Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now. - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

User Tag List

 41Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #46 of 77 (permalink) Old 10-18-2016, 01:04 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 2,386
Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KillerClown View Post
When you have a child with a new husband then they would see who was at fault. Win-win.


OP will a divorced woman find a new husband where you live?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

TheTruthHurts is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #47 of 77 (permalink) Old 10-18-2016, 01:28 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 398
Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

Look into Secondshaadi.com
Second Shaadi | Second Marriage | ReMarriage | Divorcee Matrimonial
KillerClown is offline  
post #48 of 77 (permalink) Old 11-02-2016, 03:20 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 26
Exclamation Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

So taking all of your advice, I completely stopped calling/messaging him or initiating any contact from my side. Now he calls everyday to simply chat!!! But keeps on hinting in between that there is no future between us and he doesn't want to reconcile!

I talk to him just because I want to reconcile, but I don't get it that if there is no future between us then why does he keeps calling?
broken@13 is offline  
 
post #49 of 77 (permalink) Old 11-02-2016, 08:49 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 2,386
Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

I am glad you are separating and not pursuing. Perhaps he is getting a taste for life without you. He wants to be in control and walk away from you, but you are detaching first and that's unsettling. If you are willing to be separate and he understands that, then he has to come to terms with that.

Cheaters, to justify their betrayal, often vilify their spouse and make THEM the problem. Every little thing becomes a big thing and proof that it's the spouses fault for them straying. That's why he was so irritated by everything with you.

Meanwhile the other W is still all fantasy because he only has the good, new, exciting part of the relationship.

Now, he has neither, and that made him angry so he decided to get mad at you both instead of himself.

But with time, with you consistently being you, maybe he has started to see the good he previously had.

I still think you should be your sweet self and continue to make it clear you accept that the marriage may be over. That will make him have to pursue you if he actually wants this to work.

I also think you should still think about making a new life abroad as an option. There are many good men around the world who would love to be with a successful, good woman.

Keep us posted


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
TheTruthHurts is offline  
post #50 of 77 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 10:54 PM
Member
 
aine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Away and beyond in a hot place
Posts: 2,726
Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by broken@13 View Post
So taking all of your advice, I completely stopped calling/messaging him or initiating any contact from my side. Now he calls everyday to simply chat!!! But keeps on hinting in between that there is no future between us and he doesn't want to reconcile!

I talk to him just because I want to reconcile, but I don't get it that if there is no future between us then why does he keeps calling?
Stop entertaining his phonecalls and 'chatting' with him, he is having his cake and eating it. Having you on a rope while doing what he wants. Ask him is there something 'official' he needs to talk about? He is probably trying to keep you sweet so you wont proceed with divorce, do not settle for crumbs.
aine is online now  
post #51 of 77 (permalink) Old 11-06-2016, 06:01 AM
Member
 
Satya's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,381
Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

He's not going to invest in you, so why are you wasting your time with him?

Next time he calls, ignore.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
Satya is offline  
post #52 of 77 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 07:59 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 26
Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

I believe that is what he is doing, having his cake and eating it too. When he gets bored or feels lonely he calls me for time pass and when he doesn't he just ignores! huh what a douche bag and selfish prick!

Last time we spoke he was of the notion that ours is a Karmic relationship and he should be with me to balance his karma so in next life he can do better than what he did in this! Like cheating a**es can balance is just by staying with the one they married and still cheating the entire while..

I am left wondering who did I actually Married & Loved?? People change and he is the definition of that fact I guess...
broken@13 is offline  
post #53 of 77 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 09:24 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 2,386
Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by broken@13 View Post
I believe that is what he is doing, having his cake and eating it too. When he gets bored or feels lonely he calls me for time pass and when he doesn't he just ignores! huh what a douche bag and selfish prick!



Last time we spoke he was of the notion that ours is a Karmic relationship and he should be with me to balance his karma so in next life he can do better than what he did in this! Like cheating a**es can balance is just by staying with the one they married and still cheating the entire while..



I am left wondering who did I actually Married & Loved?? People change and he is the definition of that fact I guess...


