I do not get this post.
All postings are today's.
At first, you wanted good and positive advice....OK, that is what everyone wants......not going to happen.
You first said that you have altered/changed [yourself] to his desired requests. He has agreed to work on his faults.
Now you say Divorce is unavoidable and will happen. And all of this in one day of posting....here.
Forgive me, this sounds wishy-washy. Then, I remember that you are under extreme emotional pressure.
Is this the "Well, I tried to work through our marriage problems and I cannot save our marriage".
Are you sincere in your feelings to R or are you just uncontrollably conflicted? Either way I understand.
In my opinion your husband cannot change his introversion....unless you inject high levels of steroids in him!
You are not compatible. Do not waste his time or yours....get divorced and start a new life. It will not be easy....it will not be easy regardless.
Thanks, Sun. Yes, it is very confusing and we both know that this will take time. If things work out, it could be a slow process. I read Ampexlor's sticky and while it gave me hope, it also showed me just how long reconciliation can take.
I also recognize that I'm asking him to change something that has been stable throughout his life. One poster used the term "introvert" to describe what he needs to change, but that is not it. I, too, am an introvert. Introverts get their batteries recharged through time alone. It doesn't mean they can't have a positive attitude. It doesn't mean they lack self confidence. It doesn't mean they can't greet you in the morning with a smile and a kiss. It doesn't mean they can't have fun in bed. I don't think I'm being unrealistic there. Google famous introverts and you'll find names like Michael Jordan and Mark Zuckerberg. They may not be the life of a party, but I'm pretty sure they can be positive and smile!
What causes him to pull back, to be distant with pretty much everyone, is that he is insecure and doesn't trust. Extroverts can be distrustful and live only on the surface, so again, introversion is not the issue. In fact, some people compensate for their feeling of insecurity by dressing well, acting like they have a great life, bragging, etc. Most narcissists are actually insecure people who mask it by behaving the opposite.
Nevertheless, I am asking him to change something that has been a stable part of him for most of his life. But I don't think insecurity is a personality trait. Maybe it is. Maybe when you look at nature vs nurture, it's nature that causes it. Not sure. But I know if he can change it will take a long time. Waiting around for him to change is where my uncertainty is. I am not sure it's the right choice, hence why I'm here being open and honest. Posted via Mobile Device