Divorced for 6 weeks Ex Wife initiating contact although she has a new boyfriend - Talk About Marriage
Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

User Tag List

 60Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 48 (permalink) Old 06-09-2016, 02:15 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 79
Divorced for 6 weeks Ex Wife initiating contact although she has a new boyfriend

Hi all TAM Guys and Girls
Need a bit of advice , my divorce was finalised about 6 weeks ago , although since the ink has dried on my decree absolute , my wife has been getting in contact with me...
The day before i got the papers in the mail , she text me after saying that it was finalised ...I texted her back saying "ok" , she then replied ..."what just ok?"
Since then she has contacted me asking for help with her work assignments , and a couple of weeks ago text me out of the blue saying "haven't heard from you in a while , are you ok , are you Happy?" i replied "Yes I'm good thanks" I then proceeded to ask her out for a meal as it was her birthday coming up.
anyway , we had a nice meal and she said that she misses our marriage , but because of her trust issues with me , she couldn't agree with us getting back together ...plus she has a boyfriend , she has been seeing for about 3 months..
We have arranged to meet next week for an evening dog walk and coffee..but she is confusing me.
Bit of background for you , have been with her for 5 years married for 3.5 years , her trust issue was around me drinking (not excessively) , but to her it was ...plus when she filed for divorce around Sept 2015 , she was entering her menopause...
Now I love my Ex Wife to bits and never wanted to divorce ...however I want her back but she has this new guy ....I asked her if there was a chance as i have changed but she just wants to be friends at the moment and take it slowly and see where it leads us...any advice greatly appreciated, thanks


Last edited by Dusty72; 06-09-2016 at 02:25 PM.
Dusty72 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 48 (permalink) Old 06-09-2016, 02:39 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,025
Re: Divorced for 6 weeks Ex Wife initiating contact although she has a new boyfriend

Wait wait wait......please do not beg, woman hate men who beg, look if you want her back in your life, than have her pursue you, being dropping the boyfriend....please don't act like a doormat. And continue to work on yourself.
Lostinthought61 is offline  
post #3 of 48 (permalink) Old 06-09-2016, 02:39 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 1,086
Re: Divorced for 6 weeks Ex Wife initiating contact although she has a new boyfriend

Why don't you start dating? Confidence issues?

You seem like a doormat and a guy with no confidence. Work out, eat and drink healthy. Get some new clothes. Go explore some new pu$$y and have fun. She divorced you because she found someone new and exciting. Don't take her back.
GuyInColorado is online now  
 
post #4 of 48 (permalink) Old 06-09-2016, 03:14 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 79
Re: Divorced for 6 weeks Ex Wife initiating contact although she has a new boyfriend

i have been dating ....and I am seeing someone albeit for a month , but my ex was really beautiful , yes I am seeing nice girls but and was ready to move on ....just wondering what my exes motive is and why she is trying to initiate contact again???
Dusty72 is offline  
post #5 of 48 (permalink) Old 06-09-2016, 03:16 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 79
Re: Divorced for 6 weeks Ex Wife initiating contact although she has a new boyfriend

I have been dating , i am seeing someone else now for about a month , but my ex wife is beautiful...i suppose i just want to know what her motives are for getting back in touch with me , even though she has a new guy now ?????
Dusty72 is offline  
post #6 of 48 (permalink) Old 06-09-2016, 03:54 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,336
Re: Divorced for 6 weeks Ex Wife initiating contact although she has a new boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dusty72 View Post
I have been dating , i am seeing someone else now for about a month , but my ex wife is beautiful...i suppose i just want to know what her motives are for getting back in touch with me , even though she has a new guy now ?????

