My situation need advise - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 2 (permalink) Old 08-02-2016, 12:05 PM Thread Starter
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My situation need advise

I met my wife when I was 24 , she was 19. We dated for 8 years and got married two years ago. We have lived together for 3 years. Around the time we started living together my dad got lewy body dymentia, he lived for about 2 years and died a year ago. I got really depressed when he got sick and stayed that way for the duration of our marriage. She actually even left me before we got married and returned a week or so later saying that she decided she wanted to get married. I was a mess this whole time, depressed, angry, and lashed out a lot. I didnít realize the severity at the time. I would nitpick, was critical and very argumentative. I also picked up some bad behavior from my dad where I was very controlling. My dad dictated what he and my mom did 24/7 pretty much. So, my wife hung in there for two years, told me to get help at times and finally left. I came home to a note on the counter and her and her son were gone. He is 12 and Ive essentially raised him since he was 2, father is deadbeat, no where to be found, lives 3 hours away. She ran to dads house again with him and her stepmom. 4 days later I get an email saying she wants a divorce. A week after that had separation agreement signed, things moved super fast. I was devastated but went along with things all the while trying to get her to work it out, she was done and nothing would change her mind. Others in her own family even tried to talk to her about it and she wasnít having it. I know her dad and stepmom encouraged it based upon the way they talked to me when I went over and tried to talk to her, day after I got D email. Of course she told them everything I did, never anything she did, one sided story. She is a sweetheart, she just holds things in and explodes after a while. So my wife ended up having me pack her things and she got them eventually. I never saw her until recently and this has been two months now. The only time I saw her was to get her name off the house( I got to keep it) at a bank, she told me we could talk later but ended up just telling me she doesnít love me anymore and drove off. She got her name off of my house in order to buy her own which she has already done and moved in to, in less than 2 months time. She put a contract on it 16 days after she left. She says she didnít plan to leave until right before she left, she just knew she was unhappy. She says there is no other man and I believe her. I know this all looks daunting and grim and everyone here is gonna say she is done, never gonna work it out. Maybe so. However she literally has no social life and no friends, all our friends and couples she knew through me. She does have her son so she has some company, I was the one who lost my whole family in one day. I just think she had her parents support when she left and their encouragement but as time goes on she is going to get lonely and start to miss the friendship that we had and maybe rethink things. I love this woman with all my heart and would remarry her even, she means that much to me. I still have yet to see my stepson also, which is killing me, she says he isnít ready, whatever that means. I think she left on pure emotion, no thought was given to the future . She also only saw the bad when she left. Since she has left I started therapy and finally grieved my dads loss and dealt with my depression by getting on meds. I am so much better already, I used to not want to go anywhere or do anything much and now I feel free to do whatever I want with friends. Since she has left I have been spending more time with friends and she has not, she has been just with her parents and family as she only has a few gfís and most are married with kids and very very busy. I guess I saw all this to say I havenít lost hope completely yet. Many call me crazy but I am god fearing and am praying a lot about this situation. I know god cannot change her will but I really think she may in time realize we had something good and her son needs a dad. She tried to tell me he didnít , at 12, yea right. When I say we had something good I mean we were very compatible, love the same music, tv shows, are both similar with finances(never money troubles), similar backgrounds and make similar money. We had a great relationship while dating , things got bad when I got depressed and then worse after dad died. I didnít handle it well. We also sold one home and bought another right after we married. So its been rather hectic at times. Anyhow, does anyone think there is a chance she may come to her senses?

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post #2 of 2 (permalink) Old 08-03-2016, 10:53 PM
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Re: My situation need advise

I hate to tell you this Dawg but if I'm reading it right, it sounds like she burned a lot of bridges when she pulled up stakes. She sounds serious about wanting to get shed of you. For somebody that left on emotions and not thinking about her future, she seems to have her sh1t together buying a house two weeks after saying sayonara. No plan? Give me a break.
All you're going to be able to do is hold on to your hat and your azz. Your behavior lowered her interest in you over a period of time and she walked. My take is she may have someone else waiting in the wings. Bottom line is that I don't think you stand a snowball chance in hell of getting her back. See my man, when she left she believes she did come to her senses. Worse thing you can do is pressure her to the point of harassment or worse and get the law telling you to stop. It'll happen quicker than you can believe if you're dumb enough to believe such tactics work.

If you don't embody controversy, what you say will become just another part of the media driven culture of stifling thought and debate about issues.

Last edited by VladDracul; 08-04-2016 at 06:39 AM.
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