Maybe have him over for dinner with some "special" ingredients so he can go immediately to that next life


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
TheTruthHurts is offline  
post #54 of 77 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 10:22 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 26
Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

[QUOTE=TheTruthHurts;16892713]Maybe have him over for dinner with some "special" ingredients so he can go immediately to that next life

hahaha, that is a tempting suggestion! I wish
broken@13 is offline  
post #55 of 77 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 06:12 PM
Member
 
aine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Away and beyond in a hot place
Posts: 2,726
Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

[QUOTE=broken@13;16893353]
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheTruthHurts View Post
Maybe have him over for dinner with some "special" ingredients so he can go immediately to that next life

hahaha, that is a tempting suggestion! I wish
Please Broken13, stop contacting him, stop chatting with him. Ignore his calls, change your number, show him you are worth more than the crumbs he is giving you. Men like this never change, don't hold out in hope. I know you may well stayed married due to culture, but that does not mean you cannot move on with your life, even discretely date others.

aine is online now  
post #56 of 77 (permalink) Old 11-21-2016, 01:57 PM
Member
 
turnera's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 35,237
Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

Read up on basic psychology. He feels empowered because of your society. He feels empowered because he has two women fighting for him. He feels empowered because he is pretty sure you're going to kiss his ass to keep him. So he treats you poorly.

You want him to respect you and not cheat? Stop kissing his ass. We chase what we can't have, we want what we can't have; we ignore and treat poorly that which is thrown at us.

So stop throwing yourself at him. Show him you respect yourself too much to compete for his affection; if he doesn't want you and only you, well, you can do better. You WILL do better.

Make sure he sees that. THEN he will want you. Once you get the relationship back to a balance, you can discuss your future.

In the meantime, read the book His Needs Her Needs. So you'll understand what a healthy relationship would look like. If it turns out that he's ready to respect you again, you can discuss that healthy relationship.

That said, you admit that you put your career first and you took him for granted. Are you willing to repair that? Marriage comes before career. And you have to keep dating for as long as you're married, in order to stay 'in love.' More psychology stuff that you can read about.
turnera is offline  
post #57 of 77 (permalink) Old 11-21-2016, 02:06 PM
Member
 
jb02157's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,188
Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

As long as he knows that you want to get back together irregardless of his cheating, he'll just keep on doing it. Whether you like it or not, you have a open marriage where he's the only one exploring options unless you divorce him to end it.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
jb02157 is offline  
post #58 of 77 (permalink) Old 11-21-2016, 04:28 PM
Member
 
*Deidre*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Somewhere else...
Posts: 3,121
Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by broken@13 View Post
So looks like he reached out to some Astrologer who told him that he would get a divorce by 2019 and have a lovely second wife and life. So I think his mind is made up now.

I don't know how I am going to handle all the family pressure of staying together and what kind of life I will have after divorce.. completely lost..
You will have a better life with this jerk out of it...trust me. Sorry you have been treated so poorly.

Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. ~ Unknown
*Deidre* is offline  
post #59 of 77 (permalink) Old 11-21-2016, 04:47 PM
Forum Supporter
 
SunCMars's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: North Coast Nationalist-burg, U.S.A.
Posts: 2,157
Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by broken@13 View Post
I still love him after all we have been through and still want to get back together.
I have no idea what I should be doing.
I hear your pleas.

I see your plight.

I feel your fright.

You have boarded up your windows and barred the door.

I stand here without a pry bar to set you free.

Can you loan me a claw hammer?

If you do so I will set you free.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
SunCMars is offline  
post #60 of 77 (permalink) Old 11-24-2016, 08:56 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 26
Re: Husband caught cheating, doesn't want to be together now.

All of you all lovely people, you were so right! As soon as I started talking to him again he started treating me like **** again!! Not going to make the same mistake twice.

Yes I am ready to put all the work required in this marriage but not when I am treated like trash.. This feels more like fight between my heart and my mind. But I think our relationship is so broken that its beyond repair, there is no trust, no real love, no compassion.

I think its time to explore other options.
broken@13 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Which is worse serial cheating or emotional cheating? theworkwidow Coping with Infidelity 55 09-01-2016 08:51 PM
Does this Make Me Crazy and Cheating Dating to Years Ago shygirlpinkie Coping with Infidelity 4 08-30-2016 05:46 AM
Cheating Situations That Causes BreakUps nataly87 General Relationship Discussion 20 05-10-2016 01:13 PM
The Cheating Culture? Octobergirl Coping with Infidelity 5 04-10-2016 04:11 PM
My wife is convinced I am cheating on her. Dopplar The Ladies' Lounge 21 04-10-2016 02:39 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome