It is not about changing my mind, if you knew the background I have been cheated on, he has been an emotionally abusive alcoholic, and I have put up with a lot of ****. He is now getting on the straight and narrow and thinks that all is fine now. My wounds are deep, i do not feel the emotional connection, I see our marriage very negatively ( i don't know if this is a phase), in short I don't know if I can get over the past.
I have been reading Harville Hendrick's stuff, to see if I am projecting my childhood stuff on my H but tbh, but he is the one who has shat on me for years and now I am thinking, maybe I am a fool for reconciling. People can turn over a new leaf, and he seems to be but I am very confused.
I see things a lot differently than a lot of the posters in this thread..
For you, it's been literally YEARS
of emotional abuse, cheating, lying, the dysfunction of having to live with alcoholism every single day, and YOU constantly having to lower the bar in order to somehow accept your lot in life.
I'll give you credit for staying because being very honest, I would have left his worthless ass YEARS ago and never even looked back.
So here it is, years
of abuse later, and now he wants to supposedly
turn over a new leaf and you're expected to be ecstatic and excited about it like everything is A-ok and the past is just magically erased? Seriously
And the truth of the matter is, even now
in supposedly 'better' times, you're STILL
trying to find ways to self soothe because you're still
getting nothing from this man. It's just a different kind of nothing.
I think my biggest question would be, why have you decided that your entire life has to be some kind of endurance test with this man? What's the payoff in that? There MUST be some kind of payoff or you wouldn't be doing it. I simply can't even think of one that would justify staying. Sorry.