Annnnd I'm back - Page 9 - Talk About Marriage
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post #121 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-25-2016, 07:35 AM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

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No, I moved into the spare room on Sunday night, this happened on Friday, I was still sleeping in the same room as her.

So by your logic walking a woman home means that you're going to have sex with them? So not that it's just not the right thing to do? And considering I have known this woman for years and we have the same circle of friends. It's a shame that's what you think a guy does, I'm sure there are plenty of men that do that though.

Having affairs, and then breaking the trust of your husband even after he took you back after trying to practically ruin your life to cover those affairs and then to STILL go behind his back... that is unethical. Walking a friend home safely is not unethical. It's a shame that you tar all men with the same brush when it comes to situations like this.
And you were going to show her...right?

Check the gender. It isn't just a female busting your stones.

You didn't have to pop in to your wife's pub; you chose to.


"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #122 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-25-2016, 07:56 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

I always do, if I hadn't once again there would have been an issue. I went in to collect my bag which I didn't want to take to the other bar. I can see what you're saying but if I wanted to annoy her or cause an issue there are a lot more easier ways to do it, believe me.
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post #123 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-25-2016, 08:41 AM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

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One other point. Look at the quality of the guys she took up with. Have you heard the expression "in the end we settle for the love we believe we deserve"? She chose man of the quality she believes she deserves.

I bet if you look closely her mom's OM lacks the same qualities as the step dad. Bye the way what is the full story of what happened in that relationship?
Wow, I like this.

Chaotic behavior that is.......dissected with the actuator organs [and rationality] laid out in an orderly manner.

Her eyes lock onto a male target, the infidelity coil gets energized, the {hate herself} trigger-points dumps the charge to ground.......she sparks troubling behavior {over and over}.

Short of disconnecting the battery or taking her to some abandoned island {no males}, what is the solution?

Give her drugs that suppress her libido........down to her ankles?
.................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .........................

If woman were a VERY scarce commodity, then I could see backing her to the hilt. Going to any extreme to keep her close.

You know..keeping her warm breath on your cheek, her warm flesh abutting you full-flank. God, that is so rewarding! I shiver thinking this!

But no man in a Western country needs to share his wife...unwillingly.

She needs help.........but Jay needs a life. He needs an Avian Mate for life. One that he can soar with, one that follows his every move, and he hers; their forms swooping and turning in unison with every wind gust, updraft..........downdraft. Downdrafts need not be feared, when his Wing Mate has his back, his tail, and his warm rapid-beating, lusting Avian heart.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #124 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-25-2016, 09:04 AM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

@JohnA

This was no "ding" on your post. You are very insightful and astute.

My comment shifted the focus to this: "Just how far does a BS have to bend over....to forgive a wayward spouse?

To what end, and to what level of humiliation? What is the success rate? In General, in Private... Ryan?

For a Clinical Psychologist [I am not], the goal is to take patients to a [more] safe and comfortable state of mind; to protect them from themselves and from predatory, others. That [John] sounds like your goal, here.

The BS [Jay83] needs a loving spouse. One that he can trust with his heart, his manhood, and HIS LIFE on the Earth.......such a short time that it is, Eh?

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #125 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-25-2016, 09:36 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

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Wow, I like this.

Chaotic behavior that is.......dissected with the actuator organs [and rationality] laid out in an orderly manner.

Her eyes lock onto a male target, the infidelity coil gets energized, the {hate herself} trigger-points dumps the charge to ground.......she sparks troubling behavior {over and over}.

Short of disconnecting the battery or taking her to some abandoned island {no males}, what is the solution?

Give her drugs that suppress her libido........down to her ankles?
.................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .........................

If woman were a VERY scarce commodity, then I could see backing her to the hilt. Going to any extreme to keep her close.

You know..keeping her warm breath on your cheek, her warm flesh abutting you full-flank. God, that is so rewarding! I shiver thinking this!

But no man in a Western country needs to share his wife...unwillingly.

She needs help.........but Jay needs a life. He needs an Avian Mate for life. One that he can soar with, one that follows his every move, and he hers; their forms swooping and turning in unison with every wind gust, updraft..........downdraft. Downdrafts need not be feared, when his Wing Mate has his back, his tail, and his warm rapid-beating, lusting Avian heart.
I like your different outlook to what a relationship should be, and you are right. From day one I have tried to be supporting to her and this situation when it should of been her matching my support for each other.

Why should I be the one to still suffer through this and not live my life? She doesn't care and we are directly back to double standards in our relationship. I want to take my life back and to be honest not give a **** about what she thinks about what I am doing...she lost that right when she decided to sleep with four men behind my back.
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post #126 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-25-2016, 09:42 AM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

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she lost that right when she decided to sleep with four men behind my back.
If this is how you feel, then MAN UP and FILE THE DAMN DIVORCE already.

