post #25 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-29-2016, 04:33 PM
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Re: Almost divorced, but reconciliation on the cards

Your cheating wifes thoughts...

"Affair sex is the best but who will take care of me and help me with the kids? The Andy man can, the Andy man can cause he mixes with my cheating and makes the world taste goood!"

Yep she was cheating with this guy, found reasons to blame you out of guilt, and replaced you like a cold hearted b..b..ahhh, person.

Now she thinks you are so weak that she can make you come with one finger.

She probably realized that the world is full of men who will bang her, but not many that want to take her on as a wife.

She can put up with you till the kids are grown (maybe step out for some exciting sex once in a while), and see if the grass is any greener then or along the way.

Just put it all behing you and take her back, yeah that's a good idea...because she really loves and respects you...not.
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post #26 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-29-2016, 04:45 PM
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Re: Almost divorced, but reconciliation on the cards

For goshsakes, get the divorce. She already tried out some strange for a significant period of time and does not care for you as you would expect a wife would.

The reasons for the divorce are as valid as when the papers were files.

Be smart, hire a lawyer. Protect your parental rights and minimize your spousal support issues.

Seriously, you are at the advantage for finding better than her.

There is better out there. Do not settle for being Plan B.
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post #27 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-29-2016, 05:12 PM
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Re: Almost divorced, but reconciliation on the cards

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Originally Posted by happy as a clam View Post
Make no mistake. She was seeing the other bloke long before you separated or got the ILYBINILWY" speech.



So...did she cheat? YES. Are you Plan B because Plan A (the other guy) didn't work out? YES. Can you live with sloppy leftovers? Most men couldn't.



Have some self respect. Divorce this woman. Then start over at your own peril (she'll likely do it again) and try dating her. If it doesn't work out, you're free to move on.

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If he was to even consider R he'd need to poly her about when the affair started. I mean it WAS an affair, but nailing down the exact specifics is super important

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post #28 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-29-2016, 05:18 PM
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Re: Almost divorced, but reconciliation on the cards

She wants to take it slow is code for rugsweeping. It sounds mature but it's manipulative at its core.

She dosnt want to deal with your pain, inevitable new insecurities and all the consequences of her affair.

She wants you to close the gap, chase her, heal on your own (she dosnt want to deal with it everyday, she wants you to do it alone), and let her keep the power in the relationship, without going through the painful remorse for what she has done.

She will agree she dosn't want to return to status quo, she wants you to work for her and make it better.

She is a very entitled person.

False reconciliation is a soul sucking hellish limbo no person can endure and heal in.
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Last edited by Decorum; 04-29-2016 at 05:24 PM.
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post #29 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-29-2016, 05:55 PM
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Re: Almost divorced, but reconciliation on the cards

Plan B to the rescue!!!!! Get the divorce. You can always date her later.
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post #30 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-29-2016, 05:59 PM
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Re: Almost divorced, but reconciliation on the cards

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Originally Posted by Honda750 View Post
I beg to differ with all the so called experts here ......... Man up !!! You have CHILDREN involved here ......... Put your kids first , the advice of these other nitwits is self serving and ill advised .......... Your kids sanity and self worth are more important than how you feel about this , at this juncture . Get the required counseling and whatever it takes to keep this family unit intact , you and your wife owe this to your children .........
Save the marriage at any cost??? Be a plan B doormat?

Man up and make your life what you want it to be. Getting played now will be detrimental to you long term.
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