She wants to keep you on the hook as an option. The less available you are to her the more attractive you will be. If you don't believe me try it. Cut contact with her, don't reply to texts (unless it is an actual emergency) don't call her and stop being her "friend", start working on yourself.
kristin2349 is offline  
post #7 of 48 (permalink) Old 06-09-2016, 03:59 PM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 24
Re: Divorced for 6 weeks Ex Wife initiating contact although she has a new boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dusty72 View Post
Hi all TAM Guys and Girls
Need a bit of advice , my divorce was finalised about 6 weeks ago , although since the ink has dried on my decree absolute , my wife has been getting in contact with me...
The day before i got the papers in the mail , she text me after saying that it was finalised ...I texted her back saying "ok" , she then replied ..."what just ok?"
Since then she has contacted me asking for help with her work assignments , and a couple of weeks ago text me out of the blue saying "haven't heard from you in a while , are you ok , are you Happy?" i replied "Yes I'm good thanks" I then proceeded to ask her out for a meal as it was her birthday coming up.
anyway , we had a nice meal and she said that she misses our marriage , but because of her trust issues with me , she couldn't agree with us getting back together ...plus she has a boyfriend , she has been seeing for about 3 months..
We have arranged to meet next week for an evening dog walk and coffee..but she is confusing me.
Bit of background for you , have been with her for 5 years married for 3.5 years , her trust issue was around me drinking (not excessively) , but to her it was ...plus when she filed for divorce around Sept 2015 , she was entering her menopause...
Now I love my Ex Wife to bits and never wanted to divorce ...however I want her back but she has this new guy ....I asked her if there was a chance as i have changed but she just wants to be friends at the moment and take it slowly and see where it leads us...any advice greatly appreciated, thanks
I think you need a reality check.

Your ex-wife sounds like someone that (A) makes decisions out of emotions and possible (B) someone that has no control over their emotions. I'm sure she is beautiful, but these are not good attributes in a partner. Unless she can demonstrate otherwise over time, I would stay away and move on with your life. That will be even more attractive to her.

Sounds like she is also testing to see if you "volunteer" to be Plan B material. If and when you speak with her, do not tolerate any discussion of her current boyfriend. She will lose respect for you and you will get stuck in the friend zone.
yellerstang03 is offline  
post #8 of 48 (permalink) Old 06-09-2016, 04:07 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 79
Re: Divorced for 6 weeks Ex Wife initiating contact although she has a new boyfriend

Thanks Kristin and Yellerstang , I pretty much thought she was keeping me as a plan B and you are both right , i will not contact her , how about this for a text to her:

"Hi babe ,you know how i feel about you , but i can't be doing this false friendship BS , If you want to get things back on in a romantic level , then it will be lovely to hear from you , you have my number , call me ....if not please do not contact me ever again as i need to move on in my life"

something like that , what do you think , good idea?
Dusty72 is offline  
post #9 of 48 (permalink) Old 06-09-2016, 04:31 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,336
Re: Divorced for 6 weeks Ex Wife initiating contact although she has a new boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dusty72 View Post
Thanks Kristin and Yellerstang , I pretty much thought she was keeping me as a plan B and you are both right , i will not contact her , how about this for a text to her:

"Hi babe ,you know how i feel about you , but i can't be doing this false friendship BS , If you want to get things back on in a romantic level , then it will be lovely to hear from you , you have my number , call me ....if not please do not contact me ever again as i need to move on in my life"

something like that , what do you think , good idea?
I wouldn't even do that. I know it might sound immature to you but if you want her back don't text her the message above. Just drop off with contact and stop the light "dating". Don't tell her you need to move on with your life, just do it.
kristin2349 is offline  
post #10 of 48 (permalink) Old 06-09-2016, 04:44 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 79
Re: Divorced for 6 weeks Ex Wife initiating contact although she has a new boyfriend

Thanks Kristin,

Actually , that makes sense , it is totally drastic and could backfire , i will take your advice and drop the contact ....I am going away this weekend and texted her earlier today to call me on sunday evening when i get back if she wanted to meet up next week (she did want to initially meet up , but she couldn't as she just realized that she was going to a concert on the day we arranged)....
Will she call , i'm not sure , but i will not call her ....
Thanks sound Advice

