Re: Is he being controlling?
So, Monday night he came home and the minute I saw he wasn't upset, I calmed down. We sat on the sofa later and we talked and it was a good talk. He assumed I'd be home at 10, and I explained that I had said 11pm. He hadn't heard me. He said he assumed I was having light-hearted talk with my friend and wouldn't be that long since I had to get up early. (I normally stay out until 11, 11:30.) His assumption about when I'd be home and the fact I woke him up were the two reasons for his anger.
I told him that I felt he was pretty harsh considering that I told him when I'd be back and I was only a few minutes late. Plus, I always let him know when I'm heading home and I texted him 10 minutes prior to leaving. I explained that my friend was pretty emotional and I felt it would be rude to pick up my phone and text him that I thought I'd be late. He apologized again and I told him that I appreciated it, but I was concerned about my reaction to his anger. That it felt really unhealthy and I think we need to go back to counseling. I said I felt almost like a part of an abusive relationship.
We talked about this past vacation that we took. It was a reunion with my family. Evidently he was unhappy most of the trip, but didn't let on to me and I didn't pick up on it until he got nasty with a text he sent about 3/4 through the trip. He told me that with some hindsight and clarity he sees that he blamed me for how he was feeling and I didn't deserve that. I told him he needs to let me in on his feelings next time so that we can address the issue. He admitted he holds him feelings inside and doesn't know how to let them out in a healthy way. (He grew up without his mom, alcoholic dad that had PTSD stuff going on.)
I'm going to make sure that I am home when I plan to be home in the future and continue to let him know if I think I'll be late. I will continue to text before I head for home. We worked through it, thank God, but probably need to address this in marriage counseling. Our counselor isn't the best, I don't think. She does more talking than listening. We just dread having to explain everything all over again to someone new. Thanks for everyone's input.