Annnnd I'm back - Page 8 - Talk About Marriage
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post #106 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-21-2016, 07:07 PM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

Her mother's actions will be her's in the future once she no longer needs you to fill the emotional needs she currently has. Her mom needed security, got it. Now she has other needs, is secure and independent of a provider of security so she drops him without looking back. Once your wife gets over her abandonment issues it will, bye thanks for the memories dude.

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post #107 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-24-2016, 10:30 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

So this weekend I have moved into the spare room to avoid her, she didn't like it but oh well.

Friday night I met a mutual friend (female) down my wifes pub, I told her that we were meeting and going on to a friends birthday at another pub as she was working and couldn't make it. She wasn't happy about us meeting but that's her problem.

We left the other pub and I was going to walk this other girl home. I popped into my wife's pub to say bye and she was acting jealous and paranoid asking me what I was up too. I told her she knows where we have been tonight and not to be silly. I left the pub and started to walk across a supermarket car park with our friend. Suddenly I heard a car come screaming towards us, I looked up and it was my wife, I thought she was going to run us over, lol. She pulled up beside us and said "what the **** is going on here" I told her that I'm walking her home to which she supplied "yeah right!" And then sped off again. The following morning she called this girl going mad at her accusing us of doing something which never happened and never would happen. Luckily this girl didn't get intimidated and held her ground against her. My wife then used that as an excuse not to come home on Saturday night.
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post #108 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-24-2016, 10:58 AM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

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Somehow I don't see this ending well......
Yep.

“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
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post #109 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-24-2016, 11:00 AM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

Why did you rub your wife's nose in the fact that you were walking the other girl home?

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #110 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-24-2016, 11:02 AM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

Jay,

i think your playing with fire by being upfront and honest with your soon to be exwife. for the safety of your friend and perhaps yours i would try to either stay quiet or hold off until after you are divorce. your ex-wife is a nut job.
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post #111 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-24-2016, 11:03 AM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

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Why did you rub your wife's nose in the fact that you were walking the other girl home?


A little pay back. So she doubled down and went home with someone else the next night.


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post #112 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-24-2016, 11:07 AM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

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Why did you rub your wife's nose in the fact that you were walking the other girl home?
Jay

If you are trying to end this amicably, you're doing it wrong.

“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
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post #113 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-25-2016, 03:11 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

I didn't rub her nose in it at all. She's friends with this woman too, I always make sure women get home safely, that's just me. But I'm not going to let my wife control who I can and can't see anymore, she has no right to do this. After Friday night though she showed her true craziness to her friends and to be honest they were really not impressed. Did I rock up at her night out when she didn't come home on Saturday and start interrogating her.
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post #114 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-25-2016, 03:46 AM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

You ABSOLUTELY rubbed your wife's nose in it.
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post #115 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-25-2016, 04:04 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

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You ABSOLUTELY rubbed your wife's nose in it.
And how did I do that? Surely rubbing her nose in it would be me bragging about it to her? I've made it quite clear that I am no longer putting up with her double standards. I'm bored of it.

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post #116 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-25-2016, 04:17 AM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

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And how did I do that? Surely rubbing her nose in it would be me bragging about it to her? I've made it quite clear that I am no longer putting up with her double standards. I'm bored of it.
I'm sure you are. But that has nothing to do with YOUR choices.

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So this weekend I have moved into the spare room to avoid her, she didn't like it but oh well.

Friday night I met a mutual friend (female) down my wifes pub, I told her that we were meeting and going on to a friends birthday at another pub as she was working and couldn't make it. She wasn't happy about us meeting but that's her problem.

We left the other pub and I was going to walk this other girl home. I popped into my wife's pub to say bye and she was acting jealous and paranoid asking me what I was up too. I told her she knows where we have been tonight and not to be silly. I left the pub and started to walk across a supermarket car park with our friend. Suddenly I heard a car come screaming towards us, I looked up and it was my wife, I thought she was going to run us over, lol. She pulled up beside us and said "what the **** is going on here" I told her that I'm walking her home to which she supplied "yeah right!" And then sped off again. The following morning she called this girl going mad at her accusing us of doing something which never happened and never would happen. Luckily this girl didn't get intimidated and held her ground against her. My wife then used that as an excuse not to come home on Saturday night.
So, you MOVED OUT of your bedroom - CLEAR signal that you are no longer considering yourself 'married' to her, right?

Right?

But then you almost immediately 'reported' to your NO-LONGER-MARRIED SPOUSE of your plans to 'be with' another female.