No one's saying your not in the right but dragging this out is just weak and pathetic.

She has no respect for you. She's REMORSELESS. Get out of your self inflicted purgatory.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #127 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-25-2016, 10:15 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

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If this is how you feel, then MAN UP and FILE THE DAMN DIVORCE already.

No one's saying your not in the right but dragging this out is just weak and pathetic.

She has no respect for you. She's REMORSELESS. Get out of your self inflicted purgatory.
Balls already rolling my man!
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post #128 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-25-2016, 10:48 AM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

Look Jay you do need a life, a new one, we are 100% supportive of that, but as long as your wife is even around you, she will be grasping at anything if she thinks it will keep you in her life.....this is a woman who is unwinding at the seams and she can't figure out how to control things. She can't figure out how to control you and she is desperate, and she will not care who she runs over to control the situation.
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post #129 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-25-2016, 05:11 PM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

@Jay83 I think your takeaway from all the posts shouldn't be to defend yourself, but to reflect a bit. I think the main thing here is you've lost sight if what a real, positive relationship looks like. You desire it and know yours is screwed up, but the other posters are more removed from your situation and scratch their heads and provide feedback saying "That ain't normal Jay". That's all. Not your fault but you will find out much later - how sucked into this dysfunctional behavior you've been.

I do hope you're moving on and SOON


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post #130 of 133 (permalink) Old 10-25-2016, 06:11 PM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

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I didn't rub her nose in it at all. She's friends with this woman too, I always make sure women get home safely, that's just me. But I'm not going to let my wife control who I can and can't see anymore, she has no right to do this. After Friday night though she showed her true craziness to her friends and to be honest they were really not impressed. Did I rock up at her night out when she didn't come home on Saturday and start interrogating her.
Hahaha come on stop the chivalrous knight in shiny armour gimmick. It was what it was, some passive aggressive rubbing wife's nose in it.. then again it sort of backfired as she didn't come home probably doing god knows what.

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post #131 of 133 (permalink) Old 11-17-2016, 05:40 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

Sorry for the long delay in replying. It's been a rough few weeks.

Back living with my mum, the divorce ball is rolling even though she won't except having the divorce under adultery, apparently it's because "it's unfair, that means if I remarry I can't do it in a church" well isn't that too bad. You shouldn't have had the affairs.

A very nasty side to her is coming out now, she's lost respect and a lot of friends over her actions, not to mention she's already back sleeping around with the guys she was before. She's also making herself out to be the victim in all of this, telling anyone who will listen that I wrecked the house before I left to "**** her over" and that I was also shouting in her and her friends face whilst drunk before I left.... all of them lies. Her friend is a psycho too so luckily hardly anyone is paying attention to them.

I've been getting plenty of attention from other women but I honestly do not dare act upon any of it, she will try anything to make her out to be the victim. Even when pictures have been posted on social media and there's a group of us she messages the women there to try and intimidate them... it's got so bad I'm looking to move town to get away from the madness.

On the upside I'm going to south Africa in the next few weeks.
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post #132 of 133 (permalink) Old 11-17-2016, 10:32 AM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

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...the divorce ball is rolling even though she won't except having the divorce under adultery, apparently it's because "it's unfair, that means if I remarry I can't do it in a church"...
The irony here is pretty freaking hilarious.
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post #133 of 133 (permalink) Old 11-17-2016, 10:46 AM
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Re: Annnnd I'm back

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Sorry for the long delay in replying. It's been a rough few weeks.

Back living with my mum, the divorce ball is rolling even though she won't except having the divorce under adultery, apparently it's because "it's unfair, that means if I remarry I can't do it in a church" well isn't that too bad. You shouldn't have had the affairs.

A very nasty side to her is coming out now, she's lost respect and a lot of friends over her actions, not to mention she's already back sleeping around with the guys she was before. She's also making herself out to be the victim in all of this, telling anyone who will listen that I wrecked the house before I left to "**** her over" and that I was also shouting in her and her friends face whilst drunk before I left.... all of them lies. Her friend is a psycho too so luckily hardly anyone is paying attention to them.

I've been getting plenty of attention from other women but I honestly do not dare act upon any of it, she will try anything to make her out to be the victim. Even when pictures have been posted on social media and there's a group of us she messages the women there to try and intimidate them... it's got so bad I'm looking to move town to get away from the madness.

On the upside I'm going to south Africa in the next few weeks.
Wait...what? I have never heard of a religion that allows remarriage AND checks the divorce papers for adultery in the previous marriage. In fact, quite a few belief traditions believe adultery is the ONLY allowable reason for divorce and will marry a former adulterer provided they claim to have changed and found God.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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