What brought your Husband back - Talk About Marriage
Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-07-2016, 01:05 PM Thread Starter
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What brought your Husband back

Im curious about what made your husbands decide to come back?

My husband is the one who doesn't want to work on things now but we still have sex, are very civil and have fun together when we spend time together. He is enjoying the party scene so Im waiting to see what will get him to realize the grass isn't greener on the other side.

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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-07-2016, 01:12 PM
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Re: What brought your Husband back

Not being a doormat, for one, like you are clearly being. Putting your life on hold for him. And you still have sex with him? What message do you think you are sending him? "I can cheat and my weak wife will still receive me with open arms." Also what if you catch an STI (I'm assuming there is infidelity going on. Am I right?) Stop waiting for him. Live your own life. Do you know about the 180? you can start there.

https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/

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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-07-2016, 01:29 PM
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Re: What brought your Husband back

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBuggsMama View Post
Im waiting.
You could be waiting a long time. You have no idea when or if he'll snap out of it.


If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.

~ A.A. Milne
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-07-2016, 03:25 PM
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Re: What brought your Husband back

Kicking his a$$ out of the house when he thought he could have his cake and eat it too. And NOT wanting him back.

Seriously, wtf are you DOING?!?! Waiting. That's bullsh!t. Why should he EVER change what he's doing since you don't seem to give a crap??
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-07-2016, 03:28 PM
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Re: What brought your Husband back

You also should keep to just one thread.

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Originally Posted by LoveBuggsMama View Post
My husband and I have been together 3 years and married 2. We have a 15 month old son as well. We are on month 4 of our separation and he is loving living the single life! I pushed him away after I had our son and up until a month ago we hadn't had sex for 8 months. We were fighting a lot and didn't really do much together. I initially thought I wanted out of the marriage and agreed to the separation when he brought it up but about a month in I realized I still loved him and wanted to fix things. Unfortunately he was enjoying his single life way to much! He now gets to party on weekends, talks to girls, and gets all the attention he wants from them. he doesn't hang out with anyone who is married so he doesn't have the influences of married family men.

For women who's husbands have been in this situation or men who were in this situation. What did it take to get them to come out of this and realize they still wanted to be married?

My husband says he sees us together in the future but not right now because he loves me but he's not in love with me yet we are on very good talking terms although I let him contact me now, I help him with managing his finances (I don't give him money, I budget for him), and we are still having sex every time we see each other.
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-08-2016, 05:02 PM
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Re: What brought your Husband back

Well, I can only hope you're doing his laundry, cooking for him, packing his lunch for him, keeping the place nice and clean, ironing his shirts for him when he goes on dates, and maybe even taking on a 2nd job to help finance his party lifestyle. I'm sure between doing all that - and always making sure you're completely available to him whenever he feels like having sex - will endear you to him a little bit more each and every day.

But actually, your question was, 'what made your husband decide to come back?' Unfortunately, I probably can't answer that question because it assumes I'd allow myself to be disrespected to that level, and I most assuredly would not.

Desperation is just so unattractive.
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-20-2016, 02:35 AM
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Re: What brought your Husband back

Don't wait for him to decide anything, have more respect for yourself. For sure don't stay around for this guy.
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-20-2016, 06:47 AM
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Cool Re: What brought your Husband back

If you're still holding out a torch for him after what all that he's done and is still doing to you, you may actually have to go question "the woman in the mirror!"

You should be exhibiting far more self-worth for yourself!

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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 04:34 PM
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Re: What brought your Husband back

Mine said a few things made him "wake up":

- I put boundaries in place early on. I gave him 3 days to change his mind about the separation and then I told him he needed to find a place and set a date to move out. I then calculated exactly how much he would owe that month for bills and the subsequent months (prorated housing, his portion of the utilities, ect). I also wrote up a property settlement having him agree I'd say in our house and the general property settlement and I told him I wanted it signed and notarized. He knew I meant business and that I would protect myself financially.

-I limited communication and he had to be the one to initiate conversation.
-I began to be out of the house and pursuing social interests. It drove him crazy to see other men pursuing me. Since I was hardly home it left him wondering what I was doing.
- I increased my workouts and put my best foot forward every single day. The dramatic change in my appearance made him feel I'd moved on and was making this effort for another man.
- I was very nonchalant and kept him at a distance emotionally. He didn't understand how the very sensitive side of me he always saw just disappeared. He thought I didn't love him anymore and since he loved me it made him sick to think he pushed me away to that point.

What eventually brought us back together was that after a few days of him "reminiscing" about us, texting me that he missed me, thought I was beautiful, realized he had become an inattentive husband (all through text) I finally just said..."Stop. It seems like you may want to reconcile. Let me be blunt. The only way I would consider it is if we continue to live separately and do marriage counseling.". You know what? He said.."NO, I'm not doing counseling because I don't want a stranger knowing all my problems and mistakes." I said..."That's natural. Most men are nervous about counseling. Think about it and if you change your mind we can move forward." He said that THAT was the one statement that made him allow his walls to come down. He already felt ashamed and like I was looking for a time to say "I told you so". Since I lovingly put my boundaries in place and respected his feelings it allowed him, within an hour, to say..."yes, I thought about it and I will do whatever it takes to make our marriage work."

Good luck to you. My #1 piece of advice is to work on making yourself into the kind of woman you are proud to be. Be independent of him and do not let him use you.
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