In need of support to weather the storm
The H and I have recently come upon hard times. We've known each other for 11 years and have been married for 8. We have two children ages 6 and 5.
About two weeks ago, we got into a fight – I went away on business and when I went to call him, he was busy with his video game streaming and didn't pick up the phone, but instead texted me. I'm an old fashioned girl and as his wife, I feel taking my call should be more important than video games – and that's when it all went downhill. I found out many, many things in that fight – basically coming down to he's not happy in our relationship and wants a divorce. He went into detail about the things that I had done that caused him to feel emotionally dead towards me – and I of course immediately feel guilty as I realized there were many things I had done (unintentionally) and never took it to heart because he would never really talk to me about anything. Instead he would just start drinking more and more, but feel resentful towards me that I wasn't even taking notice. I apologized profusely and vowed to make it better, but he told me it was already too late.
It turns out that he had been feeling so neglected by me for such a long time that within the past month found himself in an EA with one of his gaming friends and it had been going on pretty much since the start of July. He didn't want to tell me of it, but I had suspicions and had to weasel it out of him. He admitted he feels terrible that things got so bad that it came to this. But despite the fact that this OW is ALSO in a bad marriage, he refuses to let go of this EA and ultimately wants to end it with me.
If it weren't for our two young children, I feel he would've been gone long before the EA started. But because of them, he stayed on with me and now we are where we are now. We have agreed to stay in the same house until Christmas (because we want the kids to have a good Christmas) and because financially we aren't in the position to go our separate ways yet. We've still been sleeping in the same bed, and have even had sex a few times.
For me, I do not want a divorce. I have already taken many strides in improving myself taking special notice of the things he specifically listed. I know it is still very early on, and I anticipate that resolving this can take months, if not years - but every day is a struggle. One minute, I'm feeling empowered and confident I can do this, then another moment will come and I'm lost in depression wondering how I'm ever going to move on in my life if we can't reconcile. I suppose I am needing some words of inspiration or encouragement to help me through this difficult time.