Re: What brought your Husband back
Mine said a few things made him "wake up":
- I put boundaries in place early on. I gave him 3 days to change his mind about the separation and then I told him he needed to find a place and set a date to move out. I then calculated exactly how much he would owe that month for bills and the subsequent months (prorated housing, his portion of the utilities, ect). I also wrote up a property settlement having him agree I'd say in our house and the general property settlement and I told him I wanted it signed and notarized. He knew I meant business and that I would protect myself financially.
-I limited communication and he had to be the one to initiate conversation.
-I began to be out of the house and pursuing social interests. It drove him crazy to see other men pursuing me. Since I was hardly home it left him wondering what I was doing.
- I increased my workouts and put my best foot forward every single day. The dramatic change in my appearance made him feel I'd moved on and was making this effort for another man.
- I was very nonchalant and kept him at a distance emotionally. He didn't understand how the very sensitive side of me he always saw just disappeared. He thought I didn't love him anymore and since he loved me it made him sick to think he pushed me away to that point.
What eventually brought us back together was that after a few days of him "reminiscing" about us, texting me that he missed me, thought I was beautiful, realized he had become an inattentive husband (all through text) I finally just said..."Stop. It seems like you may want to reconcile. Let me be blunt. The only way I would consider it is if we continue to live separately and do marriage counseling.". You know what? He said.."NO, I'm not doing counseling because I don't want a stranger knowing all my problems and mistakes." I said..."That's natural. Most men are nervous about counseling. Think about it and if you change your mind we can move forward." He said that THAT was the one statement that made him allow his walls to come down. He already felt ashamed and like I was looking for a time to say "I told you so". Since I lovingly put my boundaries in place and respected his feelings it allowed him, within an hour, to say..."yes, I thought about it and I will do whatever it takes to make our marriage work."
Good luck to you. My #1 piece of advice is to work on making yourself into the kind of woman you are proud to be. Be independent of him and do not let him use you.