Went out with a friend last night. Told husband I planned to be back by 11pm because I needed to work the next morning early. He said okay and goodbye.
I get a text at 9pm from him reminding me I have to get up early the next day.
I text back about 9:30 saying I'm planning on leaving in an hour.
I ended up leaving 20 minutes after I said I would.
Got home and he said I didn't leave much time for me to sleep, I said, well that's on me.
He mentioned I didn't leave when I said I would. I told him due to the topic of conversation, I couldn't just walk out on my friend at that moment.
We went to sleep.
Next morning he asks to talk to me before I leave for work. He says I didn't come home in time to give myself enough time to sleep. I said that's my problem (in a nice way). He then says, well, you woke me up and I tossed and turned forever getting back to sleep.
I apologized and told him I'd try to be quieter next time and that my friend and I had discussed starting our get together earlier next time so that I could get home earlier.
I told him that I only got home 10 minutes after I said I'd be home (I was in the driveway by 11:10) and he acted confused. I reminded him that I told him I'd said I'd be home by 11pm. He said he doesn't remember. I told him I'd try to be quieter next time or get home earlier next time or get together with her on a day where he's not getting up early the next day. Kissed him goodbye and went to work.
Once at work, I have a text from him:
It was closer to 11:30 by the time you got home, so even then that would make you late. When you give someone a time, it's when you will be home, not heading home. I don't mind you going out with your friends but would appreciate you back home closer to a decent hour.
I'll do what I can not to wake you up next time. And friend and I discussed getting together earlier next time. But there may be times when I'm out later than planned and I'll let you know if that happens.
So, this morning I was an anxious mess... felt on the verge of a panic attack, too. My stomach clenches up and I can't think straight. It's annoying and concerning because my mom dealt with a stressful relationship and she died young of a pulmonary embolism.
Is he being controlling here? Or am I making a big deal out of nothing? We have our issues that we're still working through. I also have another thread here, the only other one if you want to read through it. I'm an adult and not his daughter and I feel that it's reasonable to go out once every two weeks and maybe stay out late with my friend. I always text when I'm headed home and always tell him when I expect to start heading home. I always let him know when I'm running later than expected, as well. Thanks for your input.