Well I am posting here because this group definitely seems more positive, and I am in desperate need of positivity and advice
So I have only posted a few times but in short: I am 28 and my husband is 37 yrs old, we have been married for 1.5 yrs, separated for 7 weeks. Overall I feel it is safe to say that we are separated because of relatively small things that snow balled. There was no infidelity or big lies that brought us to this point.
I am the one that initiated the separation because we were ripping into each other again. It was always my intention to use this time to work on things, and had suggested time apart before. He on the other hand, says he wants a divorce because his heart is just not into it anymore and that he did not feel loved. We have learned that we have different love languages. So while I was thinking WTH, I take care of you daily-do everything for you-of course I love you because I am not as verbal or touchy feely as he is then he has convinced himself that I do not love him. But just a few weeks prior, we had talked and committed to IC and MC. His attitude just changed. Yet his other actions do not suggest that (wanting to continue paying my part of the bills, offering to do other things as well) nor has he filled papers. A divorce would be relatively easy for us, did not share much asset/debt, and there is only a 60 day waiting period. If that is truly what he wanted we would be almost done by now and money is not an issue.
This is what is so confusing. Reading this blog and other resources suggest that when people really are done...they try to get it over ASAP. He has not, so for weeks now I have held on to hope that we could work things out. Read the Save My Marriage newsletters, Magic of Making Up, and been to IC. Only spoke to him on needs to basis to give him time alone. And when we did talk the past few times via text it was relatively nice...wishing well etc. Family that spoke to him over this period have also gotten the impression that he wants to work on things but is just confused and listening to his friends' negativity.
Well this weekend I gave in to temptation and checked the cell phone bill. I found out he has been communicating with this girl multiple times (2+ hr long) at inappropriate times (early AM, which I know this could mean nothing or could mean every thing). Did a little FB raid and found out that this chick friended him in August. Possibly explaining his attitude change. I asked him about it and he said the usual, but it was really out of his character. With this new info. I just do not know if I can trust him any more. There was already a bit of a problem with him constantly putting his friends/family in our business. To top it off turns out he has been having "I am Free and Single" parties with his friends this whole time...of course posting everything to FB.
So I really just do not know. Part of me says to hell with it. But then there is the part of me that truly believes in the sanctity of marriage and can not resolve myself to divorce without doing all I can to try to save it first. I absolutely still love my husband and I do still believe he loves me (as he has said this to my family). This is all breaking my heart and I am lost to what I should or should not do. IC has helped some, but really the issues are really how we relate to each other, so there is only so much that can be done without his participation.
So I guess my question to yall who have reconciled is what were some of your experiences? How long were you separated? Is sitting tight and letting him make the next move, whichever move that might be, the answer? Some positive feedback would definitely be appreciated, Thanks!