I want reconcilliation, H does not. Advice? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-18-2016, 12:41 PM
Hope1964's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Alberta
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Re: I want reconcilliation, H does not. Advice?

I think he's cheating. Either that or you are such a total b1tch that he's afraid of telling you anything.

Just cuz he says there's no one else doesn't make it true, you know. How many cheaters do you actually think just say "Yes, I am cheating on you" the first time their spouse asks them about it?? The answer would be - NONE.

So, assuming you aren't a total b1tch, start snooping.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #17 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-18-2016, 12:56 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Southeast
Posts: 4,371
Re: I want reconcilliation, H does not. Advice?

My thought wasn't cheating - it was the point he thought her communication style was abusive and demeaning.

I kept telling my ex the same thing. Before I understood the "love bucket" concept, I had read that it takes 10 positive statements to negate (just negate) one negative one. Therefore it is safe to assume it takes MORE than 10:1 to elicit a positive feeling in the other person.

By being "snarky" (a nice way to say downright insensitive or mean), you have left him with nothing but negative feelings about you and your relationship. I don't know that you can fill that bucket. You have to learn an entirely new style of communication. While YOUR skin might be very thick and those comments might not have hurt YOUR feelings, they obviously hurt his. He was trying to shrug it off an "man up" but was still left feeling dejected after these encounters with you. And while there may have been more positive than negative, the negativity was a constant drain on the relationship.

Unless you acknowledge that, empathize with that, feel his hurt and vow to treat him with kind words only, I don't think there's a lot of hope here. Will you feel like your personality will be too different? Do you think you will have "lost" yourself if you censor your communication style that much? Really contemplate that. Words can hurt. And they can't be taken back.


“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer." - Albert Camus
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post #18 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-22-2016, 07:07 PM
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Location: England
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Re: I want reconcilliation, H does not. Advice?

Zerita, what have you given him that might be worth reconciling for?

http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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