I've posted a couple of times on this forum to ask for advice and it has been helpful in gaining some perspective.
To cut a long story short, my wife asked me for a divorce in the autumn of 2014, sent the papers in march 2015, moved our separate ways at the end of the summer of 2015 and went through a no contact period for a while in the new year.
We had a compassionate divorce and it was completed with a minimum of fuss and disturbance. I even helped her find a new apartment and did some refurbishment. For a time, life continued as usual except with no sex and living in separate abodes.
Our problems can be summarised as her not respecting me and me not appreciating what she does for me (The Flag Page with Laugh Your Way) and this disconnect has poisoned our relationship for the last ten years at least.
After the period of no contact, we reached out tentatively to each other and began to have respectful interaction again. Not long ago, there was a situation arising from her inability to respect me which upset me. She did eventually admit to being at fault and we made peace again.
Now to the current situation. Recently, we have been seeing a lot of each other and we have enjoyed our time together. No mention of reconciliation, but it felt like the good old times, albeit more respectful and careful.
1) She helped me put up the trampoline and spent a weekend afternoon with me.
2) She invited herself and her parents to dinner at my place for a national holiday. Brought the food and cleaned up afterwards.
3) We had lunch at her apartment on a weekday. No nooner, but pleasant conversation.
4) We watched a movie together with the kids and snuggled on the couch, having had dinner before. She even cleaned the kitchen afterwards.
5) She invited me for dinner when I dropped off the kids. She had bought food that she knows I like, but she doesn't particularly care for it.
6) She tells me she is looking forward to seeing me.
7) We have been doing much the same things at the weekend, independently of each other. It is very weird!
I don't know what to think.
A couple of red flags.
1) She received a text while we were having dinner, looked at it and shielded it quite quickly. I don't have any claim on her seeing as we are divorced and have been for half a year, but it was an odd gesture.
2) We still have communication problems. We talked about me getting clothes for our daughter which I am quite certain I agreed to do, only to find that she had done this weekend. This is the kind of thing that went on a LOT in our marriage and it bugs the hell out of me. She tells me she did it because she did not know if I had committed to it. I think she could have easily rung me to find out.
3) She still makes decisions on things that directly affect me without thinking to consult me. For example, telling my son he can play computer when he gets to my place, resulting in a big fight with my son when I tell him he has to do his homework first before he can play. Easily avoided by telling my son that he should consult me when he gets to my house. In fact, there is a lot of these types of things and often relating to TV and PC use. I am more strict and she is not.
4)
So the questions to the forum are:
What do you think is going on? What would you do?
Do I want a reconciliation?
Yes, I think I do. I miss her and I have been thinking about her a lot. I love her. We would have to seriously work on the dynamics of our relationship as they were clearly not healthy.
Are we ready for a reconciliation?
I really don't know. She seems to be doing well. She told me that we are bound together forever as co-owners of this family, although there will be new partners joining us at some point. I think I have not processed all the grief and am trying to become a better person as a result of all of this, but haven't made much headway!
Sorry about the long post, it has been bubbling up and I don't really know what to do or how I feel or even how I should feel!
To cut a long story short, my wife asked me for a divorce in the autumn of 2014, sent the papers in march 2015, moved our separate ways at the end of the summer of 2015 and went through a no contact period for a while in the new year.
We had a compassionate divorce and it was completed with a minimum of fuss and disturbance. I even helped her find a new apartment and did some refurbishment. For a time, life continued as usual except with no sex and living in separate abodes.
Our problems can be summarised as her not respecting me and me not appreciating what she does for me (The Flag Page with Laugh Your Way) and this disconnect has poisoned our relationship for the last ten years at least.
After the period of no contact, we reached out tentatively to each other and began to have respectful interaction again. Not long ago, there was a situation arising from her inability to respect me which upset me. She did eventually admit to being at fault and we made peace again.
Now to the current situation. Recently, we have been seeing a lot of each other and we have enjoyed our time together. No mention of reconciliation, but it felt like the good old times, albeit more respectful and careful.
1) She helped me put up the trampoline and spent a weekend afternoon with me.
2) She invited herself and her parents to dinner at my place for a national holiday. Brought the food and cleaned up afterwards.
3) We had lunch at her apartment on a weekday. No nooner, but pleasant conversation.
4) We watched a movie together with the kids and snuggled on the couch, having had dinner before. She even cleaned the kitchen afterwards.
5) She invited me for dinner when I dropped off the kids. She had bought food that she knows I like, but she doesn't particularly care for it.
6) She tells me she is looking forward to seeing me.
7) We have been doing much the same things at the weekend, independently of each other. It is very weird!
I don't know what to think.
A couple of red flags.
1) She received a text while we were having dinner, looked at it and shielded it quite quickly. I don't have any claim on her seeing as we are divorced and have been for half a year, but it was an odd gesture.
2) We still have communication problems. We talked about me getting clothes for our daughter which I am quite certain I agreed to do, only to find that she had done this weekend. This is the kind of thing that went on a LOT in our marriage and it bugs the hell out of me. She tells me she did it because she did not know if I had committed to it. I think she could have easily rung me to find out.
3) She still makes decisions on things that directly affect me without thinking to consult me. For example, telling my son he can play computer when he gets to my place, resulting in a big fight with my son when I tell him he has to do his homework first before he can play. Easily avoided by telling my son that he should consult me when he gets to my house. In fact, there is a lot of these types of things and often relating to TV and PC use. I am more strict and she is not.
4)
So the questions to the forum are:
What do you think is going on? What would you do?
Do I want a reconciliation?
Yes, I think I do. I miss her and I have been thinking about her a lot. I love her. We would have to seriously work on the dynamics of our relationship as they were clearly not healthy.
Are we ready for a reconciliation?
I really don't know. She seems to be doing well. She told me that we are bound together forever as co-owners of this family, although there will be new partners joining us at some point. I think I have not processed all the grief and am trying to become a better person as a result of all of this, but haven't made much headway!
Sorry about the long post, it has been bubbling up and I don't really know what to do or how I feel or even how I should feel!