Like the very next day, right?

and not only that, but you then WENT BACK to where your wife was working (i.e. not able to respond) and informed her - for no apparent reason since you have ALREADY moved out of your wife's bedroom and declared your 'freedom' that you would be walking this woman 'home' - and ALL WOMEN know what it means when a man walks a woman 'home.' We're not f*cking stupid. Walking someone home today means sex. It's not 1890.

Bottom line, you are FEEDING YOUR OWN EGO by doing what you did. By USING two women to do it.

In my world, that's unethical.
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post #117 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-25-2016, 04:52 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

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I'm sure you are. But that has nothing to do with YOUR choices.

So, you MOVED OUT of your bedroom - CLEAR signal that you are no longer considering yourself 'married' to her, right?

Right?

But then you almost immediately 'reported' to your NO-LONGER-MARRIED SPOUSE of your plans to 'be with' another female.

Like the very next day, right?

and not only that, but you then WENT BACK to where your wife was working (i.e. not able to respond) and informed her - for no apparent reason since you have ALREADY moved out of your wife's bedroom and declared your 'freedom' that you would be walking this woman 'home' - and ALL WOMEN know what it means when a man walks a woman 'home.' We're not f*cking stupid. Walking someone home today means sex. It's not 1890.

Bottom line, you are FEEDING YOUR OWN EGO by doing what you did. By USING two women to do it.

In my world, that's unethical.
No, I moved into the spare room on Sunday night, this happened on Friday, I was still sleeping in the same room as her.

So by your logic walking a woman home means that you're going to have sex with them? So not that it's just not the right thing to do? And considering I have known this woman for years and we have the same circle of friends. It's a shame that's what you think a guy does, I'm sure there are plenty of men that do that though.

Having affairs, and then breaking the trust of your husband even after he took you back after trying to practically ruin your life to cover those affairs and then to STILL go behind his back... that is unethical. Walking a friend home safely is not unethical. It's a shame that you tar all men with the same brush when it comes to situations like this.
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post #118 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-25-2016, 05:31 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

And once again I can't stress this enough, this woman is a friend of mine and my wife's. We met up to go to once again mutual friends birthday where once again friends which are both mine and my wife's were there.

This isn't like I met up with a female friend who my wife didn't know and we went out on date, we went to another pub around the corner. We were talking about her father who has terminal cancer when walking her home, nothing more. Being male does not mean I can't be friends with the opposite sex and it doesn't mean that I can't walk them home to make sure they don't get home safely.
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post #119 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-25-2016, 05:40 AM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

Jay, I think that the reason you're getting some pressure about your choice to tell your wife about things is that it is not the behavior of a man moving on. You don't report to your wife any longer and the level of respect you owe her is one of cordial, diplomatic, minimal information and interaction.

By telling her everything, you are baiting her, whether you know it or not. Friends or not with this other woman, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter to us if you walk women home to safety. It matters to you and should matter ONLY to you.

Your wife's behavior is out of your control, as yours is out of hers, but you both are going to play a very repetitive, tiring, one upmanship game if you don't start living without the need for validation or revenge in any form. It'll kill your true opportunity to detach.

You win the game by not playing.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
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post #120 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-25-2016, 06:16 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

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Jay, I think that the reason you're getting some pressure about your choice to tell your wife about things is that it is not the behavior of a man moving on. You don't report to your wife any longer and the level of respect you owe her is one of cordial, diplomatic, minimal information and interaction.

By telling her everything, you are baiting her, whether you know it or not. Friends or not with this other woman, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter to us if you walk women home to safety. It matters to you and should matter ONLY to you.

Your wife's behavior is out of your control, as yours is out of hers, but you both are going to play a very repetitive, tiring, one upmanship game if you don't start living without the need for validation or revenge in any form. It'll kill your true opportunity to detach.

You win the game by not playing.
I can see where people are coming from but I would rather be upfront and honest whilst we live under the same roof. I have been on the receiving end of lies which are much, much worse than this and it's not nice. And this being a mutual friend it shouldn't be a problem, my wife knows that I'm not that guy who messes around, I especially wouldn't do it to a friend of mine and hers, dragging her into what already is a messy situation. No one deserves that. But it doesn't matter if I went out or not with this woman, my wife's paranoid reaction would have been the same whether I had been alone or with friends. Not that she has anything to be paranoid about, I'm not interested in revenge against her, that wouldn't make me any better than what she has put me through. No one deserves that kind of pain.
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