is all hope lost? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 46 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 01:48 PM
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Re: is all hope lost?

Dump her and never talk to her again, lift weights, eat well, buy new clothes, concentrate on good friends, talk to them, concentrate on your career, throw all your junk out, get your finances sorted, get drunk with a pal (not every day), READ THIS and never, ever make those mistakes again.

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post #17 of 46 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 02:32 PM
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Re: is all hope lost?

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Originally Posted by bojangles View Post
Hey, I feel like everything I do is a mistake. Looking for some different perspectives, hope someone can help. We're mid-30's, no kids, my 1st marriage, her 2nd, I pulled her away from her ex. We've been together 8 years, married 3. Here's the rest...

Wife came to me probably over a year ago and said "I'm unhappy, feel unloved, no fireworks". I tried to do things for her to fix it but apparently not enough or in the right way. Mistake #1

She started an affair w/ a co-worker who is also married, every Friday night for awhile. I finally got her to admit it but it took a lot of grinding. Mistake #2

I rode her ass about the affair too much and she finally got sick of talking about it and stonewalled me. Mistake #3.

I took a personal leave of absence from work and went to another state to be w/ family for 2 months. Mistake #4.

Of course the affair started back up while I was gone and she admitted it to me after grinding on her. Mistake #5

I told her to quit her job and we'll move out of state. She agreed. I think this was actually a good idea.

After putting in her notice, I found out she slept w/ this guy AGIAN. I'm still out of state.

I told her to keep her job, I'm coming back to the home state but don't want to be w/ her anymore. She agreed to let me stay in the apartment that's in her name until I find other arrangements 1-2 months. Mistake #5

I want to talk about affair stuff and only last 2 days in the apartment. Stormed out on her, revoked a car from her that was in my name and sofa surfed for awhile before getting an apt. All mistakes.

Now we're separated for sure. I've told her I think we can STILL work it out. She says she doesn't think she wants to be w/ me. "Think" gives me a glimmer of hope.

Think she's just messing w/ me emotionally or means it? I've since read to break off all contact and I've done that. Is my ego just damaged and I'm crazy for wanting her back in my life? Have I done so much damage she'll never talk to me again? I know for now all I can do is wait to see if she calls/texts or gchats me. IF she does that, what's my next move?

"I pulled her away from her ex." If you mean you cheated on her ex with her then this was your first mistake, thinking you can have a successful long term relationship with someone of poor character.

Your second mistake was not dumping her as soon as you found out she was cheating.

You can't change her it is in her nature.
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post #18 of 46 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 02:35 PM
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Re: is all hope lost?

You need to get out of this married while you can. All she's going to do is cheat when you are away. I think the "feeling" unloved speech you got was just for validation for herself. I think that all that time she was seeing someone else.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #19 of 46 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 02:37 PM
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Re: is all hope lost?

So far I have not read anywhere here where she agrees to stop banging the OM/

So until you can verify that that happens, what is your glimmer of hope hoping for??? her to agree to still allow you to be in her open marriage????

You are playing the good old fashioned "pick me game" and she gets to sit back and choose. make the choice for her. File for divorce and that gives her a finite amount of time to get off the fence. the fact that you let her party with him every Friday night showed her you would do nothing with any consequences. She still believes that is the case.

No kids. Run and do not look back
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post #20 of 46 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 03:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re: is all hope lost?

I had no idea how much of a ***** I was being until all the replies rolled in. Glad I decided to post in here.
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post #21 of 46 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 03:17 PM Thread Starter
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Re: is all hope lost?

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Originally Posted by jb02157 View Post
You need to get out of this married while you can. All she's going to do is cheat when you are away. I think the "feeling" unloved speech you got was just for validation for herself. I think that all that time she was seeing someone else.
I suspect this may be the case.

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So far I have not read anywhere here where she agrees to stop banging the OM/

the fact that you let her party with him every Friday night showed her you would do nothing with any consequences. She still believes that is the case.

No kids. Run and do not look back
Every Friday was "happy hour", I didn't allow them once I found out it was actually an affair. Any way you cut it, I have a total majority telling me to man up and run. I'm taking the advice.
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post #22 of 46 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 03:20 PM
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Re: is all hope lost?

Have you just thought she is a serial cheater and gets bored and looks for the next fix? She will likely cheat on the the new guy if you divorce. Her blaming you may be just her being bored and she blames you for what she is not cut out for?

