Annnnd I'm back - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
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post #61 of 133 (permalink) Old 09-14-2016, 05:05 PM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

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Millions of people do not follow these standards so, we will disagree. These aren't laws and rules, they are choices. We call them "rules" to further our own opinions and separate ourselves from each other.
I guess so. I don't believe every child that plays on the team deserves a trophy, either. I think they all deserve a team picture and the top players deserve the trophies. It's what happens in adult life.


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post #62 of 133 (permalink) Old 09-14-2016, 09:05 PM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

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I guess so. I don't believe every child that plays on the team deserves a trophy, either. I think they all deserve a team picture and the top players deserve the trophies. It's what happens in adult life.
You were raised in a different time. Unfortunately for my kids, I was as well and they are better for it IMO. Same applies to this situation. Kudos for trying hard is not enough in a marriage. The Kudos come after a year or so of trying, including the ups and downs, not just the current appeasement and hysterical bonding.
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post #63 of 133 (permalink) Old 09-14-2016, 09:32 PM
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Cool Re: Annnnd I'm back

You've indicated that you talked to the POSOM!

Did you ever bother talking to his W?

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post #64 of 133 (permalink) Old 09-15-2016, 08:44 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

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You've indicated that you talked to the POSOM!

Did you ever bother talking to his W?

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None of them had partners, which was a shame. It would have been good to expose them too.
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post #65 of 133 (permalink) Old 09-15-2016, 09:34 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

As I have said on hear before, not every marriage is the same and I am not blaming myself or anyone else for the affair, it was her choice to go down that route. But maybe looking at my own faults really isn't a bad thing, it helps me grow as a man and husband.

If she wasn't making the effort and she only blames herself in all of this then I would not have bothered. Look if this happens again then it would be easier for me to walk away knowing i tried my best to fix the marriage.
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post #66 of 133 (permalink) Old 09-15-2016, 09:58 AM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

Yes, we all know every marriage is different. I see your words, we will disagree on the blame shifting. I didn't say you have no culpability and to not fix your problems. I said it takes time and there needs to be consequences despite her "effort."
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post #67 of 133 (permalink) Old 09-15-2016, 10:50 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

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Yes, we all know every marriage is different. I see your words, we will disagree on the blame shifting. I didn't say you have no culpability and to not fix your problems. I said it takes time and there needs to be consequences despite her "effort."
Of course, something this big (in our lives anyway) doesn't happen without there being consequences.
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post #68 of 133 (permalink) Old 09-15-2016, 11:30 AM
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None of them had partners, which was a shame. It would have been good to expose them too.
Not really pressing as much as I wanted some clarification on that! Thanks!
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post #69 of 133 (permalink) Old 09-20-2016, 01:32 AM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

There is the fact that she has multiple AP's, however you do state that she's expressing massive remorse, something BS's don't typically get from their WS's, and there are situations where it takes a massive f'ed up situation like this to wake her out of her fog, and if she is truly out of the fog and showing remorse, there is a good chance at reconciliation, but do realize that this would take the both of you, so you have to ask yourself if you can live with the betrayal or not and move from there.
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post #70 of 133 (permalink) Old 09-21-2016, 02:51 PM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

The multiple MPs are bad. Even when I had just kicked my WW out and had access to her accounts - a toxic friend was trying to set her up with another GUY. WW said "No"...

No children... okay, so what happens when she gets preggers from someone?

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post #71 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-19-2016, 03:06 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

So, after being quiet for a while (but still reading through the threads of course) I'm back to square one.

As I said on previous posts that one more breach of the trust in our marriage would end it I have to stay true to my word. This past Saturday I asked to borrow her phone to call mine as I couldn't find it. She refused to let me borrow her phone and when I confronted her about it she went crazy, screaming at me to **** off and saying "I've had enough of this" which confused me because since we have been back together I have not asked to look at any of her social media accounts or her phone. Anyway, I started to lose my temper (which I never even lost on D-day or anytime after that) with her over this and demanded to see her phone as she was acting guilty and defensive and she ends up locking herself in the bathroom with her phone. After about 30 seconds she came out and handed me her phone and said here you go then but it still had the lock on it and she still refused to unlock the phone. After this all of my frustration came out and I told her that she's a scumbag for what she has done to me this past year. She's offended that I called her a scumbag and tries to turn the situation around on me saying that this is pointless because I'll never trust her again and all I do is bring up the affair, which isn't true at all.

So here we are, splitting up again and this time for good. I tried my hardest to work through the problems and also understand my wife's side of the affair. All I can say is that I tried, and I am gutted. I truly believe she has a problem, funnily enough this past month her mum left her step dad for another man without any remorse, this man single handily saved their family from the gutter and that's how she repays them.

I'm now sitting here in dread at the thought of how hard this is going to be. I won't lie I'm scared, I have been through so much heart ache and stress this year it feels like my mind and body are ready to give up. So much for loyalty in marriage. You look after someone, care, provide and give everything you have to them and this is what you get in return.
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post #72 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-19-2016, 03:22 AM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

Well, I can understand your frustration, but you should have stayed totally calm.

This would have kept her as the unreasonable person. Now she will use your own temper and reaction as an excuse.

Nevertheless, it is done.

She definitely was hiding something from you that was inappropriate. Her immediate reaction and then the bathroom episode says it all. She was scrambling to hide something.

Else, she would have offered up her phone in a New York minute.

180, detach, all your energy shifts to you now. Consider it valuable knowledge that now gives you the power to finally become unstuck.

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post #73 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-19-2016, 03:31 AM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

OP you are done with her right.?! Buddy she's got no respect for you. Time to throw in the towel... she's just a tramp that's what she wants to be. why she wanted you back I don't know probably out of guilt but now you know what she really is.
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post #74 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-19-2016, 03:33 AM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

Handing you the phone locked was a F-you gesture.

I guess she wasn't trying all too hard to fix the marriage.

“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


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post #75 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-19-2016, 04:00 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

No it's done now, no coming back from this. Her excuse about the phone was that she had been speaking to a friend about me and her that she didn't want me to see.

I feel gutted and broken, I gave her the chance to show me that we can fix this this marriage and trust, she just couldn't help herself. I mean the writing was on the wall from the beginning. After D-Day she said she would do anything to fix us and the other guy she was seeing was still at my house that following week. This is the guy that on the following Friday turned up at mine when he found out I was home and threatened me with a metal pole... well him and his mate.

What a mess, and no she has no respect for me or herself.
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