I have threatened to leave after my second child moves to college. He says he wants to be a better man, but I hear lots of talk, little action.
So it looks like when I show any sign of exerting independence and a search for transparency and honesty I get this BS. I hate him right now. If a man genuinely loved his wife and gave a s*** about making things right then he would open up. That’s how I feel. I am beginning to think that my marriage is dead and unless I just accept everything and move on or out of the marriage nothing will change. My IC says communication has broken down completely and I guess that is the problem, he has never been good at being open. She has suggested some MCs but to be honest right now I think it will be a waste of time just going around in circles.
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This is from a former post or yours.
You said then that once the 2d child moves on to college, you will leave. This is what I would recommend.
I am going to But-tress this recommendation. It relates to the advice given HERE.
TAM is good and bad.
It lets you know that you are not alone in this world. Others have similar problems. This is good.
It also lets you know that others have taken certain paths to alleviate "their" pain and suffering. Many move on in their marriage. On to R or on to GTFO.
Too often, their words are needles. The needles push in one direction....out the door. Your mind becomes "retrained" and "refocused" toward divorce.
The advice given here is what? That since you are unhappy....happiness is to be found "elsewhere", not in your marriage.
This advice CAN BE "Enlightenment" a collective action, steering you to divorce.
TAMMER's are SALESPEOPLE, nothing more. They can only offer you advice, hopefully "wisdom".
The problem IMHO:
Once they tell you how horrible it is to be you, then they tell you dump the guy and start over [AND YOU BUY IT], this is where YOU should be.
You have been "reprogrammed". Yes, some of the decisions were internal [made by you] and needed validation. You NOW have these assets in your "check-out book".
Note: Knowledge is Power. No argument from me, on this. When you apply this to human's and marriages...watch out!
Your mind is made up. You need strength to pull the trigger. The mind rules the finger that will start the lead-butt[s] moving down the barrel, out of your life.
Having said all this. You need to separate. One year should suffice. Nothing else will work at this point.
Let HIM make whatever moves that need to be done to successfully R..... while being separated. Oh, he is satisfied with status quo....You? Not at all.
Do not date other men during this separation. If he dates, then Divorce.