Annnnd I'm back - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

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post #31 of 133 (permalink) Old 08-31-2016, 08:17 AM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

Pull the band aid off quickly and don't look back. The longer you continue down your current path the more pain and drama you will endure and likely result in the same bad outcome.

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post #32 of 133 (permalink) Old 08-31-2016, 08:37 AM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

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Originally Posted by Jay83 View Post
So to give you a little background on where it started going wrong. We had been starting to try for a family... and it wasn't happening. Turns out it was down to me and IVF was the only way forward. It killed me honestly, I felt like a failure. My wife tried her best to reassure me and make me feel better but I went into a bit of a depression about it and neglected my wife emotional and sexually for about six months. It's not that I didn't love her or find her attractive I had just completely lost my mojo. She would try and try to initiate sex but when we did I couldn't finish or keep it up. I felt terrible about it, I didn't want to face the problem either. It got to the point that I had killed her confidence. We have spoke about this since and I have apologised but she still takes responsibility for it all.
So.

Apparently her cheating is really all YOUR fault.

Got it.

I guess you'd better PRAY to never, ever get felled by an illness or have an accident and break some bones, or become depressed due to the death of someone close to you, etc. etc. etc., because apparently, any lapse of ability to entertain her in the bedroom gives her the right to cheat on you.

According to you.

Better gear up to eat a lifetime of sh*t sandwiches because they'll ALWAYS be on the menu.
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post #33 of 133 (permalink) Old 08-31-2016, 09:28 AM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

What you want to happen with this and what is so very likely GOING to happen are two different things. Your wife detached enough to bang multiple guys and move out. Your situation with living conditions and her job are terrible given her tendency to wander.
YOU MET HER IN THE PUB. You don't think she talks to other men there? Not necessarily a problem if you had a strong marriage. You don't. ANd working in a pub won't make it better.

Look at the facts. Make your judgement on whether to move on or go back based on FACTS. If your emotions are involved, they will totally screw your future up. Mr. Spock the hell out of this situation.
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post #34 of 133 (permalink) Old 08-31-2016, 01:10 PM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

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No children.

Multiple APs.

GTFO, now, while she is worried about you leaving her.
Yep.
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Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #35 of 133 (permalink) Old 08-31-2016, 01:11 PM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jay83 View Post
So to give you a little background on where it started going wrong. We had been starting to try for a family... and it wasn't happening. Turns out it was down to me and IVF was the only way forward. It killed me honestly, I felt like a failure. My wife tried her best to reassure me and make me feel better but I went into a bit of a depression about it and neglected my wife emotional and sexually for about six months. It's not that I didn't love her or find her attractive I had just completely lost my mojo. She would try and try to initiate sex but when we did I couldn't finish or keep it up. I felt terrible about it, I didn't want to face the problem either. It got to the point that I had killed her confidence. We have spoke about this since and I have apologised but she still takes responsibility for it all.
Sooo... she decided to make babies w/ someone else?

GTFO now.
Posted via Mobile Device

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #36 of 133 (permalink) Old 08-31-2016, 01:22 PM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

Respect yourself, you know what has to be done.
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post #37 of 133 (permalink) Old 08-31-2016, 01:42 PM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

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she admitted everything that had happened, also about two other guys since we had been separated (she slept with them too).


Of course I'm remorseful about sleeping with the guys. Can't you tell.


----

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post #38 of 133 (permalink) Old 09-05-2016, 09:32 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

So I thought I would give an update on my situation.

So far so good, communication has been open and my wife an I have spoken about what happened, why it happened and our future together. She's taken the right actions in regards to getting our marriage getting back on track which is severing all communications with those she messed about with (even though she done this a while back) still been open and honest to friends and family. She is patient with me when I have a bad turn, and has shouldered the blame in regards to what she has done (obviously).

I understand a lot of peoples opinions on here but for once I wanted to show that sometimes a marriage can work through tough times and I am sure there will plenty more to come in our future... but that's marriage, no one said it was going to be easy. And if she does anything like this again then I will walk away with me head held high knowing at least I have tried to fix our marriage instead of walking away.

: )
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post #39 of 133 (permalink) Old 09-05-2016, 10:32 AM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

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So I thought I would give an update on my situation.

So far so good, communication has been open and my wife an I have spoken about what happened, why it happened and our future together. She's taken the right actions in regards to getting our marriage getting back on track which is severing all communications with those she messed about with (even though she done this a while back) still been open and honest to friends and family. She is patient with me when I have a bad turn, and has shouldered the blame in regards to what she has done (obviously).

I understand a lot of peoples opinions on here but for once I wanted to show that sometimes a marriage can work through tough times and I am sure there will plenty more to come in our future... but that's marriage, no one said it was going to be easy. And if she does anything like this again then I will walk away with me head held high knowing at least I have tried to fix our marriage instead of walking away.

: )
The important thing is you feel she is remorseful and willing to work on the marriage. And you sound like you are staying for the right reasons, I hope she stays true to you and the marriage. Best wishes, and good luck with this.
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post #40 of 133 (permalink) Old 09-05-2016, 10:59 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

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The important thing is you feel she is remorseful and willing to work on the marriage. And you sound like you are staying for the right reasons, I hope she stays true to you and the marriage. Best wishes, and good luck with this.
Thank you : )

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post #41 of 133 (permalink) Old 09-05-2016, 03:40 PM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

No matter what any of us think, we don't have to live your life. Therefore, with all that was posted, you must at last, choose your own path. I think most of us have the BS in mind when we post harshly. A lifetime of pain and doubt can be worse than starting over, or being alone. Good luck and I hope to never see a post that you are dealing with infidelity, separation and divorce, or another man's children.

I really do only wish you the best, happiest life possible.

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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post #42 of 133 (permalink) Old 09-08-2016, 07:51 PM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

You should read both the threads and posts of @drifting on. @Wazza and @Ckrome1800 to start. You should check @Uptown posts as well. While he posts on BPD almost entiterly sometimes he will discuss cluster B personalities. You will note there some carry over due to her FOO issues. At a guess part of adultery rampage (yes rampage) was due to the reaction to you withdrawing combined with FOO issues. You do know part of this rampage was anchored in the need to hurt you? She will discussed feelings of despair, but yea she wanted you to experience your pain! how do you deal with this if it isn't even on the table? has she admitted this aspect?

Understand that saying "well FOO issues" means nothing when it comes to reconciling. Instead, the question is "how have addressed the issue to make the marriage safe"!

Finally have you two been intimate? If so stop, tell her it only clouds the issues - it does not mean a loss of interest. I told my nephews and nieces ages ago sex is like putting a huge dab of crazy glue between your fingers, letting it cure overnight, then ripping the fingers apart. More then one later told me I was right. Intimacy bounds two people together the way nothing else, except children, will. It is amazing, understand sex is only a part of intimacy.

Last edited by JohnA; 09-08-2016 at 07:55 PM.
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post #43 of 133 (permalink) Old 09-08-2016, 07:56 PM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

Oh read @LosingHim and @E1 threads to see remorse in a WS. A lot of E1 posts are on her husbands thread. Reconciliation...
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post #44 of 133 (permalink) Old 09-08-2016, 08:12 PM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jay83 View Post
So I thought I would give an update on my situation.

I understand a lot of peoples opinions on here but for once I wanted to show that sometimes a marriage can work through tough times and I am sure there will plenty more to come in our future... but that's marriage, no one said it was going to be easy. And if she does anything like this again then I will walk away with me head held high knowing at least I have tried to fix our marriage instead of walking away.

:-)
The Mature Male human body holds ~11 pints of life-giving blood.

All yours' has been let out...and it's at your feet.

Yet, you are still standing and smiling.. :-)

Who are we to hack down such a Pale Rider?

Sayeth the Pale Riding Preacher: "Well, if you're waitin' for a woman to make up her mind, you may have a long wait".

Live long and endure....outlast the rascals.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #45 of 133 (permalink) Old 09-09-2016, 04:16 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

Thanks for the replies.

I know to some I may seem a little crazy or a push over, I don't believe this to be the case at all. My wife is taking steps in the right direction to repairing herself. Talking to close friends about why she did it and dealing with her remorse. I'm not the kind of guy to bully or throw it in her face, I just listen to what she has to say and then respond calmly and be thoughtfully. I might be going through a ton of grief but so is she. A marriage can't be repaired by one person playing the victim and the others feelings get ignored because they were in the wrong.
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