I am such a tree hugger because it gives me wood!
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post #23 of 46 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 03:22 PM
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Re: is all hope lost?

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Any way you cut it, I have a total majority telling me to man up and run. I'm taking the advice.
Good! Keep posting. There are a lot of folks on here that are dealing with the same thing as you. They can help you with the things that are yet to come.
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post #24 of 46 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 03:23 PM Thread Starter
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Re: is all hope lost?

she claims she's never cheated on anyone else but she's said alot of **** that turned out to be false.
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post #25 of 46 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 03:28 PM
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Re: is all hope lost?

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she claims she's never cheated on anyone else but she's said alot of **** that turned out to be false.
What do you know of her first marriage and her first husband?

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post #26 of 46 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 03:38 PM
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Re: is all hope lost?

Quote:
Originally Posted by bojangles View Post
Hey, I feel like everything I do is a mistake. Looking for some different perspectives, hope someone can help. We're mid-30's, no kids, my 1st marriage, her 2nd, I pulled her away from her ex. We've been together 8 years, married 3. Here's the rest...

Wife came to me probably over a year ago and said "I'm unhappy, feel unloved, no fireworks". I tried to do things for her to fix it but apparently not enough or in the right way. Mistake #1

She started an affair w/ a co-worker who is also married, every Friday night for awhile. I finally got her to admit it but it took a lot of grinding. Mistake #2

I rode her ass about the affair too much and she finally got sick of talking about it and stonewalled me. Mistake #3.

I took a personal leave of absence from work and went to another state to be w/ family for 2 months. Mistake #4.

Of course the affair started back up while I was gone and she admitted it to me after grinding on her. Mistake #5

I told her to quit her job and we'll move out of state. She agreed. I think this was actually a good idea.

After putting in her notice, I found out she slept w/ this guy AGIAN. I'm still out of state.

I told her to keep her job, I'm coming back to the home state but don't want to be w/ her anymore. She agreed to let me stay in the apartment that's in her name until I find other arrangements 1-2 months. Mistake #5

I want to talk about affair stuff and only last 2 days in the apartment. Stormed out on her, revoked a car from her that was in my name and sofa surfed for awhile before getting an apt. All mistakes.

Now we're separated for sure. I've told her I think we can STILL work it out. She says she doesn't think she wants to be w/ me. "Think" gives me a glimmer of hope.

Think she's just messing w/ me emotionally or means it? I've since read to break off all contact and I've done that. Is my ego just damaged and I'm crazy for wanting her back in my life? Have I done so much damage she'll never talk to me again? I know for now all I can do is wait to see if she calls/texts or gchats me. IF she does that, what's my next move?

Run. Run away from this like it was a bomb...because it is.

Yes...you are crazy for wanting her back. You want another perspective?? If what is happening to you...was happening to your son, brother, best buddy....what would you tell him to do?

Do that

Holes burn deep in your chest,
Raked by machine gun fire.
Screaming soul sent out to die,
Living mandatory suicide.
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post #27 of 46 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 03:46 PM
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Re: is all hope lost?

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She says she doesn't think she wants to be w/ me. "Think" gives me a glimmer of hope.
No it means she has processed her thoughts and after thinking about it she doesn't want you anymore.

It's like you going on a fast circular amusement park ride and you get off and you're falling all over the place and you feel the bile rising in your throat and just as you are about to heave the contents of the sausage and peppers you ate right before getting on the ride, you "think" you're going to puke.
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post #28 of 46 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 04:01 PM
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Re: is all hope lost?

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she claims she's never cheated on anyone else but she's said alot of **** that turned out to be false.

She currently does not have a good track record of honesty. She also lacks the ability to control her impulses. I believe the magical ran out for her after the honeymoon period ended and she sought that out.

I am such a tree hugger because it gives me wood!
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post #29 of 46 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 04:33 PM
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Re: is all hope lost?

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Any way you cut it, I have a total majority telling me to man up and run. I'm taking the advice.
Yay! Please do!! And DO NOT get into another relationship until you have learned how to be happy ON YOUR OWN. You do NOT need a woman to make you happy.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

Our R
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post #30 of 46 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 05:25 PM
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Re: is all hope lost?

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Yay! Please do!! And DO NOT get into another relationship until you have learned how to be happy ON YOUR OWN. You do NOT need a woman to make you happy.
I'd also add "Stay away from married women" to that list.

In fact, it would be #1 on the list.
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Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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