Re: Annnnd I'm back
Who knows if that is the case that she was speaking to a friend and you are correct in saying that if she can not speak to me then what's the point in this marriage and I pulled that up with her.
The way she has got defensive raises a lot of red flags with me, acting like she is guilty and does in fact have something to hide like the way she was acting earlier this year when she was having the affair.
Problem is I have made a lot of effort to address and work on my own faults which I felt contribute to the situation we are in now. She did too, she was very loving and attentive, making an effort to making me feel loved and secure. Up until this past weekend when she done that with her phone, for me that is ridiculous behaviour after what has happened.
She blames the guilt she feels daily for what happened and feels worthless and undeserving of a second chance in our marriage. You can see the trouble she has daily, the problem is I have no doubt she loves me, she just can't control her impulses.
Her step dad is in an awful place, he's 61 and now looking down the barrel of losing his life. Her mother is a vile human, the stories I hear about her leaving the children alone whilst meeting up with random men when my wife was younger is disgusting and she has a very bad relationship with my wife's to older sisters. As I mentioned it wasn't until the step dad came along and basically saved the family. Both her mum and biological father both have/had mental health issues so it's no surprise they have manifested within my wife. I always knew she had that side to her but I was always able to calm it down by showing her love and affection along with listening to her. Maybe it all became too much and she's now just snapped, that personality has come to the window and it's here to stay.
Her step dad was not supportive to me until he was left by his wife, that's how this family seem to work.
But I am letting her go, I'm not going to be mean to her but I just want to let her know that I hope she finds the happiness she craves in life. Even last night she was messaging me saying she doesn't want anyone else and she needs me in her life to protect and look after her. But I'm afraid that ship has sailed, I need to do something that I haven't done in a long time and work on myself.