I would like to hear more of your story. Did you contact her at all while apart? Did she make you question your decision initially? Why was the issue more yours than hers? Had there been other times she lied to you? Do you have children? Was there a specific turning point for you and how did you stay focused on what you wanted to do? My problem is she can cry me right into thinking I am crazy. I have no illusions that somehow I will find someone I am as attracted to as my wife- she has aged so well and I think she just gets better with age- but I do think I can find someone I can trust a lot more. There are so many women that would kill to be treated the way I treat her- all her sisters regularly say they are jealous.
We could PM if you prefer.
I could write a small novel, but again, the TL;DR version
She started contacting an ex in a fit of retroactive jealousy, after she'd met up with an ex of mine that I hadn't seen or heard from in 15 years. They chatted a lot, and it was pretty apparent the ex still carried a torch, even though she was the one that broke it off. So, she started chatting with her ex, allegedly, just to see if she could create the same kind of pull. Anyway, I found out because her iMessages would come through on the iPad. I gave her a bunch of outs, but when she left to have coffee with him, after I offered to go with to "run errands", I texted her a screen shot of the IMs with "I tried to stop you. We're done." So, the lies were too much, plus she's very "responsive desire" so yeah, dangerous game she was trying to play and I wasn't - I'm still not really ok with it.
So, the trust issues are mine. She begged and pleaded, but I had a really rough childhood - like make you ugly cry watching it at a movie childhood, so trust isn't easy with me, and I just knew I couldn't handle the lies. We never fought or anything, but I just couldn't handle it, so, we got divorced. We do have a kid, so there was always contact throughout the process. We were good co-parents and outside of the embarrassment of "what happened" around town, everything was ok. So, 6 months or so after it was all official, we kind of got back together after a long car ride. First overnight camp for our son was 4 hours away, so we were 4 hours alone in the car on the way back just talking, about what bothered her and made her do it - what she wanted from me, etc. I think car rides are better than pillow talk to discuss really important stuff. You can't really leave the room.
So, yeah, that's the quick-ish version. Like I said, she knows we'll never re-marry. I just don't want to do it, but I was never unhappy with the life we had, but it's somehow easier for me now. There doesn't need to be a big event for either of us to say "this isn't working" and we're done, so it kind of forces us to show each other that we want to continue with what we have every day/week/month/whatever.