So, I messed up.
So, I've been with my bf for almost 5 years. We have had our ups and downs like many couples do.
In May we had an argument that I started while he was trying to go to sleep (stupid idea). He said something pretty hurtful and it cut me pretty bad. After a few days of thinking about it, I told him that I wanted to break up. I pushed him away physically and emotionally because I wanted him to apologize to be in a grand way or I wouldn't take him back. (Another stupid idea). I was going on dates and trying to make new friends, he was apologizing and trying to get us back together but I was definitely not ready to talk yet.
Around mid July, an incident with a neighbor forced us to have another argument. This time, the conversation made me have a HUGE revelation about how I was not listening to or respecting him. I talked to him more on the phone on the way home and the conversation continued after I got there. I was realizing so many things about the subtle way he asks for things and the many times he has brought up a specific subject but I thought he was being a jerk. I apologized to him for all of the things I did not realize. In the coming weeks, I have had even more revelations after doing some reflecting, talking to people about the situation, and continuing to talk to my counselor.
Fast forward to now, I have poured my heart out to him a few times about what I have come to understand and I have asked/begged for him to give us another chance. He he said no those few times.
As of last week, I mostly moved back in with my mom to give him some space, as I have been advised by many people. I met with his best friend last week who suggested that I write him a letter about the behavioral changes I have made. I have spent the past week doing that, I have talked to more people and his best friend has now seen the letter and gave me high praise for it. I also sent it to a church elder who has been helping with this and he thinks it is perfect. I am planning on delivering the letter while he is at work this Friday and hoping that the continued space will give him time to realize what I have also come to realize.
I guess my question is, have you gone through a break up? How did you cope with not seeing your partner every day? How did you reconnect without making them feel like you were smothering them? If there is anything else you can think of, please feel free to add it.
If you have gone through this, please give me any advice of what you did to get through the days of uncertainty.