Should I reconcile? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-08-2016, 03:32 AM
btterflykisses's Avatar
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Re: Should I reconcile?

You need to end this and move on. I am so sorry this happened.

Never forget the three powerful resources you always have available to you: love, prayer, and forgiveness.
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

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post #17 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-11-2016, 06:10 PM
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Re: Should I reconcile?

Yes, I know you've made your decision as I came here from your other thread. I'm just putting in comments as they may be helpful to you and others.

Originally Posted by AspieWife123 View Post
He is 28, and I am 29. I feel like I can get over the contents of his lies, i mean i did not expect him not to have a life before he met me, I did however expect him to accurately and honestly disclose who he was. He never talked about an engagement to anyone, even though i asked specifically. He has lied about other small things before. Like once he was supposed to go to the dentist, and said he did and it came out months later that he didn't go out of fear and lied to me about going. He also has a bad habit of saying something is already done when really he just means to do it and it has not happened yet.
Is he still lying about these small things, even while he's trying to change? Each little lie is like a small betrayal, a small manipulation.

Think of it this way. You fell in love with the man you THOUGHT he was. Now, you find out that was a charade. The man you thought you had doesn't exist. Now, you are getting to know this new guy, and he's not a good husband.

Originally Posted by AspieWife123 View Post
The thing holding me back most is wanting to believe that with the love and support of a good woman, and with his personal motivations that things will change and get better.Many of the things I read with people leaving ( especially folks with Aspergers partners) is that the person is in denial about diagnosis, or they refuse counselling, and such. My husband has been incredibly apologetic and willing to try and change.He REALLY wants this to work, and I worry for what will happen to him if i go. He looks like he is really putting in effort. I just don't know if i can trust that effort due to the past, and the lie etc.
Consider his efforts to change to be good practice for him to be better in his next relationship. But you don't need to stick around.

See above about the charade. Even if he does change, you have no idea if he'll grow to really become that role, or if he'll become someone completely different again.

You do not have the man you thought you married. That's reason enough not to stay married.

Originally Posted by AspieWife123 View Post
A lot of what I read has people staying for the children, no children here... Also, Although i am not financially independent, i am not limited. My parents have told me to think it though of course, but hey are more than willing to take me in and allow me to rebuild independence with them. Its like im all ready to leave and i just have this hesitation. I have spent some time telling myself this is my life, this is my marriage, make it work, i want it to work. put when i look at it plain as day it isn't working. I look at him and see someone i love and want to stay, then i remember how i have been treated. its like i want to keep everything about our life except him, and only just bad parts of him.....
He looks like the man you thought you had. But it's a costume. Now that you've seen the truth, there's no going back. You want the dream of the man you thought you married back again. But he doesn't exist now, never existed in the first place, and he's unlikely to ever become that man no matter how hard he works.

Honestly, leaving is best. If he keeps working on himself and shows great strides (that aren't lies) and you do like the person he's becoming (and you trust it as being real and lasting change) then there's time for reconciliation later. Or, you may find someone better that you trust.
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