Dusty72 is offline  
post #11 of 48 (permalink) Old 06-09-2016, 04:53 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,336
Re: Divorced for 6 weeks Ex Wife initiating contact although she has a new boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dusty72 View Post
Thanks Kristin,

Actually , that makes sense , it is totally drastic and could backfire , i will take your advice and drop the contact ....I am going away this weekend and texted her earlier today to call me on sunday evening when i get back if she wanted to meet up next week (she did want to initially meet up , but she couldn't as she just realized that she was going to a concert on the day we arranged)....
Will she call , i'm not sure , but i will not call her ....
Thanks sound Advice

It doesn't need to be stone cold, but you need to stop dangling from her hook. She knows you want her back, she has a BF...She is totally cake eating.

Go away this weekend and don't text her at all. When she calls you don't have to answer, but if you do keep it brief and vague. You had a good time over the weekend, don't elaborate. Don't ask her to hang out and if she asks you to, you are busy. Again do not elaborate on why you are busy...
kristin2349 is offline  
post #12 of 48 (permalink) Old 06-09-2016, 05:08 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 79
Re: Divorced for 6 weeks Ex Wife initiating contact although she has a new boyfriend

Yes she is cake eating .....I'm actually going away with my new girlfriend, so she might be jealous .....thing is i do want to hang out with her at some point , I just don't want to come across as needy...
If she sets a date ...of course i will want to go ....do you think I should play it cool...im so worried she will start to get more involved with her new boyfriend..i want to be in the picture at least...but not act as if i Need her
Dusty72 is offline  
post #13 of 48 (permalink) Old 06-09-2016, 05:15 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,336
Re: Divorced for 6 weeks Ex Wife initiating contact although she has a new boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dusty72 View Post
Yes she is cake eating .....I'm actually going away with my new girlfriend, so she might be jealous .....thing is i do want to hang out with her at some point , I just don't want to come across as needy...
If she sets a date ...of course i will want to go ....do you think I should play it cool...im so worried she will start to get more involved with her new boyfriend..i want to be in the picture at least...but not act as if i Need her

Your ultimate goal is to get your Ex back correct?

If the answer is yes, you need to stop being seen as an "option". Just the fact that you are tripping over yourself to stay in contact and hang out with her, she is satisfied that you are still safely hung up on her and she will let you sit there in her trophy chest.

You need to stop being her "friend"! She will keep you on the back burner indefinitely if you allow her to, do you get that?

I know you want to spend time with her, I know you are afraid to cut contact. If your goal is to get her back you need to let her figure out that she wants that, she won't do that unless she feels you are going to move on if she doesn't. I know it is scary but playing this "game" is the best way out of this limbo.
kristin2349 is offline  
post #14 of 48 (permalink) Old 06-09-2016, 05:28 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 79
Re: Divorced for 6 weeks Ex Wife initiating contact although she has a new boyfriend

So Kristin , thanks for everything you have said ...but what do i do then , do i tell her i dont want to be her friend ???
Yes I want my Ex wife back ...so much , i do get that but im not sure , i thought if i can be firends then its a foot in the door as opposed to go No contact !!
Im so confused !!
Dusty72 is offline  
post #15 of 48 (permalink) Old 06-09-2016, 05:34 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 79
Re: Divorced for 6 weeks Ex Wife initiating contact although she has a new boyfriend

So I dont contact her , my ex wife is stubborn though , she will think that because we have started to become friends , me pi$$ing her off , she will just think i'm annoyed and arsey ...if you get my drift?
Dusty72 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
How should I handle this situation regarding my wife and her male friend, Do I have mississippisfinest82 General Relationship Discussion 138 06-06-2016 04:56 PM
Issues between my wife and my parents SDK8489 General Relationship Discussion 24 05-31-2016 12:49 AM
Just cannot seem to get along with my wife breathedeep General Relationship Discussion 144 12-18-2015 10:09 AM
Wife had an affair and does not know if she wants to stay married Frusterated84 Coping with Infidelity 138 12-14-2015 10:32 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome