So, I messed up. - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

User Tag List

 16Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #16 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-25-2016, 12:21 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,655
Re: So, I messed up.

Quote:
Originally Posted by xxrockmexx92 View Post
When the man makes a decision about something, the decision should stand.
Wow, maybe I'll convert to Christianity.

Herschel is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #17 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-25-2016, 12:31 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Lost in the Ozarks
Posts: 144
Re: So, I messed up.

Quote:
Originally Posted by xxrockmexx92 View Post
When the man makes a decision about something, the decision should stand. Of course discussion will happen between the two of you, but his decision should be the final one considering that he is going to take care of any curve balls that might occur because of his decision.



I was so focused on trying to be 50/50 with him on everything when I really don't have a way to take care of a lot of problems that might arise. That was a friction point with a lot of our arguments.


Great. Now if you could explain this to my wife I would sure appreciate it. She is always wanting to "have an equal vote" and stupid crap like that. After all, I am right about everything all the time.

...wait, oh yeah. It doesn't work like that.

What problems are you having to rely on him to smooth over?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

You can't always get what you want. But, if you try, sometimes you'll find you get what you need.
thebirdman is offline  
post #18 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-25-2016, 12:34 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Columbus Ohio
Posts: 29
Re: So, I messed up.

Quote:
Originally Posted by thebirdman View Post
Great. Now if you could explain this to my wife I would sure appreciate it. She is always wanting to "have an equal vote" and stupid crap like that. After all, I am right about everything all the time.

...wait, oh yeah. It doesn't work like that.

What problems are you having to rely on him to smooth over?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I didn't say that we wouldn't have discussions. I am talking about final decisions.

There isn't really anything that I need him to smooth over at this point. He has done everything I have asked him to do when it comes to communicating with me, showing me affection, etc. It might have taken time but he has done it. I didn't realize that I was not showing him the same respect and love for his requests.
xxrockmexx92 is offline  
 
post #19 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-25-2016, 12:46 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Lost in the Ozarks
Posts: 144
Re: So, I messed up.

Quote:
Originally Posted by xxrockmexx92 View Post
I didn't say that we wouldn't have discussions. I am talking about final decisions.



There isn't really anything that I need him to smooth over at this point. He has done everything I have asked him to do when it comes to communicating with me, showing me affection, etc. It might have taken time but he has done it. I didn't realize that I was not showing him the same respect and love for his requests.


Maybe there is some background here I am missing out on.
Yes, showing your SO love and respect is important.

I was raised up in (but no longer adhere to) "ultra-conservative" Christianity where the rule of thumb is "what the man says goes." Don't know if that's where you are coming from or not. If so, we need to have another conversation.

The way I would best describe my relationship is this:

Our family is an organizational unit, like a business. Let's call it "Smith Family Enterprises." Now, I own 50% of the shares in Smith Family Enterprises and Mrs. Smith (my wife) owns the other 50%. We're equal partners in this relationship. That means we get an equal vote. If we disagree on something, we find a way to work it out. Now, we do each have our own areas of expertise. I'm the CFO at Smith Family Enterprises. My wife is the COO. So we each have our own jobs and responsibilities, but ultimately our goal is to work toward our (key word) betterment.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

You can't always get what you want. But, if you try, sometimes you'll find you get what you need.
thebirdman is offline  
post #20 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-25-2016, 12:48 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Columbus Ohio
Posts: 29
Re: So, I messed up.

Quote:
Originally Posted by thebirdman View Post
Maybe there is some background here I am missing out on.
Yes, showing your SO love and respect is important.

I was raised up in (but no longer adhere to) "ultra-conservative" Christianity where the rule of thumb is "what the man says goes." Don't know if that's where you are coming from or not. If so, we need to have another conversation.

The way I would best describe my relationship is this:

Our family is an organizational unit, like a business. Let's call it "Smith Family Enterprises." Now, I own 50% of the shares in Smith Family Enterprises and Mrs. Smith (my wife) owns the other 50%. We're equal partners in this relationship. That means we get an equal vote. If we disagree on something, we find a way to work it out. Now, we do each have our own areas of expertise. I'm the CFO at Smith Family Enterprises. My wife is the COO. So we each have our own jobs and responsibilities, but ultimately our goal is to work toward our (key word) betterment.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Yes, I agree with you. I look at it as a business also and that has been my attitude the whole time but I have been trying too hard to control his part of the business when my part has not been in order for a long time. We have actually had this discussion before about me being in charge of my part of the business and leaving his part alone. I did not hear him until now, lol.
xxrockmexx92 is offline  
post #21 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-25-2016, 03:51 PM
Member
 
Spicy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 607
Re: So, I messed up.

Quote:
No, I am not burying my needs to get him back. I am making these changes because I realize that I have been getting in the way of our progress. These are things as a Christian woman, I was not doing.
What are those things? Do plan to not have sex outside of marriage anymore (committing fornication) as the bible continuously commands of Christians? Does your boyfriend share your faith?

Ciao,

Spicy
Spicy is online now  
post #22 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-25-2016, 11:03 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 191
Re: So, I messed up.

Quote:
Originally Posted by xxrockmexx92 View Post
Around mid July, an incident with a neighbor forced us to have another argument.
Wrong. There's other ways to solve disagreements without arguing.

I know this is news to you but it's true.
Yosemite is offline  
post #23 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-27-2016, 07:38 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Southeast
Posts: 4,176
Re: So, I messed up.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Openminded View Post
Were you living with him when you were dating other people and he was trying to get back together?
If you answered this, I missed it.
Openminded is offline  
post #24 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-28-2016, 05:05 AM
Member
 
aine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Away and beyond in a hot place
Posts: 2,580
Re: So, I messed up.

I think you should take a break from this relationship and spend some time living life and growing up. He is at a different point in his life.
aine is offline  
post #25 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-28-2016, 08:02 PM
Member
 
*Deidre*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Somewhere else...
Posts: 2,861
Re: So, I messed up.

Quote:
Originally Posted by aine View Post
I think you should take a break from this relationship and spend some time living life and growing up. He is at a different point in his life.
This, and OP - just my opinion, but this is why living together with a guy before marriage isn't wise. It creates a false sense of connection, and makes you 'feel' married, but you're not. If you're seeking marriage, that is, Not all people are seeking that. But, a guy isn't the head of the household, if he's not your husband. Think you should move on from this one.

You asked if people have dealt with a break up, and yes I have...I recently was engaged, and we broke it off a few months back. Ironically, he wanted to buy a house with me before we officially got married, and I didn't want that. I started seeing a side of him I didn't like, and we both decided to part ways. I'm dating someone new now, and we just really respect each other in a way, that I haven't had in other relationships. You'll get past this, I'd go no contact so you can heal. That might sound harsh, but to stay in touch with him will not help your healing process.

Best wishes for your journey.

*Deidre* is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Really messed up situation-PLEASE HELP jd1116 Coping with Infidelity 105 06-12-2016 11:03 AM
I messed up big time!!!! How do get her trust back?? Joecaps General Relationship Discussion 13 01-07-2016 11:36 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome