Almost divorced, but reconciliation on the cards
Ok, so 15 months ago my wife and I separated, due to a mixture of things essentially, arguments about money (or lack of), being mum and dad and not husband and wife, not having time or money for us to go out as a couple, etc…
We separated just after New year 2015, 6 weeks later, she was seeing someone else, and lied about it to me, as at that time I was seeking a reconciliation. I was devastated, and we agreed to divorce, although I left it up to her to file against me. Anyway, the divorce process has been going along, amicably, as we have 3 young kids, so we’ve kept it civil and friendly. We’ve had the final court letter to say she can now apply for the Decree Absolute, which she hasn’t yet done.
Last week, I received a message from her saying that she thinks she’s made a mistake, and that we should talk about slowly reconnecting, and that she still loves me. The bloke she was seeing is no longer in the picture, after he realised that he didn’t want to be a step dad to my kids (luckily he realised this before he was introduced to them).
During this 15 month separation, I’ve abstained from dating and meeting new people, not out of hope of reconciliation, but out of respect for myself, my marriage vows, and the fact that I swore to myself that while I was still married, I wouldn’t until the divorce was final.
Now that she has realised, or thinks she has realised, that the marriage may be worth fighting for, I’m not sure if I can forgive or forget the fact that she’s been with other people during our separation.
We’ve agreed to talk about things, and to take things slowly, I’m not going to move back in, I’m not going to declare my undying love straight away, it’s going to take a lot of hard work and honesty from both of us, and even then, it’s not a promise to rekindle our marriage, it’s just an option to try and see if doing so is the right thing to do. We won’t tell the kids, we’ll just go on dates and see where we go.
I suppose what I’m asking, if I’m actually asking anything at all, is should I just agree that this is a new start, and to put the fling she had with someone else behind us?
I expect we’ll be better off going to marriage counselling to get to the bottom of all this, and feelings, etc…
Things will have to change anyway, as going back to how it was isn’t an option. I suppose this is a chance to make a fresh start, with (hopefully) less money worries now that we’re financially completely separated (with the exception of the marital home which I still retain a share in, although don’t contribute to the mortgage currently whilst paying child maintenance.
Does anyone have any success stories of reconnecting after such a long separation, and almost divorce?