Update on the past few months.... - Talk About Marriage
Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-30-2016, 12:53 PM Thread Starter
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Update on the past few months....

I took some time away from here to focus on my wife's little extramarital affair and the rollercoaster associated with it.

She agreed to sever any forms of communications with the piece o' s****. POSOM knew she was married and had no issues with it. To this day I'm pretty sure I'd like to knock a few of his teeth down his throat. But moving on....

We started MC, the first session together and after that, we met individually. I threw the towel in when his focus was making sure I was attentive to her bottomless well list of needs. The last question I asked him was "but what if my primary needs is for her to not be so damn needy all the friggen time?" His answer concluded that my time was better spent pounding nails through my fingers. Ehf this.

Two months go by and things dwindle back to horse droppings. I asked her "so in one of your emails that if I dropped the divorce that you'd spend every day making it up to me, I did, so where the making up part?" This is where the borderline rage rears its ever familiar head, she's the poor poor victim in all this and everything is my fault. Yeah I'll accept responsibility for something you and you alone are guilty of doing. Whenever I make a need known her typical response is "up yours."

Last night I left to go to the ER since I'm pretty sure I'm relapsing. Absolutely zero concern. None. It was like when Hannibal Lecter got ready to eat a victim for supper.

This morning I told her I'm done. I've had enough of the stress. I had already prepared myself for her to use my daughter as bait, which she did. I saw her jaw drop when I said even if you move away there's no reason why 50/50 isn't feasible until she gets to be school age, then I'll take her for the summer. You could hear a pin drop.

Reconciliation is not foreseeable, nor am I willing to disrespect myself for a pathological liar who premeditated meeting up with a skinny toothless d bag. I would like to sincerely thank No More Mr. Nice Guy, my father for provoking me into having some balls, Pantera, and the past posts that kept me from eating a bullet.

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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-30-2016, 01:55 PM
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Re: Update on the past few months....

I have a feeling that counselors/therapists are made up of Beta males whose only task is to emasculate alphas, and turn them into eunuch
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-30-2016, 02:07 PM
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Re: Update on the past few months....

No, counselors are paid by the hour/session. They're not in the business of solving problems, they're in the business of keeping therapy a regular part of your life.
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-30-2016, 02:46 PM
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Re: Update on the past few months....

I suppose one could follow the history and trajectory of the marriage therapy industry and find some good reasons it has landed where it has with infidelity. I am not so jaded as to think they are intentionally giving bad advice simply to prolong therapy and increase their revenues. I think they really believe that this is the least pain path after an affair.

Same with why they tend to advise cheaters not to admit it, and if the cheater is caught to minimize and trickle truth. It is a very broken model which doesn't help anybody heal.
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-30-2016, 04:34 PM
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Re: Update on the past few months....

Wow. Clearly she has ZERO remorse. Good for you for moving on.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...ionships-fiff/
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-30-2016, 04:48 PM
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Re: Update on the past few months....

Well done DB. You will be better off without her sickness infecting every part of your life. From the tome of your writing, it sounds like you have gone a long way towards detachment. I think you will put all this behind you much faster that the usual BH.

Keep us apprised of how you are doing.
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-30-2016, 07:38 PM
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Re: Update on the past few months....

Sorry that things have been hard, but sounds like you are making the right decision. Stay very strong, she sounds like a narcissist and they always ...ALWAYS... ALWAYS come back, and beg and plead and seem oh so convincing. But, it's all a lie. ((hugs and prayers))
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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-30-2016, 09:25 PM
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Re: Update on the past few months....

Once a man's wife has given herself to another man---- 99% of the time there's no marriage to save. They've shown how much they value their husband. Same for a man cheating on a woman.

Personally, I'm glad my ex is gone. She had zero remorse. I mean zero.

And she even said "It's all about ME now..." Hell, what's changed?

You are surely on the right path judging by your wife's attitude. There are too many women out there that are begging for a good guy to put up with a cheating me-me-me-bag.
You will be feeling better soon, almost guaranteed.
Just be prepared for the "remorse" and tears. Just know the tears are about the consequences and not about loss.
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-31-2016, 08:23 AM
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Re: Update on the past few months....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diesel_Bomber View Post
I had already prepared myself for her to use my daughter as bait, which she did. I saw her jaw drop when I said even if you move away there's no reason why 50/50 isn't feasible until she gets to be school age, then I'll take her for the summer. You could hear a pin drop.
Do you live in the states? If you do, then she's an even bigger moron than she's already proven herself to be if she actually thinks she has a right to just pick up and move anywhere she wants with your kid.

I'd suggest getting to a lawyer IMMEDIATELY.

She obviously likes to fight dirty.

Stay 2 steps ahead of her.

Just a little 4-1-1 ... I'm not sure if this true, but I've heard tell that some people have actually made it a priority to make appts with the top lawyers in their area and met up with them for an initial consultation (but of course, didn't retain all of them). My understanding is that doing this apparently muddies the waters for your spouse - it creates a 'conflict of interest' should your spouse try to retain one of them after you've already met with them.

This, of course, leaves your spouse with a smaller - and less capable - lawyer pool from which to pick.
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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 09-01-2016, 08:25 AM
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Re: Update on the past few months....

DB, wish you on the best on your future journey, sounds to me like you are making the right decision.

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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 09-01-2016, 12:00 PM
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Re: Update on the past few months....

Good for you.


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Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 09-01-2016, 12:04 PM
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Re: Update on the past few months....

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Originally Posted by Diesel_Bomber View Post
This morning I told her I'm done. I've had enough of the stress. I had already prepared myself for her to use my daughter as bait, which she did. I saw her jaw drop when I said even if you move away there's no reason why 50/50 isn't feasible until she gets to be school age, then I'll take her for the summer. You could hear a pin drop.

Reconciliation is not foreseeable, nor am I willing to disrespect myself for a pathological liar who premeditated meeting up with a skinny toothless d bag. I would like to sincerely thank No More Mr. Nice Guy, my father for provoking me into having some balls, Pantera, and the past posts that kept me from eating a bullet.
Glad you found your balls. I wish more BS's would. Now that you have them back, high value women will be flocking. I promise.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 09-01-2016, 12:08 PM
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Re: Update on the past few months....

I don't often recommend a physical separation, but in your case it seems necessary until she can get out of the fog and get her head on straight. At least the cake eating will end, abruptly.
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The success of marriage comes not in finding the “right” person, but in the ability of both partners to adjust to the real person they inevitably realize they married - John Fischer
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