Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now. - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 77 (permalink) Old 10-14-2016, 11:33 AM
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Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

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I don't know if I have the courage and strength to go through this, I am only talking to my sister about this and she is suggesting to forget my self worth and save the marriage. As in our society there is not much of a life/future for divorced women. I might have to move out of the country.
What country are you in?

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post #17 of 77 (permalink) Old 10-14-2016, 11:36 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

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What country are you in?
I am from India.
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post #18 of 77 (permalink) Old 10-14-2016, 11:42 AM
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Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

I don't know enough about culture and conventions in India to give you good advice. Here, I'd recommend divorce. I do have one woman friend in India whose husband has repeatedly cheated on her (apparently with Bollywood actresses if the gossip is correct). Since her marriage was a mess and she couldn't leave due to social stigma, she quietly had her own affairs these past 20 years. Somehow, they've maintained their public persona as happily married, while each doing their own thing.

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post #19 of 77 (permalink) Old 10-14-2016, 12:32 PM
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Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

Im from India too... if u r not yet a citizn wait until u r then divorce him... or if the other woman is married complain to her husband.. with evidence .. nothing stops an affair more than a confrontation between twomen... good luck


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post #20 of 77 (permalink) Old 10-14-2016, 01:59 PM
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Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

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I am from India.
If you live in India then I wouldn't have much to say. Divorce would probably not be advisable unless you plan to leave the country in the near future. Personally, I would not be talking to anybody who advises you to put aside your self-worth.

If however you live outside India or will consider becoming an ex-pat then I would have you seriously start planning for a divorce.
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post #21 of 77 (permalink) Old 10-14-2016, 08:24 PM Thread Starter
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Question Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

Thank you all for your advise and making me feel better about myself. Last week he has gone on a business trip for 3 weeks, I was taking my sisters advice and was calling him/texting him and he was responding sometimes (not normal behaviour though).
But I understand now that with this kind of behaviour I am presenting myself as needy and begging for his attention. Should I stop initiating all contact from my side? Do I behave normally if he calls?
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post #22 of 77 (permalink) Old 10-14-2016, 08:56 PM
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Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

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I don't know if I have the courage and strength to go through this, I am only talking to my sister about this and she is suggesting to forget my self worth and save the marriage. As in our society there is not much of a life/future for divorced women. I might have to move out of the country.
This is why with all the current problems thank God for the woman's movement. Woman in the west have choices.

Last edited by sokillme; 10-15-2016 at 12:33 AM.
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post #23 of 77 (permalink) Old 10-14-2016, 09:54 PM
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Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

What you do is expose the affair to EVERYONE. Family, friends, employers..everyone. The public censure should bring him to heel. If it does not, then everyone will know he was the one at fault for the divorce.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #24 of 77 (permalink) Old 10-14-2016, 11:55 PM
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Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

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What you do is expose the affair to EVERYONE. Family, friends, employers..everyone. The public censure should bring him to heel. If it does not, then everyone will know he was the one at fault for the divorce.


Within the social norms of her society. I don't know but this might have the opposite effect in India.


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post #25 of 77 (permalink) Old 10-14-2016, 11:57 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

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Within the social norms of her society. I don't know but this might have the opposite effect in India.


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Yes, you are right! There might be a road back if it is not exposed but once that is done there is no going back.

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post #26 of 77 (permalink) Old 10-15-2016, 12:00 AM
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Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

I am Caucasian but work with mostly Indians, friends are Indian, my kids friends are Indian, etc,

The guys who come here to the USA to work are often very conservative, don't drink, etc. Never talk to women, etc.

After they're here a while they realize our culture is much more open so they have more options.

If you have a support network outside India then consider that as a valid option. Many countries are better for a divorcee.

Do you have marketable skills like IT to allow you a visa to travel abroad?

I realize you are in a bad position. Women can't even be alone in many parts of India without threat of sexual assault. On the other hand, other parts are quite progressive and modern. So another option would be to relocate in India to a more progressive society, if you can integrate culturally,

Sorry you are here


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post #27 of 77 (permalink) Old 10-15-2016, 04:30 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

I want to reconcile, I don't think I will be able to survive this...
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post #28 of 77 (permalink) Old 10-15-2016, 06:48 AM
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Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

If he does agree to remain married, will you be expected to turn a blind eye to future episodes of cheating? Because this may not be the only time.
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post #29 of 77 (permalink) Old 10-15-2016, 07:00 AM
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Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

Within your culture is it a stigma for men to divorce too or just for women?
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post #30 of 77 (permalink) Old 10-15-2016, 08:04 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

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Within your culture is it a stigma for men to divorce too or just for women?
Men too, but the blame always falls on women for not being a good wife. Even if your husband cheats its your fault somehow.
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