Re: The 180 with kids
First of all, you have to learn to value yourself more than your marriage. You value the marriage at the cost of your well-being.
You gave and gave, hoping for love in return except that did not work. The value should be in you as a person.
At some level he recognizes this fact and places less energy and focus into the relationship because you are safe and he feels secure in knowing that he can push your boundaries. You lack the will to place any consequences and he devalues you as a person.
Whether you stay married or not or whether he marries someone else or not and may be happy or not, the point of the 180 is to be fine without him. Love is an addiction, a drive like thirst and hunger, except this one is harming you as a person. The 180 steps is a way of weening yourself away from this drug that is currently harmful, one you think you need to function.
Love that is not reinforced is a love diminished. The more you are separated and living a life separate from him, the easier it gets because that drive towards him is diminished. At first, this will be difficult and you will keep wanting to check on him, knowing what he is doing and the best solution is to keep busy, make new friends, strengthen bonds with others for emotional support. There is research that shows when people have emotional support, it makes separating from another easier as that need for connection is met elsewhere, satiating some of that need.
Think of love like a grove of trees and as humans, we are only capable of maintaining an nurturing a certain number of said trees. The more time and energy, the more nutrients we feed these trees, the bigger it grows and thus more branches. In your grove. your husband is a really big tree with so many branches. Lets say you decided that you wanted to nurture other trees that represent family and friends and perhaps grow a new tree, you would have to take away resources that you initially gave to your husband. Slowly his tree will start withering starting with the leaves, then the branches, and finally the tree itself as you stop feeding the tree. The other trees in your grove will grow bigger in response.
So, there must be change with you first as a catalyst before either moving on or salvaging a marriage. The current situation will remain because all the factors are nearly identical, giving the near identical result.
I am such a tree hugger because it gives me wood!